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believing that you............"can still go home again "
Upon retirement ,the wife and I achieved our goal of selling our dairy farm to our son and re-locating 875 miles south for a much milder 4 season retirement .
With the wife's condition deteriorating fast ( ALS ) we were not able to return to visit. However, kids and grandkids took many tips down.
With the wife dying Thanksgiving morning, I brought her ashes home for wake, funeral mass, and burial.
"You can never go home again "................so much had changed in those 2 years we were gone !
The dairy farm is still going strong............( more cows than ever ) but it is not the same as it was when I had it.
A couple older buildings removed.........some beautifull older tres lost in a storm last year.........house totally different..........some neighbors health had deteriorated sharply,,,,,,,,,,
However, in a sense ( regarding the farm) I am glad of changes. My son ,his wife, and 2 little girls now own it and the fact everything changed so much tells me they have " taken ownership" and are doing it the way they want.
I guess if everything was the same, it would mean in their minds it still was " dad's farm"
Now, I do believe in..........." you can never go home again"
A year ago I thought things would be the same.
Last year I moved back home after a year away due to missing family and friends and the job out of state being rather ho-hum. Now I too believe that you can never "go home again," whether that's based on a death or because you wanted to move. Times, people, and circumstances change, and most people have justifiable reasons why we move away in the first place.
After roughly a year back home, some of the people I came back for have themselves moved away, some are dead, and some have had changes in their lives that make the past no longer possible. 2013 was very unstable, and even though I've lived in this place most of my life, I feel more out of sorts after "moving home" than ever before. Now that I'm back "home," I am dealing with all the issues I ran away from again (crime, poverty, lack of opportunity), have none of the good things about where I moved to in Iowa (lack of crime, wealthier, more opportunity than anyone knows what to do with), and have added additional problems. Once you live some place, don't go back - you moved and there are reasons why.
As for things I've learned this year, the primary thing is "trust the data." I'm a data fiend and can tell you facts and figures about all kinds of things. Trust the documented, numerical data when making decisions - they are wholly more accurate than "going on your gut" or making a choice emotionally. When any decision is made emotionally, it's bound to be a blunder.
This may not be the place to discuss it, but I'm so intrigued by your post. What are some of the traits to be wary of, if I may digress dear moderator? I also always wondered what "baggage" is in terms of dating. Don't we all have that? Are any of us free from problems?
I was wondering exactly the same thing. As we age, we all have "baggage" because we all have kids and have been through experiences. If at midlife I'll meet someone my age or older who's never been married, didn't have any baggage of any kind I'll run like hell. Where's this person been?
Now on topic (and somewhat related with previous digression): weed out quicker people I'm incompatible with (when dating), complicate my life, miss opportunities to be with friends, deprive myself of sleep or find excuses for not going to the gym.
As for the imposibility of going back: I'm an immigrant in this country, having come here 20 years ago, but I do visit my folks and friends over in Europe. For me a come back home is always possible, although my home place has changed. The changes are good though.
Last year was so effed up I wouldn't know where to start.
Found out at the closing on Mom's duplex our realtor had no license. Will be thoroughly vetting a realtor when/if we sell.
Been to the doc three times, have sinusitis since last July. Next time save the $500 and research with the internet.
DH ran over his leg on a tractor. Neither of us can hear each other screaming from the house to the barn. We are both very careful when we go out, don't try to carry too much lest we fall, constantly check on each other if one is in the house and the other in the barn. His BFF has walkie talkies he is going to give us if he remembers.
DH got FBI malware, took it to Staples, $170.00. Worried that my laptop was at risk, I bought an exact duplicate model and transferred all files and settings so if one crashed my life would still go on. Laptop was acting wonky, contacted the ebayer I bought it off of, mailed him my machine, returned to me healed. $65, paid him with PayPal. DH gets FBI again, mailed the guy his tower, returned perfect, better than Staples half azzed repair. $77.
He's in Stormville NY if anyone needs a really good geek I can send his info.
The one mistake I made over and over again in 2013 that I will not make this year would be helping those who cannot help themselves. Now I am not talking about the less fortunate or the homeless, I am talking about people who have jobs, can pay their bills and be responsible but refuse too.
Last year I had a family member who had a great job, was making more money in a year than what I could ever imagine and hope to make! But yet the family member never paid the bills, always was out partying and which eventually lead to eviction and among other things, and now she's just couch surfing and throwing the whole "oh woes is me!" routine, blaming the world for her problems even though it was her own doing. In 2013 I spent night and day trying to help her, running myself ragged trying to help her when she wouldn't even give the time of day to reflect on her actions and help herself.
So this year, I am putting my foot down. And focusing on helping myself to heal and grow from my rough past. I have learned that sometimes you have to let those you love go in order for them to learn from their mistakes and mature.
Well, this has nothing to do with age or retirement but the part of the year I most look forward to (Fall foliage time), I seem to have missed in 2013. I went out with my camera when the leaves hadn't yet turned, when the leaves just started to turn and post peak. I think it must have only lasted a week. I still don't know how I missed it.
I will stop wishing for what was, I will live in the what is and relish the memories of what was, I will get busy planning what's next. I spent a good part of 2013 trying to keep the status quo and in hindsight I was stopping change from happening. Now it's bring it on!
Yep, bring it on. DH is in so much pain he's been in bed all week. The yard is a sheet of ice. It's 10F outside. WTH are we doing here? Hurry up and buy that house in Jupiter, Mom. I am so done with this winter and it's just started.
Yep, bring it on. DH is in so much pain he's been in bed all week. The yard is a sheet of ice. It's 10F outside. WTH are we doing here? Hurry up and buy that house in Jupiter, Mom. I am so done with this winter and it's just started.
I'm in bed with a sore throat and heavy chest. It's brilliantly sunny and freezing out there. Yesterday I looked like a malfunctioning robot picking my way slowly over the sheet of ice in our driveway, sprinkling the last of our sand. Just now I found myself on Google Images of Florida. Can I join you?
Fortunately, other then typical life issues I did not need to make any major decisions in 2013 so I made no major mistakes. I hope the same for me and for all others in 2014.
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Don't we all have that? Are any of us free from problems?
I went out with my camera when the leaves hadn't yet turned, when the leaves just started to turn and post peak. I think it must have only lasted a week. I still don't know how I missed it. 
