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Old 05-12-2013, 09:39 PM
 
12,290 posts, read 17,631,759 times
Reputation: 29884

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No, I don't need to downsize yet. And, I DO hope this DIL goes, lol. I just asked because in the past we have talked about his removing his things. He had wanted his brothers to bring them up, but that never happened for various reasons. Now half our storage room is taken up with his belongings, and he doesn't talk to us or his brothers. I won't move them when we do sell, that I'm sure of, and it's way too much to ship. I guess at some point he's going to get notification that if he wants it, he'll have to come get it.

I was just curious as to what others have done.
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Old 05-12-2013, 11:46 PM
 
3,969 posts, read 3,940,646 times
Reputation: 3631
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mattie View Post
No, I don't need to downsize yet. And, I DO hope this DIL goes, lol. I just asked because in the past we have talked about his removing his things. He had wanted his brothers to bring them up, but that never happened for various reasons. Now half our storage room is taken up with his belongings, and he doesn't talk to us or his brothers. I won't move them when we do sell, that I'm sure of, and it's way too much to ship. I guess at some point he's going to get notification that if he wants it, he'll have to come get it.

I was just curious as to what others have done.
Throw it out or donate it or sell it.
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Old 05-13-2013, 05:20 AM
Status: "Dealing with it!" (set 2 days ago)
 
Location: SW MO
23,555 posts, read 27,760,075 times
Reputation: 28281
Quote:
Originally Posted by imcurious View Post

Not necessarily. Sometimes people use words lightly, with a touch of humor. Not everything is diabolical and/or pathological in origin or intent.
Just read this. So let's say that, just for fun of course and with no "evil" intent, but based upon such factors as your invoking metaphysics and vibrations, I began to refer to you as the "Lavendar Lunatic," you would be perfectly conent with that as I meant it only "lightly and with a touch of humor." It would be just fine with you, right?

Somehow I doubt that, just as I'm sure others would find being referred to as "crazies" to be pejorative and demeaning. There are gentler ways to express oneself which are far kinder and more appropriate.
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Old 05-13-2013, 07:37 AM
Status: "Dealing with it!" (set 2 days ago)
 
Location: SW MO
23,555 posts, read 27,760,075 times
Reputation: 28281
Oops! Should be "LavendEr." My bad!
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Old 05-13-2013, 10:35 AM
 
Location: earth?
7,288 posts, read 9,385,622 times
Reputation: 8956
Quote:
Originally Posted by Curmudgeon View Post
Just read this. So let's say that, just for fun of course and with no "evil" intent, but based upon such factors as your invoking metaphysics and vibrations, I began to refer to you as the "Lavendar Lunatic," you would be perfectly conent with that as I meant it only "lightly and with a touch of humor." It would be just fine with you, right?

Somehow I doubt that, just as I'm sure others would find being referred to as "crazies" to be pejorative and demeaning. There are gentler ways to express oneself which are far kinder and more appropriate.
I wasn't targeting an individual.

I wasn't name-calling an individual.

I made a casual reference to "crazies." You are blowing it all out of proportion.

"Lavender lunatic?" Ok. I don't expect everyone to agree or understand.




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Old 05-13-2013, 11:23 AM
Status: "Dealing with it!" (set 2 days ago)
 
Location: SW MO
23,555 posts, read 27,760,075 times
Reputation: 28281
Quote:
Originally Posted by imcurious View Post
I wasn't targeting an individual.

I wasn't name-calling an individual.

I made a casual reference to "crazies." You are blowing it all out of proportion.

"Lavender lunatic?" Ok. I don't expect everyone to agree or understand.
Not really, imcurious. Many, if not most, families have to deal with mental disorders somewhere in the gene pool. On a personal level, I find referring to people as "crazies" just as distasteful as calling people "retards." Might be because of what I just mentioned as well as working for many years in/on mental health and developmental disability issues. But of course, YMMV.
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Old 05-13-2013, 11:46 AM
 
Location: earth?
7,288 posts, read 9,385,622 times
Reputation: 8956
Quote:
Originally Posted by Curmudgeon View Post
Not really, imcurious. Many, if not most, families have to deal with mental disorders somewhere in the gene pool. On a personal level, I find referring to people as "crazies" just as distasteful as calling people "retards." Might be because of what I just mentioned as well as working for many years in/on mental health and developmental disability issues. But of course, YMMV.
Whatev

Feel free to be politically correct. I'll abstain from the groupthink.
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Old 05-13-2013, 11:53 AM
 
1,746 posts, read 2,245,447 times
Reputation: 2681
Quote:
Originally Posted by imcurious View Post
Whatev

Feel free to be politically correct. I'll abstain from the groupthink.
Or any think.

[Sorry, people, I just couldn't resist.]
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Old 05-13-2013, 12:44 PM
 
Location: middle tennessee
1,525 posts, read 508,865 times
Reputation: 5207


I've been thinking.....

For me, its not about forgiveness. I do not want to be hurt again. I sometimes ask myself if I am punishing my children by keeping my distance, but I think its more likely that they felt punished by my presence.

I read threads here about young people dreading visits from their mothers and I think, "That's how mine felt and I never knew it." Now I know.

They no longer need financial help. They have good lives and, knock on wood, the grands are smart and healthy. I have much to be thankful for.

I don't think we need to try and figure out what's wrong with the families people have written about here. Most of us weren't asking for advice. I'm in the group who pretends to the world that everything is fine. I am embarrassed that my children feel the way they do. It was nice to be able to join a group who understands.
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Old 05-13-2013, 01:02 PM
 
1,746 posts, read 2,245,447 times
Reputation: 2681
Quote:
Originally Posted by boogie'smom View Post


I've been thinking.....

For me, its not about forgiveness. I do not want to be hurt again. I sometimes ask myself if I am punishing my children by keeping my distance, but I think its more likely that they felt punished by my presence.

I read threads here about young people dreading visits from their mothers and I think, "That's how mine felt and I never knew it." Now I know.

They no longer need financial help. They have good lives and, knock on wood, the grands are smart and healthy. I have much to be thankful for.

I don't think we need to try and figure out what's wrong with the families people have written about here. Most of us weren't asking for advice. I'm in the group who pretends to the world that everything is fine. I am embarrassed that my children feel the way they do. It was nice to be able to join a group who understands.

You are SO funny. LOL You're a good soul. :-) Bless you.

You're right. This wasn't a place to try to have other's fix us. Simply to tell our stories, if we wanted to, and to know that we are not alone.

And, yes, gratitude goes a long way in diminishing pain and in having a good life, no matter how difficult and painful life becomes.

AND, yes, I understand the need to 'hide'. And it doesn't matter. No one is a coward for not telling people who don't care about us the truth. I still lie at times. I probably will always do it.

I'm unofficially closing this thread (since I can't officially close it). That means only that I won't be back (which I realize is hardly the end of the world). This thread has deteriorated a lot over the past few days, and I no longer feel safe here. But I know this thread accomplished its purpose and that it will be around for a long time, so that people who come after will know that they are not alone either.

My great thanks to Escort Rider who started the thread when I was too chicken to do it (I thought no one would post -- little did I know).

[Why does my post sound like I've just accepted an Academy Award? LLLLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLLLL]

And to everyone who posted their story -- and to everyone who just came to read -- my thoughts and prayers are with you. You really taught me that I'm not alone either.
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