Marrying for the second time after age 50 (spouses, state, friend)
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Remarriage after 50 is a greater burden for women because most are younger than their spouse and will be the caretaker in the majority of situations. Yeah his kids will worry about losing their "inheritance" but many are hard to find when Dad needs help when he gets sick.
Women deserve to inherit for their support. Pretty sure Florida law says 2nd spouse is entitled to 1/3 even if they are left out of the will. (I am a first wife lol).
Guilty! Alas, my wife is younger than I am, a whole two years. But take heart. I carefully prepped all my children to expect no inheritance whatsoever. I told them I in tended to spend every penny and enjoy doing so. Besides, if I go first my wife get's everything. If she goes first I get everything and like mine, her children will just have to wait to see if there's anything left. If so, they all get to split it evenly. If not, oh well! I hope they enjoy those hamburgers and fries on us.
When you lose your assets and you are still in your working years, you have time to make it up. Not so when you are over 50 (and often well over 50).
If you think it's an admirable gesture to exhaust your own resources caring for a spouse who wasn't there during the years you earned it - at the expense of your own ability to survive (housing, food, medical care) in your old age, by all means go for it.
I believe others are more practical and can see the separation between love/devotion and the law.
A friend of mine (aged late 50s) was seeing a man for several years who had a great deal of money, a successful business and a professorship and was 15 years older. She had debt, two kids and an abusive ex. When the kids finally left home (one of his conditions for living together) she said she wouldn't move in unless they were married. (One of those "We practically live together but I keep my crummy apartment.") He wouldn't marry without a pre-nup. She said to me, "It just seems it would be more romantic to just put things together." Right, his tremendous assets and her nuthin'.
They did prepare a pre-nup, he separated business and personal finance (something he should have done anyway). I did suggest to her that, after his not wanting to marry for so many years, she should be protected in case he bailed out, which she says is in place. They've been married three years and seem to be doing fine, living well and she is going to retire at 61 and he might be selling the business at 78. I do wonder if she'd be with him if he, say, worked as a custodian or something. I guess you take a person as a whole package and can't separate things out.
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My grandfather remarried after my grandmother died and less than two years into the marriage, was shocked to come home and find his wife and her friends and family had completely emptied his home of every item they could carry off. . .
Wow! This is enough to keep me from every getting re-married. I'll just get a dog instead.
A friend of mine (aged late 50s) was seeing a man for several years who had a great deal of money, a successful business and a professorship and was 15 years older. She had debt, two kids and an abusive ex. When the kids finally left home (one of his conditions for living together) she said she wouldn't move in unless they were married. (One of those "We practically live together but I keep my crummy apartment.") He wouldn't marry without a pre-nup. She said to me, "It just seems it would be more romantic to just put things together." Right, his tremendous assets and her nuthin'.
They did prepare a pre-nup, he separated business and personal finance (something he should have done anyway). I did suggest to her that, after his not wanting to marry for so many years, she should be protected in case he bailed out, which she says is in place. They've been married three years and seem to be doing fine, living well and she is going to retire at 61 and he might be selling the business at 78. I do wonder if she'd be with him if he, say, worked as a custodian or something. I guess you take a person as a whole package and can't separate things out.
It all depends on what is one's primary need . . . and for most of us, security is our primary need after a certain age.
Who was it who said . . . "it is as easy to fall in love with a rich man as a poor man." Yeppers. So why choose a situation that is going to mean continued struggling when you can choose one that means an easier life?
Not saying that is how everyone does it or even should do it . . . just saying - this is one of the criteria many people use when deciding about longterm relationships.
Does anyone remember love and commitment? I remarried at 46, my husband's first marriage, he was 51. We had been together 8 years at that time. I think there comes a time when you decide whether or not you are going to go "all in" (poker players know what I mean). That's what later-in-life marriage means. You know that you love each other, warts and all. You know that you are in this for the long haul. It's more about forming a partnership than gooey, "love is blind" young marriages. If you have significant assets, a pre-nup is possibly in order. I think you need to really know the other person. Seriously, years of knowing that person, to know that they are trustworthy and won't steal your stuff one night. I couldn't be with a person who I wouldn't trust to evenly divide the assets because of his own internal sense of fairness. If you don't know that about your partner, don't marry them. I agree the asset spend-down necessary for nursing home care on medicare is onerous, but we married for better or worse and we will work that out if the time comes. We are partners to the end.
I do wonder if she'd be with him if he, say, worked as a custodian or something.
I guess you take a person as a whole package and can't separate things out.
I'm willing to bet that if you interviewed every person after their divorce was final, you'd find the majority stating that they never saw it happening to them. They trusted their partner, they got to know them very well and were shocked that theirs was a marriage that ended.
I'm wiliing to bet you'd also find a good number wishing they'd handled their finances differently up front.
I'm willing to bet the previous poster is right. Not to be suspicious of everyone forever, but no one gets married at any age expecting some of the terrible behavior that we read about (or some people unfortunately experienced).
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