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I am just wondering why, once the negative posters post their reasons why the idea is not for them, they continue to blast those who would like to discuss the OP. It seems like an intentional bullying and ragging to me.
Very discourteous.
I agree.
Quote:
Originally Posted by anifani821
Very interesting article . . . and what some have created as their housing solution as they face being single and growing older.
Then a comment about the need for long-term care insurance, followed several posts later by a valiant attempt to get us back on the topic
Quote:
Originally Posted by boogie'smom
I think it would be great. For one thing, I feel wasteful living in my downsized space, but I wouldn't want to live in a smaller apartment. Sharing a large house seems like an ideal situation.
I don't think of this as a way to avoid the nursing home. To me, its more about having a happier life in the years between then and now.
Followed by 31 pages of I-think-this-is-a-terrible-idea, it-will-never-work, I-don't-like-it-one-bit posts dragging down the discussion of those who actually do want to talk about it.
This is not the first thread on this very topic that has been derailed by those who have no interest in the topic and yet continue to put up one negative post after another.
Is the idea of people living together and having a good time threatening to them in some way? Have they had such a dreadful time forming human relationships that they have come to believe it is impossible to do? One person seems to believe that once her long-suffering husband passes, she will have to pay people to be around her. She may be right about this, but what has that got to do with GG living for the rest of us?
Are folks so lacking in human interaction that they have nothing better to do than spend their time floating around C-D forums, posting negative comments about topics they are not interested in? Do they get on the motorcycle threads and rag on people for being foolish, point out that they are all going to end up with Traumatic Brain Injuries? Do they go on the diet threads and put down people's foolish attempts to lose weight?
Those of us who want to talk about this, share resources, come to a deeper understanding... do we need to start a closed yahoo group to discuss it?
Last edited by GotHereQuickAsICould; 03-06-2014 at 02:32 PM..
I think communal living is such a good idea. But as the caregiver for a husband with Alzheimer's, I'd be concerned about the level of care to expect in a group environment. Helping someone as they convalesce from surgery is one thing, but taking care of someone who has a debilitating disease is another. Obviously, this would have to be discussed up front.
Thinking more about a situation where there are 6-12 small apartments or cottages plus some shared common spaces. To test compatibility, someone could rent an apartment for 6 months or a year before deciding to "buy" into the partnership. Both sides could make a compatability decision before a long term commitment.
And I don't understand the issue of making decisions at 55 or 65 or 75. Few decisions are permanent or non-reversible. If someone were to own an interest in a partnership that owns an apartment building and they need to move to assisted care or they die, they still own (or their estate) their share of the apartment as an investment. Their share could be sold to the next person that wanted to move in.
Just FWIW - in general - once you get beyond the 1 or 2 roommates thing - and into the realm of what you're describing - you'll run up smack against the wall of federal/state/local housing anti-discrimination laws. A group of old ladies with a larger place can't decide to exclude younger people with kids - guys - people of different races/religions - or just about anyone else. Including people they just don't like. Excellent legal advice would be advised in a situation like the one you're thinking about.
Also - in general - a basic partnership would not in most places be the best way for a group of people to own property. Again - excellent legal advice would be in order. Robyn
I think communal living is such a good idea. But as the caregiver for a husband with Alzheimer's, I'd be concerned about the level of care to expect in a group environment. Helping someone as they convalesce from surgery is one thing, but taking care of someone who has a debilitating disease is another. Obviously, this would have to be discussed up front.
My heart goes out to you caring for your husband with Alzheimer's. You've got a tough rough to hoe. At some point, you may decide that you can't do it any longer, that your spouse needs more supervision and support than you are able to provide and start looking for a residential setting that can meet his needs.
I would think that the transition to a memory care unit/ALF/nursing home would occur from a GG type living arrangement much the way it would from a private home. At one point, your kids, the county social, your roommates, someone would determine that this is no longer working and start looking for options.
Unless they were really, really good friends, I seriously doubt that a GG's group would care for a roommate with serious health issues, dementia, or other debilitating disease.
I certainly am not looking at this as a way to avoid moving into a memory care unit or nursing home, but as a way to enjoy life between now and then.
The Golden Girls was a TV show - hardly reality. In real life those ladies would have beaten the snot out of each other.
I understand we are discussing the concept. Can it work - sure. But only with carefully examining each personality and each person's "issues". I don't think that I am being unfair to say that generally speaking, many women have difficulty getting along - it's not just a stereotype. I think this thread has demonstrated that. Introduce a man and it could result in serious bodily damage. I just got an image in my head of this never ending soap opera.
I like the idea of small separate cottages with a communal area. I think I just described many 55+ communities. Someone mentioned why reinvent what already exists.
I will be the one that lives down the street and watches all this from afar - in complete peace without daily stress.
I'm with you on almost all of this. And if any woman in her 50's is thinking about living with another woman in her 70's or so or older - I suggest she try living for a year with her mother or MIL first. When my best friend (who's about 10 years younger than I am - in her 50's) comes home from south Florida after dealing with her mother these days - she is beyond the pulling out her hair stage. We have some drinks - some salty snacks - watch some golf - and try to get her BP somewhat back to normal. And - the place/person you mention - "the one who lives down the street and watches [everything from afar without daily stress]". Well that's the part of town I care to live in - and put my best friend in too.
FWIW - my best friend is a young widow. Her husband died a few years ago - in his 50's - of a Parkinson's type of disease. He was an invalid for quite a few years before he died. But he never gave my friend as many problems as her mother does today.
Even my father - who is no slouch when it comes to complaining - has started to remark of late how many of the women where he lives are now just bitchy/bitchy all the time. Complaining about everything all the time. WRT their housing units/their food/etc. The whole "I complain therefore I am thing".
WRT men - well the original Golden Girls series had a lot of episodes that dealt with men. Male friends/lovers - ex-husbands - and - IIRC - at least a couple of potential/future husbands. I don't know what's wrong with any of that for older women. For the same reason that I wouldn't be a good roommate for a woman were my husband to die - well I wouldn't be particularly interested in a male roommate or a second "death do you part" joined at the hip male partner either. But the mileage of other women may vary. My next door neighbor (a friend - but not my best friend or anything like it) - well her husband died of a Parkinson's type disease too a few years ago (hope it doesn't have anything to do with our water!). She was a very attractive widow in her early 50's - and wound up getting remarried to a retired professional guy in his 60's. I run into her all the time - and my opinion of her current situation is (even though it wouldn't be my cup of tea).
And if I - in terms of personal preferences were my husband to predecease me - wasn't interested in a new spouse - but an occasional male companion for events - well why would anyone complain about or object to that or diss it? Just because I'm a woman and might perhaps be picking up a bill? I really don't get it. Robyn
Yes, we males (in the aggregate) tend to go in more for the fist fights and guns drawn. You females have less destructive fighting, such as vicious verbal cat fights over who should properly post in a thread.
LOL.
And you know - even though people have said I've said risque things to you - I think you should hook up with a nice woman now. Or at least try to. To keep you company as you get older. (Just to be PC - if you're gay - and I'm 99+% sure you aren't - then you should hook up with another guy). Based on my observations - women tend to age better alone than men. Guess we're more self-sufficient. Guys tend to get more lonely.
Also - at your age - since you're a guy - it's much easier to find a woman than it would be for a woman your age (like me) to find a guy, I think one reason women age better alone IMO is because we know for a long time before we get older that we'll probably have to. So we get used to the idea before we have to live it. Robyn
And you know - even though people have said I've said risque things to you - I think you should hook up with a nice woman now. Or at least try to. To keep you company as you get older. (Just to be PC - if you're gay - and I'm 99+% sure you aren't - then you should hook up with another guy). Based on my observations - women tend to age better alone than men. Guess we're more self-sufficient. Guys tend to get more lonely.
Also - at your age - since you're a guy - it's much easier to find a woman than it would be for a woman your age (like me) to find a guy, I think one reason women age better alone IMO is because we know for a long time before we get older that we'll probably have to. So we get used to the idea before we have to live it. Robyn
And I don't understand the issue of making decisions at 55 or 65 or 75.Few decisions are permanent or non-reversible. If someone were to own an interest in a partnership that owns an apartment building and they need to move to assisted care or they die, they still own (or their estate) their share of the apartment as an investment. Their share could be sold to the next person that wanted to move in.
There are many, many decisions one might make at age 55 that they wouldn't choose at age 75, twenty years later. For ex, when I was 55 I entertained moving to a small town in another state because I had no problem with the idea of driving distances to get to some action or shopping. Now I want to be on top of everything I need.
Ten or fifteen years ago I had no problem with the idea of moving from a one-floor ranch to a two-floor farmhouse, which I did 3 years ago. I would not do that now. Back in my 50s (and the years sure do fly fast) I wanted a piece of land for gardening but mobility challenges changed that idea fast.
Sure, decisions do not have to be permanent, but I (and I'd bet) many others do not savor the idea, at age 75 or 80, of undoing a situation that had seemed so good at age 55 or 60. Of course if money is no object you can pay to have situations more easily reversed.
I know three couples here in their late 70s who are quite well off who, even with all their resources, are having one heck of a hard time making a needed move now. Just getting around to see their current options with their challenged hips and knees is a huge deal. And, financial legalities (trusts and estates naming property) have to be undone as well, in any move.
Those of us who want to talk about this, share resources, come to a deeper understanding... do we need to start a closed yahoo group to discuss it?
With understanding for your frustration, I'd just like to comment that there is a difference between a "forum" (we all know what that is) and a "club" or "common interest group." Maybe that's what would work for you.
I think it's good for those who get gung-ho about something to have reality interjected into their ruminations, through the perspectives and opinions of others. "Coming to a deeper understanding" usually involves walking around all facets of an idea, the great, the good, the bad, and the ugly.
As a point of reference, the OP did not specify supportive statements to the GG idea. She posted a link, which the posters here took as an invitation for open discussion, pro and con. Seems like only a few want to hear the pro, but again, it's a forum.
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