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I will remember this thread and when I am finally in my own place again I will keep you posted on how things with the family play out.
In my mind right now I constantly replay the moment I get the text message saying they are planning on going away or going out and could I take care of the pets or babysit, the answer will be...
"Should have thought about that before you took the dogs side and chose him over me so the answer is...No Thanks, I'm Good."
Since they (well, she) has estranged everyone around her guess they will not be going anywhere even though they are already asking neighbors if they would be available to watch my 5 year old Granddaughter for a couple of hours each week.
Every year she has to go to Kansas City for a week for work and takes my Son with her, guess that will not be happening and guess my Son will not be able to work during that week, oh well...
Also guess they will not be going on their family vacations, nobody to take care of the animals, again...oh well.
Sorry, just venting, anxiety makes me replay this stuff over and over and...
I had a family member that wanted me to watch his pets when he went out of town. I might not have minded so much but there were 2 problems, they would pee on everything and poop in my home even after taking them out many times each day. His responses was, they don't go in my house. I did talk to my Vet about it and he said it was them marking what they considered their territory because I also had dogs. My husband and I also have 2 small dogs and his dogs were very alpha and would gang up on mine. I finally told him I thought it would be best if he would board his pets like we do if we have to go out of town and he never spoke to me again.
I had a family member that wanted me to watch his pets when he went out of town. I might not have minded so much but there were 2 problems, they would pee on everything and poop in my home even after taking them out many times each day. His responses was, they don't go in my house. I did talk to my Vet about it and he said it was them marking what they considered their territory because I also had dogs. My husband and I also have 2 small dogs and his dogs were very alpha and would gang up on mine. I finally told him I thought it would be best if he would board his pets like we do if we have to go out of town and he never spoke to me again.
I've had similar experiences with a relative's dogs.. they pee on EVERYTHING and mine do not.. so I dont like his dogs in my house.. He says the same thing, that his do not pee in the house.. It's a problem. There are boy dog pee things you can put on his male dog but after I seen his response I didnt mention it.. lol
I watched by brother’s dog for a week when he went on vacation in Hawaii, then after that he told me the dog was eaten by a mountain lion. Made me feel really bad. He did acquire another dog since but I didn’t have to watch the dog.
I watched by brother’s dog for a week when he went on vacation in Hawaii, then after that he told me the dog was eaten by a mountain lion. Made me feel really bad. He did acquire another dog since but I didn’t have to watch the dog.
OH I see.. I'm glad your wife has you to support her!
My wife says that once her Mother passes she will actively reduce contact with her siblings. I hope that is true for her health's sake.
She has an unenviable relationship with her Mother. She loves her because she is her mother, but detests the person her mother is - an abusive scammer, grifter, and cheat.
My wife was basically a live-in maid until she escaped to college where we met.
My wife says that once her Mother passes she will actively reduce contact with her siblings. I hope that is true for her health's sake.
She has an unenviable relationship with her Mother. She loves her because she is her mother, but detests the person her mother is - an abusive scammer, grifter, and cheat.
My wife was basically a live-in maid until she escaped to college where we met.
I think that's why so many siblings lose contact after the parents pass.. as long as the siblings dont try to hold on to use your wife!
My daughter in law has basically broken contact with her mom and dad who have been divorced for probably 20 yrs now
She was abused emotionally and physically by her mother and her father just basically allowed it to happen...
Lot of health issues for my DIL because of that which started when she was young teen w/bulimia/anorexia
Her mother is a nut job
Her father is more normal—has remarried to woman with two children of her own
But he refuses to accept any responsibility for how his wife really hurt my DIL
She has a brother and sister—twins—that didn’t go through the same abuse—and the sister is manipulative like the mother
My DIL has had some serious health issues this past year and really I worry that she is not going to get better but would never ask if she was going to get in contact with her family
That would only exacerbate her condition...
My daughter in law has basically broken contact with her mom and dad who have been divorced for probably 20 yrs now
She was abused emotionally and physically by her mother and her father just basically allowed it to happen...
Lot of health issues for my DIL because of that which started when she was young teen w/bulimia/anorexia
Her mother is a nut job
Her father is more normal—has remarried to woman with two children of her own
But he refuses to accept any responsibility for how his wife really hurt my DIL
She has a brother and sister—twins—that didn’t go through the same abuse—and the sister is manipulative like the mother
My DIL has had some serious health issues this past year and really I worry that she is not going to get better but would never ask if she was going to get in contact with her family
That would only exacerbate her condition...
It sounds like your DIL held on longer than long to a relationship that was bringing her down. I have heard many relationships like that. My heart goes out to her.
Other children seem to throw their parents away easily.
I hope your DIL is able to get well and healthy, for all of your sakes.
Sometimes when the adult child and spouse invite a parent to come live with them, they're thinking strictly in terms of the benefits that accrue to them, like so-called free babysitting. They may even think the parent is going to help pay for the addition to their house, which will increase the value.
I do babysit everyday for my 5 year old Granddaughter but that is a "Labor Of Love".
I do pay them to stay here and they literally demanded it, after the dog bite incident they wanted me out immediately, it was the only way I was allowed to stay until I had a place to go.
I have become very distant with them and do not do anymore around here than is absolutely necessary, unless it is for my Grandkids and the Grandkids are the ones that asked,depending on what it is, if their parents are home I tell them to go ask them and they say, "they are sleeping" or "they are busy" and I say "well if you want it you will have to wake or bother them", then I snicker under my breath.
Quote:
Originally Posted by exit82
Oh FFS - that's where your mind goes? some men marry women very similar to their mother....so there's that...think about it.
My Ex always got what she wanted when we were married, she would ask my opinion on things but that was just a kind gesture since she went and did what she wanted regardless of what I thought.
My DIL is EXACTLY the same way, so...
Quote:
Originally Posted by MaryBeth2
I totally understand what you are saying. I tend to look behind me when something is going smoothly, waiting for the teethmarks!
Thanks for being so honest to admit the 'whipped' part.. You help me understand so much!
When I was married there was a plaque hanging in the kitchen doorway that read...
"I am the boss of my house and I have my wife's permission to say so".
You know the old saying...
"Happy wife, happy life".
Wow.... you said a mouth full, and I believe you are spot on!!!! Men take the bossy women so they dont have to make decisions or be held accountable for things...
You really got it!
That is very interesting. And it makes sense
I wish my friend would notice this in the man she wants to "make over"
He's a former classmate and i still see him in the same way - easy going, likes to talk and relax. Never had kids but did get married once, just not to our mutual friend.
She wants him to be responsible, set up a household that she will ultimately pay for etc. I want to tell her to just let him be and let nature take its course. Maybe find someone that will meet her standards.
She wants someone that will hover over her 24/7. Ugh
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Wow.... you said a mouth full, and I believe you are spot on!!!! Men take the bossy women so they dont have to make decisions or be held accountable for things... 
