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Old 01-23-2014, 11:28 PM
 
18,852 posts, read 31,737,753 times
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Well, my SO filled one out the other day, it was quite a detailed document, regarding his wishes in case he is incapacitated. He wants nothing, no care at all, DNR orders, the document gets so detailed, about food and water, nutrition, hydration, he wants nothing.

I am listed on this document, and am also his medical POA, it was really difficult for me, to fill this out, because I just can't see me agreeing that he should not even have IV fluids, if he is sick, and just need hydration. Like if he gets the flu or something...

Do you have an Advanced Directive?
Do you think that it is really difficult for another person to carry out your wishes, even if they are different than their values?

US Living Will Registry: Advance Directive Forms
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Old 01-24-2014, 01:10 AM
 
10,819 posts, read 8,071,380 times
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Legally, advanced directives aren't worth much. DNR's even less so.

If your legal spouse and children understand, respect, and pledge to be vigilant to your wishes, then that's in your favor.
Seems to me there have been numerous threads here discussing this.
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Old 01-24-2014, 09:49 AM
 
4,649 posts, read 6,487,389 times
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For legal documents speak with an attorney because laws change and if a mistake is made it can do more harm than good.
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Old 01-24-2014, 09:52 AM
mlb
 
Location: North Monterey County
3,192 posts, read 2,860,347 times
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Good resource for legal documents is nolo.com

We filled out the Advanced Directives there - and carry them with us on long drive trips.

As well as update them yearly. You need to revisit them often as your medical needs may/do change.
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Old 01-24-2014, 10:10 AM
 
Location: Florida
19,827 posts, read 19,921,769 times
Reputation: 23239
Quote:
Originally Posted by jasper12 View Post
I just can't see me agreeing that he should not even have IV fluids, if he is sick, and just need hydration. Like if he gets the flu or something...

Do you have an Advanced Directive?
Do you think that it is really difficult for another person to carry out your wishes, even if they are different than their values?

US Living Will Registry: Advance Directive Forms
Does he really mean he wants nothing if it's just a condition that is something like the flu?We do have them and they are a bit more specific, saying something like "If it is likely to leave me in a condition where I am unable to (fill in the blanks)
You should assume, though, that something like the flu will not leave him incapable of stating his own wishes.
They are for when the person cannot make any decisions so it may not be as dire as it looks to you.

We've had many discussions about this and yes, it will be very difficult even though there is no disagreement.
At this point, I am supposed to not even call for an ambulance. I won't know if I can do it until the time comes.
Actually, with Hospice, I am supposed to call them before an ambulance although you always have the option of doing it anyway. At that point, you've 'fired' them.

To be clearer, it's not a problem to call 911 for something like a fall or broken leg, etc.
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Old 01-24-2014, 10:19 AM
 
Location: Baltimore, MD
3,745 posts, read 4,221,259 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jasper12 View Post
Well, my SO filled one out the other day, it was quite a detailed document, regarding his wishes in case he is incapacitated. He wants nothing, no care at all, DNR orders, the document gets so detailed, about food and water, nutrition, hydration, he wants nothing.

I am listed on this document, and am also his medical POA, it was really difficult for me, to fill this out, because I just can't see me agreeing that he should not even have IV fluids, if he is sick, and just need hydration. Like if he gets the flu or something...

Do you have an Advanced Directive?
Do you think that it is really difficult for another person to carry out your wishes, even if they are different than their values?

US Living Will Registry: Advance Directive Forms
I have an advance directive and have appointed a medical POA.

Rule # 1: NEVER appoint anyone who cannot respect your wishes.
Rule # 2: It is preferable to appoint someone who is NOT your spouse or significant other.
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Old 01-24-2014, 11:50 AM
 
Location: We_tside PNW (Columbia Gorge) / CO / SA TX / Thailand
22,632 posts, read 39,998,659 times
Reputation: 23790
Quote:
Originally Posted by lenora View Post
I have an advance directive and have appointed a medical POA.

Rule # 1: NEVER appoint anyone who cannot respect your wishes.
Rule # 2: It is preferable to appoint someone who is NOT your spouse or significant other.
Do this ^^

I have had to make EoL decisions for 5 friends / family. It could have been so much ezr. Families and friends often are not able to carry out a rational care choice

If the 'patient' is considered cognizant when admitted, AND they change / confuse their wishes during a care / admission conference. The Advanced Directive will not applied, if it is refuted by patient (highly probable). DNR can be USELESS, and can also be very dangerous! (in the case of a minor heart attack / injury needing the 'R' part)

BE SURE you have an AD that is recognized within your state law. Some states have specific formats that MUST be adhered to, and others will not be recognized (i.e.... from adjacent state)

Talk through this stuff frequently. Better to KNOW than to GUESS.

It is really not hard to discuss / draft... much harder to implement.
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Old 01-24-2014, 04:38 PM
 
Location: Florida
19,827 posts, read 19,921,769 times
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Keep in mind the big difference in a DNR and other directives.
A DNR is only applicable after an event when the heart ceases to function.
The statistics show that the prognosis is poor for those that have other underlying conditions when it comes to quality of life if they do survive.
That might well be what some/many do not want to have be the result.
But, if a person was relatively healthy otherwise and had a heart attack, they could recover well enough to be glad the effort was made.
I do suggest tailoring your medical directive in an explicit enough manner so the ' ifs and buts' are covered.
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Old 01-24-2014, 06:03 PM
 
Location: SoCal desert
8,093 posts, read 13,240,703 times
Reputation: 14870
Quote:
Originally Posted by jasper12 View Post
Well, my SO filled one out the other day, it was quite a detailed document, regarding his wishes in case he is incapacitated. He wants nothing, no care at all, DNR orders, the document gets so detailed, about food and water, nutrition, hydration, he wants nothing.

I am listed on this document, and am also his medical POA, it was really difficult for me, to fill this out, because I just can't see me agreeing that he should not even have IV fluids, if he is sick, and just need hydration. Like if he gets the flu or something...

Do you have an Advanced Directive?
Do you think that it is really difficult for another person to carry out your wishes, even if they are different than their values?
My Mom had one like your SO's. Had it for years and updated it regularly. The only thing she OK'd was drugs, for comfort only.

Her doctors had copies, the hospital had copies, everyone had copies, and had been talked to about her wishes. Then I walked into her hospital room (I was gone for 1 hour to get something to eat!) and they're giving her a blood transfusion. I went into the hall and just started yelling - it wasn't pretty.

We took her home that day with Hospice, and she passed peacefully 4 days later.

So yes, you need to be on the same page to carry out their wishes.

I have an AD - same kind as my Mom did. My niece is my POA, and understands my wishes, all in writing. But I'll never set foot - or be carried - into that particular hospital. Found out later my Mom had told the nurse NO, and they didn't listen to her. Our lawyer has told me that nurse doesn't work there any more.
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Old 01-26-2014, 01:43 PM
 
Location: Port Charlotte
3,927 posts, read 4,785,216 times
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Do you need this? Yes. Why? Because we will ALL face this sooner or later. Wife and I have one, carry it with us. Hospitals will get very invasive to try to 'prolong life' regardless of the quality of life.

As a prior poster noted,you can get good info at nolo.com and other sites. An attorney will not charge a lot to assist if you need help. You do not want to go into a hospital without one, as you can run afoul of state laws, regs, etc if something happens (bad anestheology, etc) and leaves the patient unable to make decisions.
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