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While I can understand that some people are going to take offense at the OP (Texdav is right; there is nothing wrong with walking with some friends to an activity), I really like your attitude, Ipoetry!
Some of us are just not tempermentally suited for life in a 55+, and perhaps you had to discover that by acually living in one. Or, to put it another way, the one you chose may have more idiotic rules than some others. There is nothing horrible about admitting to having made a mistake and correcting it. Good for you. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
I know from this Retirement Forum that many folks love their 55+ communities and I am happy for them. But I am more like ipoetry; give me my L.A. Fitness gym within walking distance of my home where all ages go and where we get on the treadmills with the same sneakers we put on at home! Give me my townhouse in a 26-unit complex where there is a mixture of ages - some retired like me and others with young toddlers. Having little kids around does make it seem like the "real world" and I like the use of that phrase in the OP.
There is something about this that is hard to put one's finger on, but we are all going to prefer certain environments, certain atmospheres. I spent some time - several days - moving my mother into her retirement community and I was pleasantly surprised by what a cheery atmosphere prevailed. I liked the place - for my mother. But for me, no thanks. Seeing the same faces multiple times a day in the dining hall for how long - years maybe? Two months later my mother died and I spent several more days there with my sister going through all our mother's stuff, and my opinion never changed - I liked the place, for my mother.
Maybe I am just way too young to fit into a retirement community (69). If the time ever comes when I can no longer drive and in addition can no longer prepare food for myself, well then I may have no choice but to have that dining room that I just take an elevator to and where I see the same faces day after day and eat the same style food (even though the specific items vary).
And yes, I understand that in some retirement communities you can have your own home on its own lot, but still, no thanks, not for me. I can relate to what you have written, Ipoetry.
I totally relate! I'm a young retiree (56, arthritic knees side-lined me from teaching preschool) Anywho, da hubby and I relocated out of state, moved to a 55+ community. I HATE IT!!!!! Bingo at 1pm in the afternoon?!? Domino tournaments?!? Are you kiddin' me?! My knees don't work, not my brain!!!
I'm gettin' the H E double hockey sticks out of here as fast as my feet will carry me!!!!
I'm used to deep intellectual conversations, my husband and I don't shy away from what is considered off-limit topics...here where we are, the conversation centers around aches, pains, grandchildren, and doctor appointments. I feel my mind slowly ebbing away. We made a mistake, pure and simple, so now we are going to rectify that mistake by moving back to an area we feel is more progressive, liberal and perhaps I'll take that part time desk job and start a blog for active seniors. Take care all!
I totally relate! I'm a young retiree (56, arthritic knees side-lined me from teaching preschool) Anywho, da hubby and I relocated out of state, moved to a 55+ community. I HATE IT!!!!! Bingo at 1pm in the afternoon?!? Domino tournaments?!? Are you kiddin' me?! My knees don't work, not my brain!!!
I'm gettin' the H E double hockey sticks out of here as fast as my feet will carry me!!!!
I'm used to deep intellectual conversations, my husband and I don't shy away from what is considered off-limit topics...here where we are, the conversation centers around aches, pains, grandchildren, and doctor appointments. I feel my mind slowly ebbing away. We made a mistake, pure and simple, so now we are going to rectify that mistake by moving back to an area we feel is more progressive, liberal and perhaps I'll take that part time desk job and start a blog for active seniors. Take care all!
That rang true for us. We researched a lot, but focused on a town where ALL the condos were 55+. We hated the vibe--they were 55+ but average age of maybe 78. Settled in a mixed age development, working age people and retirees and snowbirds all mixed. In a vibrant area--not going to bingo when there are traveling Broadway shows, art festivals, state parks, beaches, museums and more entertainment options than we can get to.
55+ must be right for some people, or there would not be so many of them. Condo, no outside maintenance duties? Heck yes. But 55+ is not for us.
That rang true for us. We researched a lot, but focused on a town where ALL the condos were 55+. We hated the vibe--they were 55+ but average age of maybe 78.
So everyone in the entire town was an average age of 78? Don't blame you at all for being uncomfortable in a town like that, I can imagine that not much gets down if everyone is almost 80 or older. Fortunately, most 55+ communities are part of or next to real cities, so you can easily get that mix of ages if you wish. I agree that if I looked at a community that was so isolated that everyone for miles around is an average age of 78, I would think twice about moving there--if everyone was really that old then that would mean the majority of residents die every year and nobody in their 50s or 60s has moved in for more than 20 years. That's not a smart place to live, after 3-4 years you'd be the only resident left. Fortunately, that's not what the typical 55+ community is like.
....we are on a 55+ thread here. Lifestyle at these places is the selling point. There are so many of these 55+ communities and all have different options and stuff that you really need to talk to not just the sales people but to the residents themselves. Learn what it is like to live there. Do you have things in common with the community? Are they open to new ideas? Is the community too big for you? Too small? Too far away from civilization? Too close? No beaches? No mountains? Are you one that will need medical services regularly? Are they close enough?
I don't really understand the "lifestyle" thing. Whether one is living inside or outside a 55+ community, one can have access to outdoor recreation, crafts, social events, etc. Even within a 55+ community there will be many "lifestyles" represented—the Poker playing set, the golfers, the artsy folks, etc. that mirror the "outside world."
To me "lifestyle" is something you build on your own, without the need for a particular place to give it. That said, my guess would be that most 55+ communities would have similar sets of "lifestyle" activities so the real issues in selection would foremost be which kind of architectural/interior style do you like best, what kind of climate, what kind of location, etc. Outside of those factors, it would appear that if one can find happiness in one 55+ in terms of lifestyle, one could be happy in just about any. There are of course unknown variables such as Nazi-type board members, etc that one would not know until moving in.
... Fortunately, most 55+ communities are part of or next to real cities, so you can easily get that mix of ages if you wish. I agree that if I looked at a community that was so isolated that everyone for miles around is an average age of 78, I would think twice about moving there... Fortunately, that's not what the typical 55+ community is like.
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Originally Posted by newenglandgirl
I don't really understand the "lifestyle" thing. Whether one is living inside or outside a 55+ community, one can have access to outdoor recreation, crafts, social events, etc. Even within a 55+ community there will be many "lifestyles" represented—the Poker playing set, the golfers, the artsy folks, etc. that mirror the "outside world."
To me "lifestyle" is something you build on your own, without the need for a particular place to give it. That said, my guess would be that most 55+ communities would have similar sets of "lifestyle" activities so the real issues in selection would foremost be which kind of architectural/interior style do you like best, what kind of climate, what kind of location, etc. Outside of those factors, it would appear that if one can find happiness in one 55+ in terms of lifestyle, one could be happy in just about any. There are of course unknown variables such as Nazi-type board members, etc that one would not know until moving in.
A "big thumbs up" to both of these posts. Nothing says you have to participate in the "lifestyle" of one of these communities. We winter in one, and don't participate in most of the activities, although we go to a community breakfast once a month usually, and I've met a few people at the pool where I hang out. But we have access to a wonderful little town, walking distance away. We make friends where we want to, and do what we like.
We lived in the Sierras many years back before moving to AZ. Our lifestyle was working and mostly working then coming up a long mountain road, ice and snow, to our home which was the heart and soul of our lifestyle. We hiked, drove to Napa for weekends, enjoyed ourselves then home to our cave. Here in a 55+ we pretty much do the same for far less taxes and costs with far more to do in art than we did up north. We still make a drive now and then to interesting places but our home is our base. It just depends on what you consider your lifestyle. Some will want killer views with lots of nature and arts, but will be highly taxed. I got tired of nasty teenagers and their nasty younger parents who seemed to me to have little soul and only interested in getting that new SUV/Mercedes to park in their postage stamp of a driveway. Not my thing. I do love it here and we have carved out a very nice cave. However, I have to confess that we fell in love with downtown Portland.....sigh.
Nothing says you have to participate in the "lifestyle" of one of these communities.
I guess not but can you assure one that a price won't have to be paid?? Humans are social animals and things heat up in stratified communities. People like people joining up for things. Some people don't and perhaps can take it to the extent that you're being off-putting to them if you don't. You believe you're not but that's the vibe they feel in any case. You know how people can be!!!..One thing is we're creaking a bid but hey we got life experience....;-).... Now I'd think if anyone joins a 55+ community it has to be EXPECTED that you will be partaking of activitities. And if not, why are you there then? You see that has to be the 'norm' from the get-go. Also I'd think there'd be a social hierarchy to manage. hehheh Life sure doesn't look easy at a 55+! Sometimes I'm thinking it just could be tougher living with a group of people in a place than managing to live on 'your own' on a nice tree-shaded Maple Street in Anytown USA. Heck it could be like camp when you were a kid but now patience is no longer a virtue in one's life...;-)...
Too many rules, sheeple that walk down the street amassed like zombies toward their 10 o'clock water aerobics class or 11 o'clock bridge game, did I say too many rules? No diving or jumping into the pool, little girls' hair must be braided so as not to clog up the pool filter, etc., etc. No outside sneakers on the treadmills, just clean brand new sneakers so as not to guck up the equipment.
We've found a nearby neighborhood; small back yards insure there are no pools, no german shepherds, and we're thinking of making the change toward freedom. We figure coffins are much too confining, why settle for the restrictions now when we should be raising hell?
Hilarious. In May you said this:
Quote:
I live in a 55-plus community and I'm 63, my husband is 66. The term 55 is a misnomer. You'll never find anyone age 55 here. Do I like it? Somedays I do, somedays I don't. We built in the new section (still being built) two years ago and the people who are moving in are closer to our age. The old section which was build 12 to 20 years ago is mostly populated with an older crowd and it's a different world. I'm one of those people who doesn't mind paying for a pool I'll never use or a golf course I'll never play because I like happy neighbors. My husband belongs to a private golf course but uses the community course once in awhile.
What do I like:
1. I'm slowly meeting some of my best friends for life. The newer, younger residents kayak, they go out to dinner, they travel to Europe and they're fun to be around. A lot of them are still working at least part-time. We have an annual block party for just our street because we enjoy each other's company. Are we becoming cliquey? Not really. We just have things in common.
2. I like that we're gated and manned 24/7.
3. I like that we're plowed and shoveled. I like that our landscaping is kept up and fresh looking and all outside maintenance, siding, roofing, paving, storm doors, etc. are the responsibility of the HOA.
4. I love that my townhouse feels like a house, about 2,100 sf with two decks and a view of a pond.
5. I like that we're located in a town with a fashionable Town Center with great restaurants and shops and that I can walk to it.
6. I like that we have walking trails within the complex and outside. There's no shortage of places to walk or bike.
7. I like that we only have to buy apartment insurance because we're only responsible for our own belongings.
What I don't like:
1. I don't attend the weekly women's coffee, I don't sit by the pool, I don't go to any of the lectures or activities, but we did attend the New Year's Eve party and we had a grand time. For the most part, I'm a girlfriend type and I like one-on-one conversations. I don't like groups or group conversations because they tend to shallow out. Is this a problem? Nope, I just don't go. But again, I like my neighbors to be happy.
2. Sometimes I feel like I'm looking 15 years into my future when I'm around too many old people in one place. As stated above, we gravitate to the newer residents closer to our own age.
3. I miss having children around. It's so nice during school vacations or summer time when kids come to visit their grandparents and we hear their voices and see them riding their bikes!
4. We have rules, what we can plant, etc. It took me awhile but I'm good with this now.
All-in-all, we're good here. We've been sailing on a neighbor's boat, we've been to concerts with neighbors, we've eaten more cheese and drunk more wine in the afternoon with new friends than ever before. The key is to know that you can take what you want and leave the rest behind. Also, it's important to have friends and activities outside the gates. Tomorrow we're attending a Kentucky Derby party that a friend from a nearby town is hosting. It keeps things balanced.
I am more positive about where I live now than I was even six months ago. It's growing on me. Will I stay here forever? Probably not. We're gypsies at heart and always looking for a new adventure. This is our second retirement home. We think we have a third destination spot in us.
The key is having an independent attitude. No community or complex owns me. There are days when I lock my door and say '*********' to the world and there are days when I'm on my front steps looking for company. I can have it all here. No one holds a gun to my head and says, "Play cards now!" There are absolutely no demands made on me here. My HOA at close to $500/mo is a bargain. There are pros and cons to everything. Yes, I miss the sound of children but do I want to see a school bus parked in my neighbor's driveway?
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Originally posted by travric
Quote:
Nothing says you have to participate in the "lifestyle" of one of these communities.
I guess not but can you assure one that a price won't have to be paid?? Humans are social animals and things heat up in stratified communities. People like people joining up for things. Some people don't and perhaps can take it to the extent that you're being off-putting to them if you don't. You believe you're not but that's the vibe they feel in any case. You know how people can be!!!..One thing is we're creaking a bid but hey we got life experience....;-).... Now I'd think if anyone joins a 55+ community it has to be EXPECTED that you will be partaking of activitities. And if not, why are you there then? You see that has to be the 'norm' from the get-go. Also I'd think there'd be a social hierarchy to manage. hehheh Life sure doesn't look easy at a 55+! Sometimes I'm thinking it just could be tougher living with a group of people in a place than managing to live on 'your own' on a nice tree-shaded Maple Street in Anytown USA. Heck it could be like camp when you were a kid but now patience is no longer a virtue in one's life...;-)...
This point has been alleged before in this thread and is ridiculous. Especially since you're debating something you know nothing about. It's not even common sense. If I don't socialize with my neighbors what magical powers do they have over me? POINTING? Eyerolling? Gossiping? Ohhhh I'm so upset. Maybe they're going to raise the HOA fees for all NON PARTICIPANTS?
The OP can't decide between May and August if she loves the place or hates the place.
Regardless. calling neighbors ZOMBIES for merely walking to pool activities in the morning says more about her than the zombies. Activities that she doesn't do but still feels compelled to complain about. Some people just like to feel superior to others.
Last edited by runswithscissors; 09-26-2013 at 05:49 PM..
in my experience, 55+ communities are a far cry from assisted living, and i know of no 55+ communities that have assisted living units as a part of their community. i realize that may be something that some 55+communities have begun to offer, as their populations are growing older and more infirm, but i am not personally aware of any such communities. 55+, as far as what i have seen and heard from those in these communities, offer no real support services, other than social support and perhaps some transportation. there are no congregate meals, no medical monitoring, certainly no adl support. what those i'm familiar with in delaware and maryland offer/market are a clubhouse/pool. a calendar of activities, a communitiy where no young children are allowed, and an opportunity for social networking.
i do feel many like to keep a "closed" house, as in the local area here, the two 55+ communities have not been receptive to providing information on the life long learning courses offered at the nearest college. they have been reluctant to accept catalogues to be placed in their clubhouse, and often have not been available for even a fifteen minute introductory meeting. conversely, the local ccrcs in the area have had us do presentations for their residents, and have been enthusiastic about those programs we offer that might interest their residents.
while i have never found over 55 communities appealing-too many rules especialy regarding housing/yards, too much in-fighting on coucils and boards, and, from my perception, too much contrived socialization - i do not regard them, at least in their present form, as a precursor to assisted living.
catsy girl
Grand Harbor in Vero Beach FL is a very affluent community of several thousand acres, offering their own senior community with 24 hour care assisted living facility, as well as assistance for people who do not live in the facility buildings but in their own home. All they have to do is press a button and the nursing staff et all come running. The food is as good as any restaurant and all one has to do is call the chef and something will be prepared for you and delivered at any time. Alternatively, eat in the dining rooms/clubs. the menus are custom and change daily. There are hair salons, nail people, masseuse etc. Marinas housing boats from Boston Whaler size to yachts on the inlet to the Intracoastal. Golf courses and putting greens, driving ranges, and golf carts for transit, several clubhouses 32,000 sq ft (for example) several chefs, pools, jogging, beach and biking, tennis center, dog parks. Just one side of the community is 4 miles in length. Need to go somewhere? Call the concierge and order the car and driver. EVERYTHING you need can be arranged from medical support keeping track of a person's meds, OT, PT, RNs, dietitians, every permutation of caregiver or companion you could want (for people who need it), networking for services, keeping track of your appointments, business services, housekeeping, to dog walkers and pet care. 24 hours per day, 365 days per year.
LOL you condescending anti 55+ people have no idea what you're missing. Do us all a favor and don't come down. Go stay at the Vero Beach Disney Resort, that can't hold a candle to Grand Harbor. Kthx.
Last edited by runswithscissors; 09-26-2013 at 06:44 PM..
I have no dog in this fight, but the militant defense of the 55+ concept by Runswithscissors caught my eye. (Nothing wrong with being militant in defense of something you believe in). But first let's admit that people can change their minds, so I cannot fault the OP for doing so. It is very hard to fault someone's reaction to the general atmosphere of a place, although Runswithscissors doesn't hesitate. That's something which is very personal, sort of like a preference for heat or cold, climate-wise; if a person states that preference, it is simply unarguable.
The impressive list of services in the community where Runswithscissors lives is, well, impressive, and it's easy to see how many or most of those services would be helpful and appreciated as people start to get up in years a bit (however that is defined). We get what we pay for, of course, and all those wonderful services have to be paid for. For those who can afford them, what a great thing, but I'm sure many 55+ communities offer less, for the good reason of trying to be affordable to a different subset of retirees.
It's interesting how certain discussions hit a sensitive nerve. This thread certainly has.
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Are you kiddin' me?! My knees don't work, not my brain!!!
Take care all!
