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It's her life. Encourage her to follow her dreams. We only get one life. Why live with regrets? Go, do, fail, learn, get back up & go again. Do it while you are young enough to still have a life in front of you.
Most of her friends, some entrepreneurial types, have had the financial backing of their parents (which we cannot do for her) or have followed their parents' push into a good career such as medicine or law. That is now happening with her friends - they are in good careers and seem happy and well.
As an athlete, she was a great golfer. I did everything I could - in high school, she went to a school where she had more exposure, won the Heisman Trophy for her area and looked into colleges where she could go on a golf scholarship. She ended up at a great school (pre-med major) and had the golf scholarship she wanted but the school gave her a grant offer also and she chose the academic route.
She was devastated when her scores on her MCAT's weren't good enough for the Ivies. She was eligible for many state schools and we paid for her to retake the exam. That's, I think, around the time she started questioning her abilities and she is so bright, so smart, so amazing, catches on to the concepts quickly.
Like I said, she made some poor choices, ended up in NYC and loves it there. Her immediate boss has been very generous to her and I hate to have her leave his employ. About the golf future - she now says -well, you should have made me - well, I tried. We didn't have all the tools, the sponsors, etc. but now at 28, the possibility is less so and I'd love her to go for it. The travel, there is now a sponsor - she would love it.
My husband and I both feel she gave up on the medical journey too quickly and just should have taken a year off. That was the year of the bad choices; life was out of control for her.
So, now with this new venture, is this just a "here today, gone tomorrow" - what she does not realize is that she will lose the perks she has currently, live in a not-so-safe neighborhood (she does not want roommates) and she may grow to hate her lifestyle (no money, living from check to check).
In her own way, she is reaching out to us for advice and I want to find the right words without dousing her dream. She's getting older; her friends will get more and more successful (and out of her realm) and she doesn't realize she's got it OK now. My personal wish for her - either go on the European golf tour or go back for her MBA.
(I see so many "trainers" and massage therapists who can't seem to make enough money).
At the same time, I'm all for the dream, for what the heart wants.
I think family should try NOT to put pressure on you to follow a certain career path. I had family pressure, I did not listen. Usually when they were supportive, I did extremely well and when not so supportive, not as well even to the point of doing poorly. This is all from a financial standpoint. I sometimes think my family is money motivated. Not that they are wrong, until most of us are older, we don't realize how important that logical part is to figure in. ( I E what is the pay, stability and benefits.) But still no one needs pressure from their family. Just be supportive no matter what she decides. And you might mention to your daughter , as most of us have been betrayed, it only takes one good person to partner with and two people can save a lot of money together which enables the partners to be more free to chose from a variety of jobs, even the low paying ones if that is what their heart calls them to do. Not everyone will cross you. But yes, some certainly will- I'm not at all making light of her pain, I've been there too. Good luck to you both.
I think she is a girl who has champagne tastes but could have a beer budget. If I mention $$$, she tells me I'm so negative. She's a tough girl but has been hurt by many along the way. A lot of stupid stuff but that stuff makes wrong decisions.
I just want to know what happened to the girl who begged and pleaded with us to go and study pre-med at XXX University and when we said - why medicine? She begged, had worked for a doctor in high school, seemed to love it and those pre-med courses were easy A's for her.
I just don't think she sees the reality of it all. I've explained that even the owners of the gym franchise she goes to - husband is full, wife part time but wife still has a 200K plus job on Wall Street - so obviously, it's not so easy. (She hopes to own a franchise - with what I don't know).
I did everything I could........I hate to have her leave his employ......well, I tried.... My husband and I both feel she gave up on the medical journey too quickly and just should have taken a year off. That was the year of the bad choices; life was out of control for her......In her own way, she is reaching out to us for advice and I want to find the right words without dousing her dream.....
I hope you will forgive this comment but based on the excerpts from your post, above, it sounds like you may be way too involved in your daughter's life, not realizing fully that she came of age 7 years ago and is now a mature woman. Parents too involved in their grown kids' lives can cause unsurity and anxieties in them, like they need to look to their parents for reassurance and "permission" at a time when they need (for all concerned) to make their own decisions for better or worse. I'm sure she knows the risks of all options so imo the best thing to do is just listen without giving advice (hard, I know). The most independent acorns fall far from the tree.
1) It's great that your daughter is seeking advice from you.
2) Guide her. Ask her to put together a business proposition. She should research the amount of time this new career will require. What kind of a commitment are we looking at? She should research the actual incomes/work hours for people already in the field. Why guess? It's easy to find solid numbers for these things.
3) Perhaps buy her a career assessment guide. Maybe she should visit a life coach. This isn't as difficult as it seems. At the age of 28, she should be able to rule out a field. Is med school still a possibility? Grades and MCAT scores aren't the only indicators. You really have to have an interest, or it'll be short-lived. Finance is very different. You mention an MBA. This is very, very different from med school. Is this your suggestion or her recommendation?
In short, for the age of 28, she's all over the map. Or maybe you are. I can't figure out from your posts what it is that she truly likes. At 28, I think it very unlikely that someone is divided over the medical / financial fields.
Perhaps she can fuse some of her previous experience and go into nutrition / crossfit.
As a parent, I think the best thing you can do for her is to give her advice about how to find her footing. Point her in the right direction. No one can give her the answer, but you can help guide her to her own answers.
I know a lot of people that have had disappointments, betrayals, and obstacles as they pursue their dreams. A friend had a baby at 24 (did not marry the dad), went on to complete med school (joined the reserves to help pay for it). No one has it easy. Your daughter is going to have to make her own decisions and live with the consequences, good or bad.
BTW, I get the vibe from your posts on this thread that yes, you are a bit too much about money and about the success of her peers. She is probably absorbing this from you and it could be causing her even more frustration.
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Her social circle is filled with....
