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I didn't have any kids so it's a slam dunk that I have no grands. Do I miss it? No, not really. You can't miss what you never had. Although I freely admit my life is probably more solitary than those with grands and extended family near by.
Children love me and I find them cute but never felt the urge to take one home with me. Babysitting when I was young showed me I didn't like children as much as one should to be able to dedicate your life to raising them! And I was always glad to see them and glad to see them go!
I am definitely not the type who sees retirement as 24x7 babysitting bliss! And I feel sorry for those older folks who do nothing but childcare for their kids!
Currently I'm relieved. My son is 22, working part time, married last March, wife 21. She has a semester of Jr. college. He is starting Jr. college this fall. They are doing okay renting a room with their jobs, but there is a time to be fruitful and produce grandchildren, but lets at least have full time work. Thing is his religion does not believe in birth control, and one line of ancestors seems to have the first kid about a hundred years before a direct grandparent in the line. That puts it at 2016. They live in california and I am parked in OK so right now even traveling to visit is off the list.
i feel the same way about not having grandchildren as i did about not having children- fine, and that is was a good decision for me and my husband. both of us, early on ,decided that we weren't really interested in having children, for a variety of reasons, some having been discussed previously in this forum, and we never really regretted this decision. as we grew older we actually became more convinced it was the right decision for us.
children have never been an integral part of my life, when i was younger or now, and my life has, by choice and by temperament, gone in different directions. i never expected that anyone other than myself would be taking responsibility for planning my years as an aging adult, and i've made plans, adequately i hope, for my "old age".
as an only child, i took responsibility for initiating and coordinating my mother's care, although she had always wanted a great deal more from me. as a geriatric social worker i saw all kinds of situations and quasi solutions in regard to this issue, some that worked and many that had major problems. there is no golden plan and it is surprising sometimes what actually works out.
I'm happily surprised to see so many in this thread that have no regrets about having no kids. Not that long ago, people who chose to be childless were ridiculed. Just a couple of weeks ago, a lady I barely know unexpectedly lit into me about how unhappy I must be to not have kids and grandkids. Just out of the blue. We weren't even talking about kids or families. Just bam, she started telling me how sorry she felt for me.
Considering how she vomited up her rhetoric, I'm pretty sure she's the one to pity. To further confirm, she's on several antidepressants and one of her adult sons is nearly suicidal. He lives with her. Just heard a couple of days ago he's being hauled into court for DWI.
And she feels sorry for me.
lolol.
Yeah, kids. They're like a gift that keeps on taking. Glad I never had any. It's always amusing to see how people who have them feel the need to convince others how wonderful parent/grandparent hood is. Misery loves company?
The people I know who have grandchildren don't seem any happier than those of us who don't.
DH & I have two wonderful, loving sons. They're in their mid-30s with no children. We expect if any do appear, they're likely to be stepchildren. We're ok with whatever choice they make.
Besides, we'd make lousy babysitters and our 3-level home is the most un-child-friendly house in Texas.
Yeah, kids. They're like a gift that keeps on taking.
Yes, indeed. Unless very wealthy with enough money to smooth the way, in many cases, sadly, at least one of the bunch is a problem. Not true for my brother, sister and I - we didn't cause problems. But, one of my cousins was a serious financial drain, not to mention emotional stress, on his parents - who bailed him out of two divorces.
I, fortunately, had only one son - plenty 'nuf for me. He (47) and wife (43) have no kids and I hope there never are any. *crossing fingers*
In another life, I could have done quite well without children. I'm like many upthread - no real interest. Never cared for dolls and playing house when I was a kid, drove my stepmother nuts. Just not my nature.
I was an OK parent - but, looking back, realize there was much room for improvement. Don't miss grandkids - and, at this age, 72, sure don't want grandbabies. Son/dil live next door. I'd have to move, probably, if that happened.
Have another friend my age w/married daughter - no grandkids there, either, and she doesn't want any. Just not enough money and too many pyschological issues (on the father's side) in the genes it would just be breeding more of the same craziness, for her. Her kids (hyper daughter and disabled alcoholic son) are their father all over again - and she doesn't need more of that.
Yes, indeed. Unless very wealthy with enough money to smooth the way, in many cases, sadly, at least one of the bunch is a problem. Not true for my brother, sister and I - we didn't cause problems. But, one of my cousins was a serious financial drain, not to mention emotional stress, on his parents - who bailed him out of two divorces.
I, fortunately, had only one son - plenty 'nuf for me. He (47) and wife (43) have no kids and I hope there never are any. *crossing fingers*
In another life, I could have done quite well without children. I'm like many upthread - no real interest. Never cared for dolls and playing house when I was a kid, drove my stepmother nuts. Just not my nature.
I was an OK parent - but, looking back, realize there was much room for improvement. Don't miss grandkids - and, at this age, 72, sure don't want grandbabies. Son/dil live next door. I'd have to move, probably, if that happened.
Have another friend my age w/married daughter - no grandkids there, either, and she doesn't want any. Just not enough money and too many pyschological issues (on the father's side) in the genes it would just be breeding more of the same craziness, for her. Her kids (hyper daughter and disabled alcoholic son) are their father all over again - and she doesn't need more of that.
Ariadne, your post is like a breath of fresh air. Why do I say that? Because it goes against the grain of how we are "supposed" to think, and how the majority probably do think. Glad to see that being a grandparent is NOT a universal desire, although I don't think anything is wrong with those who do desire it, especially inasmuch as those grandchildren represent our hope of eternal life, that is, passing on our genes so that at least something of us will survive our own death.
I, too, have had the experience of watching my cousins on both sides of the family "breeding more of the same craziness". That doesn't mean most of my cousins' children are crazy, but all it takes is one to make one's life a living hell.
Even if we assume that only one out of ten children is going to have serious issues (and I have no idea what the real odds are), I don't like those chances at all.
Last edited by Escort Rider; 06-30-2014 at 04:18 PM..
Even if we assume that only one out of ten children are going to have serious issues (and I have no idea what the real odds are), I don't like those chances at all.
Heh - well, the other nine may make that one worth the price. But, who has ten kids these days? Only those who don't think clearly and shouldn't be having children, in my opinion. (or the very wealthy, like the Kennedys, when money can solve just about anything). One out of two can seriously damage a family and, if both are problems, then you gotta do a lot of praying and figure you're here to serve a higher purpose. I'm not that altruistic. I prefer to be realistic.
Last edited by Ariadne22; 06-30-2014 at 04:18 PM..
Childless and therefore grandchild-less. However, I would have LOVED to have had an adult child like me or DH! LOL>
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I'm not that altruistic. I prefer to be realistic.