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And it may be that we only get one of those friends in a lifetime - IF WE ARE LUCKY!!!! I don't know that everyone has such good fortune, but I surely hope they do.
You bring up one of the things that has always bewildered me about aging. In fact, other than the physical ravages of aging (sagging, bagging, wrinkling, lack of stamina, etc) - the thought of finding myself IRRELEVANT to my community, to society in general, is my worst fear. I don't want to be shuffled to the side. I have too much to share!!!! I am a good mentor!!!
I hope everyone has such good fortune as well.
This conversation has reminded me that I need to keep myself open to being that kind of friend to one of my younger neighbors. Surely, it isn't any easier for them to raise kids than it was for us. Perhaps one of them could use such a friend.
It's troubling to me at times to realize that I might spend a third of my life retired. Yikes!
Surely, there has to more to the next thirty years than breathe in, breathe out.
I am impossible to live with, a real PIA. No one could stand me for more than a week. I'm too quiet, don't like to chat (out loud), can't stand noise overhead or under me or on the other side of a wall. I love peace and quiet, after so many years raising rambunctious children and their friends. I don't know how I did it back then, so much commotion but then in those years I didn't mind. When the kids grew up and left home I started to love quiet. Even the TV and radio gets to me often and I have to snap it off. (DH is just like me, which is why in old age we get along.) So I'm not a good candidate for living with roommates.
You sound like my ideal housemate. I don't like noise, watch TV with closed captioning on and the sound down, and often just want to be left alone. Maybe we can have thermostat wars for a little excitement.
You sound like my ideal housemate. I don't like noise, watch TV with closed captioning on and the sound down, and often just want to be left alone. Maybe we can have thermostat wars for a little excitement.
My ideal thermo setting is 58–62 degrees. Any hotter than that and I panic. What's yours?
Actually, we have friends in Palm Beach (who "summer" in western NC mountains) who described to us this very situation you outlined.
For many years, hubby used to teasingly say that if I died first, he was going to move to Palm Beach and become a "Walker," the term our friends use to describe men who essentially are friends that escort the ladies to social/charity events, fill in as a guest at dinner parties, etc.
My friends said - the men enjoy the very best of a country club lifestyle and the only requirement is that they have proper attire, are good dancers (hubby was an accomplished ballroom dancer), a good conversationalist, a proper bartender, and know how to give a good toast, lololol.
They never mentioned that most of these "Walkers" are gay but it totally makes sense - a nice time to be had by all and no expectations of anything else involved.
I am impossible to live with, a real PIA. No one could stand me for more than a week. I'm too quiet, don't like to chat (out loud), can't stand noise overhead or under me or on the other side of a wall. I love peace and quiet, after so many years raising rambunctious children and their friends. I don't know how I did it back then, so much commotion but then in those years I didn't mind. When the kids grew up and left home I started to love quiet. Even the TV and radio gets to me often and I have to snap it off. (DH is just like me, which is why in old age we get along.) So I'm not a good candidate for living with roommates.
Now that my son is gone I have come to love peace and quiet.
And it doesn't bother me in the least.
When I have family over now I can see that "quiet" bothers them.
It's funny how people get so used to background noise and feel lost when it's gone.
My ideal thermo setting is 58–62 degrees. Any hotter than that and I panic. What's yours?
Well sister NEG - I am your roommate from temperature he** . You don't want to live with me - and I don't want to live with you. My minimum house temp in the winter is about 72-73 - and I'm happier in the summer with about 76-77. My husband and I went out to the beach today (first time we've seen the sun in more time than usual). It was 62. I was wearing pants - a turtleneck - and a light weight jacket. What do you wear in your house when it's 62? Do you wrap yourself in a blanket ? I think NE people and Florida people might have very different notions of comfy temps . Robyn
P.S. Except for my freezing to death with you - or your roasting to death with me - sounds like a perfect match .
Well sister NEG - I am your roommate from temperature he** . You don't want to live with me - and I don't want to live with you. My minimum house temp in the winter is about 72-73 - and I'm happier in the summer with about 76-77. My husband and I went out to the beach today (first time we've seen the sun in more time than usual). It was 62. I was wearing pants - a turtleneck - and a light weight jacket. What do you wear in your house when it's 62? Do you wrap yourself in a blanket ? I think NE people and Florida people might have very different notions of comfy temps . Robyn
P.S. Except for my freezing to death with you - or your roasting to death with me - sounds like a perfect match .
For me 62 degrees calls for shorts and t-shirt indoors and out. Today was in the 40s, a heat wave, and I washed my car in capris and a t-shirt.
...As for discussing such things with my hubby: Absolutely, yes, we have discussed all sorts of things that have to do with his dying first or my dying first . . . and what decisions we would make as a widow/er. With my husband's tenuous health, I definitely think about these things and so does he.
We have recently discussed whether or not I would want to stay in this part of the country, or move elsewhere, too. We have also discussed how we want things handled with our personal belongings should one of us die, and the other remarry. We are updating our wills to include decisions we have made about such things.
It gives me peace of mind to know I have had hubby's input on possible eventualities.
None of us knows what the future holds. But having various contingency plans can't be a bad thing.
Also, I am not one to make fast decisions -- I prefer having time to process, consider, listen, research and distill info. I have recently been faced with an unexpected turn of events with hubby's health and the impact on our finances, and once I was able to discuss it, listen to advice, read/research, weigh options . . . I have been able to map out a workable plan. I am so glad I had my husband's input--including his thoughts about decisions we make now that will impact other decisions (options, challenges) for me in the future.
I have been through a divorce so I know what it means to start out with one life plan and see that crumble, then put the pieces back together again in a new fashion . . . and move forward. I am fine as long as I understand exactly what I am dealing with. We can never know all the unexpected twists and turns that we will confront. The best plans need to be flexible and backed up with several contingency plans!
For those considering a "Golden Girls" arrangement, I think we have explored so many good points in this thread, with possibly the most important one being that all people involved clearly understand the limitations and expectations of one another.
I would say that the most important thing to consider when embarking on any new lifestyle venture (and this would be a lifestyle change!) is to remember that NOTHING IS FOREVER. So, if the agreement is flexible, if everyone realizes that things can change, including one's health and one's status as a single (some folks DO remarry!) . . . then it seems to me that "trying it out" is no more intimidating than signing a year's lease for an apartment. If it works for a while, then that was a great experience! If it doesn't, back to the drawing board, lol.
Very excellent message IMO. At some point - all of us with spouses/partners/SOs - whether we're male or female - will be facing the prospect of or living with the reality of being without those people. You're closer to crossing that bridge today than me or my husband - but one or the other of us will get there sooner or later. I agree that these are not decisions we should make quickly - or enter into without understanding all of the ramifications. Hope you and your husband do well with whatever time you have left together (which I hope will be the maximum amount of quality time possible). Robyn
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? I think NE people and Florida people might have very different notions of comfy temps 
