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imcurious, I went back and re-read your OP. You wrote: I had an expectation that "things would turn out ok," and I feel so frustrated that they didn't . . . and because I am older, I don't have the hope and resilience of youth.
I can't tell you how much I miss that "hope and resilience." Last night I spiraled down into a very dark place where I saw no point in continuing the struggle. I got out my journal and wrote about everything that was going on and then I went to bed. Today I feel better - ready to go plant some flowers in the yard dispite my constant muscle pain.
It really helps me to vent by writing. That might help you too. I also try to remain centered in the moment and not let my mind go wandering off to the past which I can't change or the future which I can't really predict and which I can't really prepare for. I have this present moment, and that's it. I really like Buddhist thought and there is a simple Buddhist mantra which I repeat to myself before I start my day:
May I be filled with loving-kindness
May I be well
May I be peaceful and at ease
May I be happy
I love the book A Path with Heart by Jack Kornfield. The book is like a road map for life, and you don't need to be a Buddhist to benefit fron it. Once you get rid of the outter wrappings, all the great spiritual truths are the same. It's all about learning to love well - both ourselves and others. You and I have the age and experience to understand so many profound things. Some people never get this chance when the "hope and resilience of youth" gets snuffed out when a 20 year old meets his end in a car crash.
May you be well; peaceful and at ease. May you be happy.
Yours,
- Rambler
I just have to report this because it is so extraordinary. I went to look on my shelves for "A Path With Heart" and couldn't find it . . .it was not in the "Buddhist" section. I went back and searched again and found it in the "general religion section." I pulled it out, took it outside and sat on my little balcony lounge chair and read it while I ate my toasted peanut-butter sandwich for lunch.
I read 19 pages - saw that I had actually highlighted a section on page 15 on "letting go." Pages 19/20 were paper clipped . . .with this meditation on Loving-Kindness:
May I be filled with loving-kindness.
May I be well.
May I be peaceful and at ease.
May I be happy.
Then I read the following text that describes doing this meditation daily, then adding friends and relatives, and then "enemies" or people you find difficult.
When I had read your suggestion, I had thought of "sending Metta" and had wondered why you had only included yourself. After reading, I see that I have forgotten a lot of this practice. When I tried to do it by picturing myself, I didn't feel very connected to that little girl. I see this is an area that I really do need to practice and thank you so much for suggesting both the book and the practice! I am in awe. Thank you, thank you, thank you - and many blessings to you for taking the time to try to assist me. I see this as a little miracle!
I can relate to this moment of rediscovering what you already know.
I love learning and am somewhat of a seeker and get excited about new insights, but I still have often thought the art of living (which I'd like to get better at) is as much to do with remembering what I already know and letting its light illuminate the present moment.
P.S. Colorado Rambler, I tried to rep you but I got the pop-up that I need to spread it around first. Thank you for your posts, and best wishes.
You keep mentioning how tired you are. Have you had your thyroid tested? I was always tired and could not figure out why. Someone on another forum mentioned my thyroid and sure enough, I was hyperthyroid with Graves disease. I took Radio Active Iodine treatment, big mistake by the way, and now I'm hypothyroid. I take daily medication but if the balance is off I become tired again. It's a simple blood test. Have the doc check your Free T-3, Free T-4 and TSH.
I can relate to this moment of rediscovering what you already know.
I love learning and am somewhat of a seeker and get excited about new insights, but I still have often thought the art of living (which I'd like to get better at) is as much to do with remembering what I already know and letting its light illuminate the present moment.
P.S. Colorado Rambler, I tried to rep you but I got the pop-up that I need to spread it around first. Thank you for your posts, and best wishes.
It's weird but I "know" a lot, but that often doesn't help in the trenches . . .re-discovering this book, however, by the sheer grace of someone reaching out to me on an internet forum - that is awesome and if I can let it really sink in, has great meaning.
It can be hard for me to really connect with what I "know."
Thank you for your insights. I really appreciate your previous post on reconsidering how to look at things . . . and discovering new ways to do things.
You keep mentioning how tired you are. Have you had your thyroid tested? I was always tired and could not figure out why. Someone on another forum mentioned my thyroid and sure enough, I was hyperthyroid with Graves disease. I took Radio Active Iodine treatment, big mistake by the way, and now I'm hypothyroid. I take daily medication but if the balance is off I become tired again. It's a simple blood test. Have the doc check your Free T-3, Free T-4 and TSH.
In my early forties, I was diagnosed with Grave's disease, and like you, had it nuked. Of course they took too much and I gained 30 lbs. in three weeks. Felt much better, though. I do take synthetic thyroid and was just tested a few month's ago . . .everything was ok. I always have to ask them to to all of the tests because they tend to only want to do one (so your advice is very good and very specific).
I do think I have become "run down," for lack of a more precise diagnosis. I am getting massages and that helps - and this forum has really helped me feel supported, so thanks to all who have made positive contributions.
I don't think we realize what getting older, or old age, will really be like...We are 66 this year, last year I got
a total left knee replacement. In the few years before that it was a hysterectomy (at 60) and cataract removal.
I've had a couple of surgeries on my jaw and an implant although I get my teeth cleaned and examined every
6 months (and have for many years). Now my left shoulder needs to be replaced....no, I didn't realize it, but I
am thankful there is help for me. My recent physical was good.
My husband, a polio survivor, has many issues, has had his left knee and shoulder replaced, has COPD and is
on oxygen.
We've made more good decisions than bad, overall.
We get around and feel more fortunate than many others our age...we have several small rentals that help us
get through each month and are thankful for what we have. Yeah when I was young I thought you just get
wealthier as you get older because the boomers were going to have the best of everything.
Many, if not most, people do not end up in their senior years living exactly as they had planned on. Being bitter
only robs you of the life you do have left. Seek help if you are suffering from depression but don't lose out on
living because your fantasy wasn't realized...
Synthroid didn't work for me. It doesn't convert easily to T-3. You have to add Cytomel to it. I was taking Armour thyroid and now I take Nature-throid. There is a good book "Stop the Thyroid Maddness". The tests don't tell the whole story either. If you are still tired, I bet you are not getting enough T-3. Try and find a doctor that prescribes Armour, they are more progressive.
I gained 15 lbs in two weeks when I first went Hypo. My body has never been the same since. I also had eye surgery for Thyroid Eye Disease. My eyes were slightly protruding and it bothered me.
Also a great natural herb for depression and OCD is called 5-HTP. It works wonders for many people. It is a natural SSRI. Look at the reviews on iherb.com.
I don't think we realize what getting older, or old age, will really be like...We are 66 this year, last year I got
a total left knee replacement. In the few years before that it was a hysterectomy (at 60) and cataract removal.
I've had a couple of surgeries on my jaw and an implant although I get my teeth cleaned and examined every
6 months (and have for many years). Now my left shoulder needs to be replaced....no, I didn't realize it, but I
am thankful there is help for me. My recent physical was good.
My husband, a polio survivor, has many issues, has had his left knee and shoulder replaced, has COPD and is
on oxygen.
We've made more good decisions than bad, overall.
We get around and feel more fortunate than many others our age...we have several small rentals that help us
get through each month and are thankful for what we have. Yeah when I was young I thought you just get
wealthier as you get older because the boomers were going to have the best of everything.
Many, if not most, people do not end up in their senior years living exactly as they had planned on. Being bitter
only robs you of the life you do have left. Seek help if you are suffering from depression but don't lose out on
living because your fantasy wasn't realized...
I don't have depression, but thanks for the other suggestions.
Synthroid didn't work for me. It doesn't convert easily to T-3. You have to add Cytomel to it. I was taking Armour thyroid and now I take Nature-throid. There is a good book "Stop the Thyroid Maddness". The tests don't tell the whole story either. If you are still tired, I bet you are not getting enough T-3. Try and find a doctor that prescribes Armour, they are more progressive.
I gained 15 lbs in two weeks when I first went Hypo. My body has never been the same since. I also had eye surgery for Thyroid Eye Disease. My eyes were slightly protruding and it bothered me.
How did the eye surgery go? Are you glad you had it?
I will look into Nature-throid. I never wanted to take Armour because I don't want to take pig thyroid - especially after the outbreaks of this or that to livestock. I never heard of that other drug you mentioned.
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