Planning for the End (spouse, state, friends, relationship)
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While this may have been done before, I thought we might share ideas on what to leave behind upon our demise. I'll start.
First off, is the Letter. It's a letter to your spouse on what to to in the event of your demise. It would go over finances, accounts, who to talk to, etc., so your spouse isn't left in the dark. It applies more to the person in charge of finances, but can be written to express anyone's final wishes on how to divide up certain assets (not binding of course, that's what a Will is for).
One thing we've done is to put our kids on each of our bank accounts. They're basically payable upon death, so they'll avoid probate. As a side issue, when my mom died, my sisters duly informed the bank (they were signers), and the accounts were frozen. In retrospect, they should have done this last to pay remaining bills and accept deposits. It caused some difficulties and delays.
Review your Wills and update if necessary. Everybody should do this regardless of age. Along these lines, you may want a health care directive.
Make sure your spouse has credit cards in their name. Cards will be canceled upon your demise. Your spouse should have some in her name so she won't be cut off from credit.
Make sure vehicle registrations are in both names. I have no idea if there would be any problems if they were registered to only one.
To those with estranged family members, you might want to think about writing a final letter to them. There's no guarantee they'll read them, but at least you've said your peace. You can do the same with those not estranged.
If you really want to be prepared, you might visit long term care facilities to find one that meets your needs. Of course, they do change so this might be an exercise in futility.
This is all I can think of off the top of my head. We can add others as we think of them or go into detail on what should be included in any of the above.
I've been planning for the end all my life, lol. I've already identified my nursing home, a homey old place in a tiny arts village at the foot of the Berkshires. I've done all my paperwork (will, etc) and have a 3-ring notebook in the safe with all needed documents and detailed instructions that will make my family's heads spin. I have my obit and photo on disk ready to get delivered to the newspapers. I have the backs of my framed artwork labeled as to who gets what. I have my healthcare directive and DPA. I haven't yet stamped "DNR" on my chest, but when I do that, I can sit back and roll with the daily happy hours.
P.S. When I first saw this new thread, before I opened it, I thought it was about the end of the world, a "SHTF" scenario. I must be reading too much about government affairs these days.
Also add for plan B and perhaps even a plan C. My Mother was not able to do plan A that she had expressed. But she left no other instructions as to alternate plans.
Include every item or detail. Someone must dispose of every single little item.
Include a complete list of known and valued contacts so that family can properly thank them or include them.
Include a complete list of known and valued contacts so that family can properly thank them or include them.
Excellent idea. We had to hunt and peck for my mother's friends' addresses as we could not find her address book. When we did, many had moved from those addresses or died.
I also have, in the safe, a list of the charge accounts (and their numbers) that are still active – Home Depot, Sears, credit card – and those that are definitely closed. I tend to close accounts as soon as I pay them off, so they don't stay active in the event of my demise.
I only recently learned that there is a DPA for finances and one for health and daily affairs. The named person can be one and the same, or different ones.
Being a veteran, I already completed the paperwork for burial at a State Veterans cemetery.
Although the wife and I are not sure if we want that vs our church's cemetery closer by, we have the verification letter from the veterans cemetery on file if we do decide to be buried there.
My mom even had her funeral planned and payed for. She wanted to be cremated and had bought the niche next to my dad's. She even her her urn picked out.
I just signed up with the Neptune Society and paid it in full a couple of weeks ago. One less thing for those coming behind to take care of, and one less decision to make.
My mother had already purchased her burial plot - just one detail of the funeral arrangements, but that one detail made it that much easier for my sister and me.
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