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Old 03-12-2014, 10:17 AM
 
Location: Glenbogle
730 posts, read 1,026,943 times
Reputation: 1046

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This question is directed to those who retired to a location (either from choice or financial necessity) that is too far away from your family (kids, grandkids, etc) to be able to see them in person regularly.

Were you made to feel "guilty" about your choice, or that you were somehow not "as good" or "as loving" a parent as someone who chose to remain living close to their family whatever the cost?

Or did your family understand your reasons for retiring elsewhere, and support you in your choice?

I'm really curious to know what the reaction of others' family was to your decision not to stay geographically close to your offspring and/or grandkids. (as you can probably surmise, I have gotten some flak about this, LOL)
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Old 03-13-2014, 10:04 AM
 
Location: Near a river
16,042 posts, read 18,971,705 times
Reputation: 15649
This thread is from a while back — you may find some interesting posts here:

Negative feedback from family, friends on retirement relocation?
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Old 03-13-2014, 10:12 AM
 
Location: Sierra Nevada Land, CA
8,393 posts, read 9,139,362 times
Reputation: 13031
Gosh, if we decided to stay close to our adult kids, we would have moved three times in the last 10 years.

No negative feed back from family.
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Old 03-13-2014, 10:22 AM
 
Location: Florida
19,788 posts, read 19,891,223 times
Reputation: 23207
Our son started a family late in life and does feel that his kids are being cheated out of the grandparents that his sister's kids had.
But, he is still understanding and supportive of our decision.
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Old 03-13-2014, 10:46 AM
 
Location: Glenbogle
730 posts, read 1,026,943 times
Reputation: 1046
I will definitely check out that other thread. ;-)

Ironically, my DS completely understands my financial need to move (although he says he hates that it has to happen and will miss me terribly). However, my DIL is subtly painting me as a heartless self-centered (w)itch who is unwillling to make ANY and EVERY sacrifice ("including living in a single room in someone's garage, if that's what it takes") in order to live close enough to be able to see one's family almost every day. Which is how close her parents and other family have always lived.
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Old 03-13-2014, 11:38 AM
 
11,932 posts, read 20,383,027 times
Reputation: 19328
Stressed -- just tell DIL you'd gladly move in with them.... watch her change her tune!
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Old 03-13-2014, 11:43 AM
 
Location: Miraflores
782 posts, read 893,308 times
Reputation: 1531
I have not seen my 96 year old Father in 4 years, but with today's technology I could be video-chatting with him all day,everyday at no cost. Please, do not tell him though!
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Old 03-13-2014, 11:51 AM
 
Location: location, location!
1,915 posts, read 1,735,162 times
Reputation: 1868
^ Even if you told him, could he figure out how to Skype?
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Old 03-13-2014, 11:56 AM
 
Location: Florida -
8,763 posts, read 10,837,755 times
Reputation: 16632
One person cannot 'make' another person feel guilty, unless they allow it. If one's family is 'making' them feel guilty about moving away, it is likely that this pattern of 'imposed guilt' is much broader than the move alone. Time to deal with the problem, rather than the symptom.
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Old 03-13-2014, 12:22 PM
 
460 posts, read 853,087 times
Reputation: 627
Quote:
Originally Posted by StressedOutNYer View Post
However, my DIL is subtly painting me as a heartless self-centered (w)itch who is unwillling to make ANY and EVERY sacrifice ("including living in a single room in someone's garage, if that's what it takes") in order to live close enough to be able to see one's family almost every day.
Tell her she is a heartless, self-centered witch for not coming to visit you every week.

Or, just tell her to go to hell. I would.
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