Losing track of old friends & not making many new ones (move, friendly)
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Over the years, we moved several times and each time started over making new friends and getting re-established in the community. While there have always been Christmas cards (and now Facebook for those who are really into that), we have gradually lost our connection with old friends.
Early on, making new friends and getting re-established was easier than now. But, then, we always had kids, jobs, sports, community, etc. in common. Since we moved in 2011 to be nearer to kids/grandkids (after 27-years in our last location), we've found that making new friends and getting re-established is a lot more difficult. The problem is partly ours because we honestly haven't worked as hard at it, as we used to. Similarly, others our age are already established with their own groups and aren't really looking to 'date' new folks.
Anybody else finding yourself in this situation? What are you doing about it?
Oh, yes. I still do what I can but I am not making friends. People are friendly but have family obligations (me too) and are very set in their ways. I still love to camp (age 71) but most people my age are in RVs. DH and I continue to do "our thing" but my friends are my old ones who I write and telephone but never visit. The old friends are also set in their ways.....just like us. I am content as long as I stay busy. We have had to change churches with each move and I find the church groups are the most "closed". We have moved eight or nine times around the country. My sisters say they also have trouble making friends now that they have retired and moved.
We are joining a YMCA (and seniors group) this week and we hope we meet a few nice friendly people.
My wife and I moved about the country many times which meant we had to make new friends as we went. Most of these new friends came about as a result of work or shared interests (primarily golf). As you are retired, work is out. Go for the shared interests even if you are the new guy in the group/club. It might even be something you never did before but you have an interest in it. Do not make it something difficult/expensive like taking golf up at age 60 but something simpler to learn and fit in at. Maybe something you can do as a couple. Like Square Dancing lessons.......LOL
Where I am right now I have the most friends I've had in some years. Not plenty, but enough. Two are close friends, the others are casual but good. Will not want to move in good part because of this; I know just how hard it is to start over as we've lived in the Midwest twice but then we met people through work and our kids' events. Now retired we don't have those vehicles and church would be one of the last places I'd seek friendship though I suppose it could happen. I'm trying to forge a friendship with someone I met at yoga, hoping for the best.
OP, since I did not relocate after retirement, technically I should not even be responding here. But I just wanted to express my sympathy for and understanding of your problem. That is, when I try to imagine myself in your shoes, I realize that I, too, would be having a hard time in the same way. I would need to make huge efforts, and results would not be guaranteed. I have a small (but for me adequate) number of good friends and also volunteer activities that involve pleasant and rewarding human interactions. The good friends date mostly from graduate school days!
Yes, harder at our age. I am approaching 70, and please don't ask from which direction.
I guess I am different than most folks.
We ( wife and I ) moved 870 mile away in retirement for a.........lower cost of living, milder 4 season climate, and beautiful scenery. We knew no one here.
Shortly after relocating she went downhill fast due to ALS and neither of us were able to leave the house and make friend.
Now that she has passed, I really couldn't care less if I make friends or not.
I still have our beautiful house, scenic back yard...........birds, squirrels, deer.....enjoy the wooded scenery and lovely climate.
For some, making friends is so important. To me it isn't.
I have season tickets to Arkansas State Football and Lady Basketball and enjoy driving the 70 miles alone to take in the games.
I still have the kids and grandkids up north that I go to visit and they visit me.
I could never be a hermit/recluse living in the wild and giving up all modern conveniences.
Being one with modern convenience isn't bad at all.
Over the years, we moved several times and each time started over making new friends and getting re-established in the community. While there have always been Christmas cards (and now Facebook for those who are really into that), we have gradually lost our connection with old friends.
Early on, making new friends and getting re-established was easier than now. But, then, we always had kids, jobs, sports, community, etc. in common. Since we moved in 2011 to be nearer to kids/grandkids (after 27-years in our last location), we've found that making new friends and getting re-established is a lot more difficult. The problem is partly ours because we honestly haven't worked as hard at it, as we used to. Similarly, others our age are already established with their own groups and aren't really looking to 'date' new folks.
Anybody else finding yourself in this situation? What are you doing about it?
op, me and my husband have always had this problem. Actually it was me. We didn't have kids and when my friends had kids things really changed. We ended up making friends with older people who's kids were a little older. We got a ski boat and had great times with friends we made. People come, people go. We make friends when we go on vacation but those are short lived. When we moved we became friends with the neighbors but since the wife wants to talk about the kids from beginning to end and the one daughter is a teenager with lots of drama our get togethers we can only enjoy it in small doses. The last time we went out the daughter called and said she was dying. Of course we left the restaurant and went home and thankfully it was just separation anxiety. No, seriously, they are very good and nice people. We are kind of where you are.
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In my area their are walking groups (if you are able)' discussion groups at the library.
And of course the senior center. The local nursing home can always use volunteers, so many older people have no one .
I think when I'm older I'll join a communal living area.
The concept of friendship has changed especially for younger people. People now equate a text with a phone call and facebook is as good as keeping in touch. I'm guilty of this myself. I rekindled an old relationship and she keeps calling me, always at inconvenient times, always launching into her own stuff, the last time her ten minute intro was all about shoveling snow which led to her back which led to other health issues. I get annoyed with her then I realize that this is what friendship is and it's my job to halt her, to interject, and get my own stuff in there. My attention span has grown short. I don't know if I'm up to starting fresh with a stranger. But every now and then a gem comes along, a sister of sorts, and there's no starting fresh, you just connect. Our real estate lady is like this. We grew up in connecting towns, we're similar in so many ways, and she keeps trying to sell me a house in her neighborhood which just might happen. But starting anew with a stranger, "Hello my name is ipoetry.." I don't think I can.
It's sounding like there is no 'magic' solution (not that I expected one); and we are not alone in this situation.
Actually, we've been heavily involved in ministry and the church over many years ... and are starting to re-engage there in our new area.
I guess the thing I'm mostly wrestling with is the "dating aspect" or starting over with new people (and they, us). By the same token, we've never had too much difficulty making new friends, but, at this age/state of life, there are fewer opportunities ... and it still requires a great deal of time and effort (on both parts).
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I'll join a communal living area.
