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I have learned to have much more compassion for my parents. I think of them often and yes, I remember the hard times with them. But I am more open-minded now when I think of the hardships they lived through which were much more difficult than anything I lived through. I have to pray and thank them now; wish I had thanked them when they were here.
Parenthood is, IMHO, one of the hardest jobs any of us will do.
I have learned to have much more compassion for my parents. I think of them often and yes, I remember the hard times with them. But I am more open-minded now when I think of the hardships they lived through which were much more difficult than anything I lived through. I have to pray and thank them now; wish I had thanked them when they were here.
Parenthood is, IMHO, one of the hardest jobs any of us will do.
And we (at least me) did not turn my back on my parents.. and believe me, when I was raised children were told to be seen and not heard, and not pampered like I did my child...
To say that 'who we vote for shows our values' is just ignorant. Neither party can carry a halo. Neither party is pure and good. Both are corrupt to core.
To cut someone out over politics is ignorant. As someone said: it's just an excuse.
You can choose to play ostrich,and paint everything that you don't agree with as just ignorance, but politics, and this particular election, has torn families apart. This is a fact. As in the 60's and 70's when Vietnam was a source of contention with the young and the old, many of the "young" are now boomers having estrangement with their children. It is not always about the vote, but what drives a person to vote one way or other. And those ARE values, the prism through which we look at the world and judge.
I am just asking this question because I am curious to know.
How many here think they were "perfect" parents?
I've never been perfect; therefore I was not a perfect parent. Or perfect anything else.
Thanks.
I can see why there is so much guilt in the world.
When I was a young mother I was conscientious, I tried to learn about good parenting, put my kids interest and health first, and practiced it.
I don't know about perfect, but yes, I believe I was a good parent. I also believe I could have done better if I have the wisdom I have now. So I forgive my younger self :-)
When I was a young mother I was conscientious, I tried to learn about good parenting, put my kids interest and health first, and practiced it.
I don't know about perfect, but yes, I believe I was a good parent. I also believe I could have done better if I have the wisdom I have now. So I forgive my younger self :-)
I had my child at 32, so I was older and didnt sweat the small stuff.. I'd get in the dirt and play trucks with him...
I was not perfect either, but I really did try, and do not believe anything I did warranted this.
I think a big turn can come when the wrong partner/spouse enters the picture. I've seen it with my friends and even with my older son. That influence, especially if it's controlling, can damage an otherwise close relationship with your child.
Here's my story:
My older son was dating a nice woman, a lawyer, who our family liked. We invited her to birthday & holiday celebrations and she seemed very comfortable with us. Our son seemed happy, although we noticed a lot of controlling behavior, but didn't question it. She didn't like going out with his friends, convinced him to permanently delete his FB account and, when he started living with her, she didn't want him to have use of his car, so he left it at home. She only wanted her car to be used & she did all the driving! We started to see red flags when our son, who is very close to his siblings--would not see his brother who was visiting from out of state, because she didn't want him to leave her dogs alone. Excuses were made for skipping family events. Before we knew it, they announced they were moving out of state--in a few days! Slowly, he was being pulled away into a very small world occupied only by her and him. He stopped seeing friends. He barely saw his family. They moved and we started to lose contact--we were becoming estranged. But, we kept reaching out just to maintain a lifeline to him. We were all hurt and confused. It was like our son was brainwashed and seemingly in an abusive relationship. Long story short...my son started to recognize his predicament he was in with this woman and moved into his own apartment. All of a sudden, communication started to normalize with him and he was more himself. Within a year, he moved back home when my DH was having surgery and never looked back. It's been two years & he's re-established his relationships with old friends and has a good life. But, when we were going through it, it was a painful nightmare. We thought we'd lost him for good.
I believe the choice of a partner or spouse is pivotal. And, even if you have a great relationship with your child (as we did), they are still vulnerable to manipulative/controlling people who can be dealing with lots of psychological issues. I cross my fingers my kids choose good spouses with strong family ties. It's rare to find these days.
I think a big turn can come when the wrong partner/spouse enters the picture. I've seen it with my friends and even with my older son. That influence, especially if it's controlling, can damage an otherwise close relationship with your child.
Here's my story:
My older son was dating a nice woman, a lawyer, who our family liked. We invited her to birthday & holiday celebrations and she seemed very comfortable with us. Our son seemed happy, although we noticed a lot of controlling behavior, but didn't question it. She didn't like going out with his friends, convinced him to permanently delete his FB account and, when he started living with her, she didn't want him to have use of his car, so he left it at home. She only wanted her car to be used & she did all the driving! We started to see red flags when our son, who is very close to his siblings--would not see his brother who was visiting from out of state, because she didn't want him to leave her dogs alone. Excuses were made for skipping family events. Before we knew it, they announced they were moving out of state--in a few days! Slowly, he was being pulled away into a very small world occupied only by her and him. He stopped seeing friends. He barely saw his family. They moved and we started to lose contact--we were becoming estranged. But, we kept reaching out just to maintain a lifeline to him. We were all hurt and confused. It was like our son was brainwashed and seemingly in an abusive relationship. Long story short...my son started to recognize his predicament he was in with this woman and moved into his own apartment. All of a sudden, communication started to normalize with him and he was more himself. Within a year, he moved back home when my DH was having surgery and never looked back. It's been two years & he's re-established his relationships with old friends and has a good life. But, when we were going through it, it was a painful nightmare. We thought we'd lost him for good.
I believe the choice of a partner or spouse is pivotal. And, even if you have a great relationship with your child (as we did), they are still vulnerable to manipulative/controlling people who can be dealing with lots of psychological issues. I cross my fingers my kids choose good spouses with strong family ties. It's rare to find these days.
Oh yes, sounds like my story without the happy ending (yet).. My son's gf, now wife, did the same thing. Of course it was her mother calling the shots. She didnt like my son's 'gas hog' truck and wanted him only to use her car, and her mother wanted him to sell his truck and buy a small car. Now they were not supporting my son either.. but yes, the control thing. The girlfriend insisted on driving everywhere too.. and when we tried to bring them somewhere she would not even ride with us. My son said she wanted the freedom to leave 'when she wanted'! Oh yes, I agree the partner or spouse is pivotal, and so glad your son was smart and got out of that abusive (in my opinion) relationship..
Ah, understood. Sometimes it is a way of protecting ourselves from getting hurt further!
Perhaps. I think I have come from the opposite end of things. I allowed people in my life that did not really accept me. I probably learned to do this from my upbringing and thought it was normal. Now, I am not so accommodating. If I feel that someone does not accept me, then I do not allow them into my life. In this manner I have been able to increase my self worth and decrease my inner critic.
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