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An executor can basically do what they want and get away with it. Choose your executor wisely. We made our three children co-executors.They will have to work together to get anything. If not, that is their problem.
Really bad idea, I've seen this not end well. If one kid wants to be a jerk the others are held hostage and suffer the consequences both monetarily and emotionally. After the estate is settled the kids have no relationship with each other.
I am the designated executor for my mothers estate (maybe $400K) with half the value in a house. There are six siblings that each get an equal share but the problem is that she has allowed one to live in the house with her and he has no economic resources and I fear we will have a family squatter to deal with. I have no idea (or desire) how to handle the situation or what reasonable options would be.
Anyone seen or solved this kind of problem?
Similar but very different here. House is in trust, sis has no money, so lives with elderly Dad and takes care of him. Four kids, house split evenly. The other three have decided she can have the whole house for being such a saint. Hopefully, it'll play out that way when the day comes, but I don't anticipate any problems.
I am the designated executor for my mothers estate (maybe $400K) with half the value in a house. There are six siblings that each get an equal share but the problem is that she has allowed one to live in the house with her and he has no economic resources and I fear we will have a family squatter to deal with. I have no idea (or desire) how to handle the situation or what reasonable options would be.
Anyone seen or solved this kind of problem?
Your mother solves the problem now.
Wills the home to the one living in the home.
Says person has life estate in home as long as they live in home, pay all bills and maintain the property. Probably will not have a good ending for the family.
Sell home and move to an apartment.
My parents did that too. My older, likeable, honest, hard working brother passed away after my dad, but shortly before my mother. He was 51 and died unexpectedly.
That left me, and my druggie, worthless, never worked more than 5 years total in his whole life brother as co-executors.
And 11 beneficiaries--my aunt, all my mom's grand kids, me and brother. All wanting money.
We sold my mom's house at a $80k loss because of needing his signature on everything. Can not exactly evict him when he is co-trustee on the trust and executor on the will. Could have if I was not in need of his signature on everything! He was mooching off mom and living in her house when she passed away. He would not let people in to see the house when it was listed if he 'did not like them' and he did not let ANYONE see the den, master bedroom or master bath as 'he was living in them'. So we took a low ball offer just to sell it from someone who was going to rip it up and redo everything new. They did not care what it looked like, and knew the situation. And I was desperate to sell it as the liability insurance was non-renew with him on everything--he was in prison a few times for assaulting folks so he was not insurable. And I was afraid of a lawsuit with him entertaining bimbos in the bedroom and letting their kids run free, unsupervised, in the backyard with a pool. I was very afraid that a toddler would drown in the pool, and maybe the kid has a dad that cares--the mother obviously did not--and the dad would sue the trust/estate.
Each of the rental properties my mom had, I had to beg and beg to get my brother to sign the paperwork at each stage. He did nothing to help, constantly demanded money, and was VERY difficult and time consuming for me.
He argues that mom was gone, and the estate will not pay her bills like the medical bills, taxes, credit cards, pretty much anything--only the utilities he was enjoying. He did not want to pay closing costs on the properties, even though we signed the listing agreement with commission, etc. and each other document along the way.
He wants his full percent, but without paying any of the bills, or at least none of them coming out of his 'share'. Getting him to accept that his share is a share based on the money left after the bills are paid is not going to happen. I ended up paying for these things with him threatening me for wasting the trust/estate money.
IF he is sober enough, before the status of limitation runs out, at the end of this mess I fully expect him to sure me for paying these bills he objected to. And he will loose, but I will have to pay for the attorney anyway. He already said he will wait until everything is closed then sue just to waste my money on attorneys. I kept very good records! Including the original bills and the cancelled check for each bill.
I still have the stocks and bonds to split to settle the trust. Can not get him to sign the paperwork with the financial manager. And I dread having to deal with him that yes, state and federal taxes will be taken out...of the gross amount then he gets his percent.
PLEASE DO NOT PUT YOUR KIDS THROUGH THIS. Choose the responsible one, require that he/she get bonded, require monthly financial reports to the other children, set up an intermediator to settle their disputes, if any. But do not let the worst kids pull everyone else down.
Or, put each child in charge of part--X cleans out the house, Y sells the house, C deals with bank accounts and bills, whatever.
You are setting up your most responsible child for a lot of grief!
My parents knew that little bro would be a problem, but they also thought that me and big bro could control him. With only me left--WOW--it is a lot of effort with no extra anything (except grief and getting cussed out).
Yes co executors etc can be a problem.
Yes it is not necessarily best to have a family member handle the estate if their maybe fighting as it can affect the relationships for the rest of their life.
If their are going to be problems hire a professional executor.
That's your opinion, but it was your parents decision and their money. They knew about your brother and did that anyway. It was their right, just like they could have donated the entire estate to the Save the Pigeons fund. My wife's parents did that and we had to find a way to work with her sister and husband. It wasn't ideal and we may have lost money on the deal but that is what is considered compromise. A few years later we no longer talked but the estate did bring us together for a while, and we respected her parents wishes.
My Dad left everything to his second wife. She left it all to my half brother. I have no hard feelings. It wasn't my money or decision. You can't lose what you never had. If my kids can all work together, they can share the whole estate. If they can't work together and come to an agreement it is their loss.
It sounds like your brother is screwing you the best he can, but it also sounds like a sizeable estate and you are going to reap the rewards. You are haveing to work for it. It must be worth it or you would have walked away.
Quote:
Originally Posted by lae60
BAD< BAD< BAAAAAD IDEA!!!
My parents did that too. My older, likeable, honest, hard working brother passed away after my dad, but shortly before my mother. He was 51 and died unexpectedly.
That left me, and my druggie, worthless, never worked more than 5 years total in his whole life brother as co-executors.
And 11 beneficiaries--my aunt, all my mom's grand kids, me and brother. All wanting money.
We sold my mom's house at a $80k loss because of needing his signature on everything. Can not exactly evict him when he is co-trustee on the trust and executor on the will. Could have if I was not in need of his signature on everything! He was mooching off mom and living in her house when she passed away. He would not let people in to see the house when it was listed if he 'did not like them' and he did not let ANYONE see the den, master bedroom or master bath as 'he was living in them'. So we took a low ball offer just to sell it from someone who was going to rip it up and redo everything new. They did not care what it looked like, and knew the situation. And I was desperate to sell it as the liability insurance was non-renew with him on everything--he was in prison a few times for assaulting folks so he was not insurable. And I was afraid of a lawsuit with him entertaining bimbos in the bedroom and letting their kids run free, unsupervised, in the backyard with a pool. I was very afraid that a toddler would drown in the pool, and maybe the kid has a dad that cares--the mother obviously did not--and the dad would sue the trust/estate.
Each of the rental properties my mom had, I had to beg and beg to get my brother to sign the paperwork at each stage. He did nothing to help, constantly demanded money, and was VERY difficult and time consuming for me.
He argues that mom was gone, and the estate will not pay her bills like the medical bills, taxes, credit cards, pretty much anything--only the utilities he was enjoying. He did not want to pay closing costs on the properties, even though we signed the listing agreement with commission, etc. and each other document along the way.
He wants his full percent, but without paying any of the bills, or at least none of them coming out of his 'share'. Getting him to accept that his share is a share based on the money left after the bills are paid is not going to happen. I ended up paying for these things with him threatening me for wasting the trust/estate money.
IF he is sober enough, before the status of limitation runs out, at the end of this mess I fully expect him to sure me for paying these bills he objected to. And he will loose, but I will have to pay for the attorney anyway. He already said he will wait until everything is closed then sue just to waste my money on attorneys. I kept very good records! Including the original bills and the cancelled check for each bill.
I still have the stocks and bonds to split to settle the trust. Can not get him to sign the paperwork with the financial manager. And I dread having to deal with him that yes, state and federal taxes will be taken out...of the gross amount then he gets his percent.
PLEASE DO NOT PUT YOUR KIDS THROUGH THIS. Choose the responsible one, require that he/she get bonded, require monthly financial reports to the other children, set up an intermediator to settle their disputes, if any. But do not let the worst kids pull everyone else down.
Or, put each child in charge of part--X cleans out the house, Y sells the house, C deals with bank accounts and bills, whatever.
You are setting up your most responsible child for a lot of grief!
My parents knew that little bro would be a problem, but they also thought that me and big bro could control him. With only me left--WOW--it is a lot of effort with no extra anything (except grief and getting cussed out).
Similar but very different here. House is in trust, sis has no money, so lives with elderly Dad and takes care of him. Four kids, house split evenly. The other three have decided she can have the whole house for being such a saint. Hopefully, it'll play out that way when the day comes, but I don't anticipate any problems.
I think you are saying that the trust leaves the house to all 4 kids. Might want your father to change the trust to leaving the house to only the one sister. If you are an owner of the house you would have liability for someone getting hurt on the property, city zoning laws, utilities, taxes etc.
An alternative would be a life estate to the sister, with her paying all bills, and if she moves or does not pay bills house is sold and money divided.
That's your opinion, but it was your parents decision and their money. They knew about your brother and did that anyway. It was their right, just like they could have donated the entire estate to the Save the Pigeons fund. My wife's parents did that and we had to find a way to work with her sister and husband. It wasn't ideal and we may have lost money on the deal but that is what is considered compromise. A few years later we no longer talked but the estate did bring us together for a while, and we respected her parents wishes.
My Dad left everything to his second wife. She left it all to my half brother. I have no hard feelings. It wasn't my money or decision. You can't lose what you never had. If my kids can all work together, they can share the whole estate. If they can't work together and come to an agreement it is their loss.
It sounds like your brother is screwing you the best he can, but it also sounds like a sizeable estate and you are going to reap the rewards. You are haveing to work for it. It must be worth it or you would have walked away.
I respect that it was my parents decision and their money, but they had planned it differently. Actually they thought that my older brother would control the younger brother. He was pretty good at bribing him all his life. Little brother took out his anger at life on me since we were very young. He has always been jealous of me. During most of his adult life little bro also lived in another state and did not inter act much with anyone. Just after dad passed away, little bro came and started leaching off mom. So he was back in the picture. Dad would have never expected this when he did the trust.
And more recently mom thought that brother was finally rehabbed and off drugs. But she was only up during the day and he slept then and he was up during the night. So she did not know.
No amount of money is worth having my 13 year old daughter assaulted, or any of the other things that has happened.
I did not do anything because of the money. I have worked and earned my own money and have enough of my own. My share of the money was used to buy a small home for my handicapped adult daughter, instead of her renting. I was going to do that after I retired and sold my California house, but mom's money let me do it a year earlier. And I gave most of the rest to my elderly aunt who helped me clean out mom's things, and helped me talk with my brother when he was too violent for me to be with alone or with my kids. (I am single, never married, kids adopted....so no male figure that bro may respect more than a sister who he has been jealous of since childhood.)
I did the 'job' only because I told my parents I would. Even if my older brother was alive, I would have handled the money part as that was not his thing. And I have handled my mom's money for years. BUT if older brother were alive, he would have cleaned out the home, two rentals, fixed anything that needed fixing, etc. He also would have told little brother to go away and wait for the money to be deposited in his account, and little bro would have listened to big bro.
Oh, and it was a sizable estate, but split 11 ways, and since I am not 'needy' I did not get the big share. And that is fine with me as I really do not need it. And if there is a lawsuit, I will come out in the hole, especially since I used my share with my daughter and aunt.
And no, I do not regret it. But if mom and dad could come back and redo the ending of their life, and asked me about it, I would tell them it was not a good idea and they would definitely not have left the trust and their wills the way they were. They would never have tried to set me up for what I went through. They tried their best to make things easy.
Just no one thought what a jerk little bro would be. Had they known he would have gotten $100 and a boot.
And I respect that if you want to leave your kids a mess, that is your right. Some people use these boards to learn from others and try to do things better, some not. And I respect you can do what you want---its your stuff, and your family.
I have 4 kids, and I love them enough that they will not go through this process with co-anything. Its hard enough to grieve loosing a parent without dealing with a non-functioning sibling.
Sorry you had to go through all this. I don't think your brother will sue you, he has no grounds and would have to pay a lawyer up front which from your description I can't see him doing. Hopefully now you won't have to deal with him in the future. I know from my own experience that each child thinks they are the best (likely even your brother does) and parents are often unwilling to play favorites when it comes to a will. They like to hope each child will get an equal opportunity to do well in the future even when their children and facts are arguing the contrary. Most parents will try to give each child an equal share, regardless of how the child has behaved or is likely to behave to their siblings. Probably parental guilt to some extent, and not wanting to disinherit any of their children.
Quote:
Originally Posted by lae60
I respect that it was my parents decision and their money, but they had planned it differently. Actually they thought that my older brother would control the younger brother. He was pretty good at bribing him all his life. Little brother took out his anger at life on me since we were very young. He has always been jealous of me. During most of his adult life little bro also lived in another state and did not inter act much with anyone. Just after dad passed away, little bro came and started leaching off mom. So he was back in the picture. Dad would have never expected this when he did the trust.
And more recently mom thought that brother was finally rehabbed and off drugs. But she was only up during the day and he slept then and he was up during the night. So she did not know.
No amount of money is worth having my 13 year old daughter assaulted, or any of the other things that has happened.
I did not do anything because of the money. I have worked and earned my own money and have enough of my own. My share of the money was used to buy a small home for my handicapped adult daughter, instead of her renting. I was going to do that after I retired and sold my California house, but mom's money let me do it a year earlier. And I gave most of the rest to my elderly aunt who helped me clean out mom's things, and helped me talk with my brother when he was too violent for me to be with alone or with my kids. (I am single, never married, kids adopted....so no male figure that bro may respect more than a sister who he has been jealous of since childhood.)
I did the 'job' only because I told my parents I would. Even if my older brother was alive, I would have handled the money part as that was not his thing. And I have handled my mom's money for years. BUT if older brother were alive, he would have cleaned out the home, two rentals, fixed anything that needed fixing, etc. He also would have told little brother to go away and wait for the money to be deposited in his account, and little bro would have listened to big bro.
Oh, and it was a sizable estate, but split 11 ways, and since I am not 'needy' I did not get the big share. And that is fine with me as I really do not need it. And if there is a lawsuit, I will come out in the hole, especially since I used my share with my daughter and aunt.
And no, I do not regret it. But if mom and dad could come back and redo the ending of their life, and asked me about it, I would tell them it was not a good idea and they would definitely not have left the trust and their wills the way they were. They would never have tried to set me up for what I went through. They tried their best to make things easy.
Just no one thought what a jerk little bro would be. Had they known he would have gotten $100 and a boot.
And I respect that if you want to leave your kids a mess, that is your right. Some people use these boards to learn from others and try to do things better, some not. And I respect you can do what you want---its your stuff, and your family.
I have 4 kids, and I love them enough that they will not go through this process with co-anything. Its hard enough to grieve loosing a parent without dealing with a non-functioning sibling.
An executor can basically do what they want and get away with it. Choose your executor wisely. We made our three children co-executors.They will have to work together to get anything. If not, that is their problem.
This sounds like you think you can accomplish in death what you could not in life.
Fluffythewondercat,
Probably. I just think at some point your kids have to fend for themselves, make their own choices and live with the consequences. An estate is a pretty big carrot and a pretty big stick. If that doesn't get their attention, nothing will. People who trust someone to do the right thing as a sole executor forget that money brings out the worst in many people. And the laws are written in such a way that a sole executor can pretty much disregard your wishes and raid or diminish an estate, without consequences. You may think your possessions are valuable but an executor may just sell them for a fast buck, or pay someone to dispose of them, take assets from the heirs that weren't enumerated in the will, etc.
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