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For a woman particularly, it is quite different being in the dating game at ages 48 to 50 as opposed to being in the dating game being ages 65 and older.
Also finding a significant other or spouse in the world of work does not exist for retirees.
I find the randomness of life's happenings is displayed in the world of dating, romance, finding someone you click with, finding significant others and/or a spouse.
I'm sure there are differences. I'm also sure it happens. We see it where we live which includes quite a number of retirees. There is socialization and some actually do pair-off.
One thing I've noticed, and I think it's perhaps true. Yes, men want younger women, through their middle aged years. But when they reach a certain age, they seem to suddenly want a woman their own age or just a bit younger than they are.
So I guess what I'm saying is that there's hope. And if you're out there doing all of the social things--friends, hobbies, pets, church, socializing of whatever sort, there is a decent chance that you will meet someone. And as my husband likes to say, you have a better chance of finding someone when you are not looking!
That doesn't mean that many or most or even a good number or significant number of seniors will be downhill skiing or finding that a significant other or spouse is in the cards for them.
I don't know how to answer the question. I've not been in that situation since I was 48 and was "healed" and remarried at 50, and that was 17 years ago. What I do know is that if my wife goes before I do, I will not remarry nor likely enter into any kind of relationship beyond just friends. Relationships are a lot of hard work and I don't believe I'd be up to that.
I remarried at 48 and I'm 61 now. Happily married. I feel the same as you. If my husband died before me, that would be it. I would not be inclined to ever want another relationship, let alone marriage again. Friends, yes. But all the work of another relationship, no way. Anyway, nobody could compare to who I have now.
So many of my friends are widowed and the men have quickly gotten involved in relationships -- most remarried within 2 years. The women, however, have not remarried. Why? Cause they say they can't find anyone to even date.
Now here is what some research (informally, on my part) turned up . . . the men all hooked up with people they had known YEARS EARLIER. They did not marry people they recently met! Every last man has married someone from high school, or someone they worked with years earlier, or someone they lived near while both couples were married.
The men sought these ladies out and ended up marrying. The women have not done their homework and tried to find out who from their past is available, possibly even living in another part of the country.
Now maybe that means something as far as trending and maybe it doesn't. But it seems to me that men have the right idea -- if they are looking for a partner, they seek out someone they already knew.
When we reconnect with someone we knew earlier in our lives, we see each other through eyes tempered with pleasant memories and with a shared history. And if it is someone who knows our history well or at least part of it . . . there are things we don't have to explain. We may already even know their families. We may even have some of the same friends.
So . . . maybe the key to finding a new relationship is to look into our pasts rather than counting exclusively on new friendships to be the ones that flower into something enduring.
So many of my friends are widowed and the men have quickly gotten involved in relationships -- most remarried within 2 years. The women, however, have not remarried. Why? Cause they say they can't find anyone to even date.
Now here is what some research (informally, on my part) turned up . . . the men all hooked up with people they had known YEARS EARLIER. They did not marry people they recently met! Every last man has married someone from high school, or someone they worked with years earlier, or someone they lived near while both couples were married.
The men sought these ladies out and ended up marrying. The women have not done their homework and tried to find out who from their past is available, possibly even living in another part of the country.
Now maybe that means something as far as trending and maybe it doesn't. But it seems to me that men have the right idea -- if they are looking for a partner, they seek out someone they already knew.
When we reconnect with someone we knew earlier in our lives, we see each other through eyes tempered with pleasant memories and with a shared history. And if it is someone who knows our history well or at least part of it . . . there are things we don't have to explain. We may already even know their families. We may even have some of the same friends.
So . . . maybe the key to finding a new relationship is to look into our pasts rather than counting exclusively on new friendships to be the ones that flower into something enduring.
That's what I have noticed, for what it is worth.
I think there's a great deal of merit to what you said. I actually did reach back to college and tried to find my old college sweetheart but failed. Ultimately I asked out a former coworker with whom I had stayed in touch professionally and that's who I am now married to. She was my first post-divorce date and that was it. The die was cast. No regrets.
Oh, yes. I did run across the old college flame some years (about 10) later and we're still in touch. She's the only one left who knew and remembers my parents (long gone). I must say, I'm glad I didn't find her back then. Now, almost 50 years after our college days, we'd be completely incompatible as anything but friends.
I think there's a great deal of merit to what you said. I actually did reach back to college and tried to find my old college sweetheart but failed. Ultimately I asked out a former coworker with whom I had stayed in touch professionally and that's who I am now married to. She was my first post-divorce date and that was it. The die was cast. No regrets.
Oh, yes. I did run across the old college flame some years (about 10) later and we're still in touch. She's the only one left who knew and remembers my parents (long gone). I must say, I'm glad I didn't find her back then. Now, almost 50 years after our college days, we'd be completely incompatible as anything but friends.
I am so glad it worked out the way it did for you, Curm!!!
What is that song . . . "Thank God for Unanswered Prayers?" Amazing how we can look back and see that what we thought was a roadblock or disappointment was a blessing in disguise -- and put us on track to find the right person!
So many of my friends are widowed and the men have quickly gotten involved in relationships -- most remarried within 2 years. The women, however, have not remarried. Why? Cause they say they can't find anyone to even date.
Women, even when they are at an advanced age, are almost always looking for Prince Charming. My single women friends have a laundry list of must-haves and must-avoids and they refuse older men for having "too much baggage," lol. What do they think they have???
A widower is usually looking for the cozy comforts his wife once provided, in an uncomplicated relationship. Comforts = good cooking, willingness to food shop and house clean and have sex, companionship. I don't see widowers looking for perfection, they just don't want drama or a high-maintenance woman. I have widower acquaintances whom I see around town with the most quiet, unassuming (sometimes mousy but never brassy) women on their arm. And who can blame them? That's probably why all the available men aren't single for long. They actively recouple while women are sleuthing for Mr. Right.
I am 65, my husband died 7 years ago and honestly, I am not interested in hooking up with another man. I just don't want to take care of another one. I had two husbands, they both died of cancer, living through those experiences sealed the deal for me. I have many friends both male and female, we have fun doing things together, dinners, traveling, shopping and a bunch of other dumb stuff, I am do everything on my own terms and am really enjoying my last years.
There are many meetup groups throughout the US, I belong to several, one is a walking club, another a breakfast club...lots of fun...no strings attached. You might consider searching out the groups in your area.
I used to say I would remarry but as I age I realize I do not want the responsibility/concern of another person in my life. A lady friend and exclusive, yes. Close, sharing, financial independence, respectful, funny, loving, spirited, sexual, etc., yes. Married and/or living together, no.
Amen to that.
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