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Bette, it's interesting that the subject of inheritances also just came up in the thread about reverse mortgages and I posted my story there, but it's even more relevant here in your thread specifically about the subject of inheritances.
I was responding (in agreement) to someone who had written that the money belongs to one's parents and that it's not justified to expect an inheritance as one's due:
I like your attitude on more than one level. First, counting one's chickens before they hatch is a bad idea in general, as so many unexpected things can happen in life.
Second, the entitlement attitude vis a vis one's parents is immature and childish (i.e., psychologically unhealthy). Certainly if our parents have raised us and supported us to the point where we are (or ought to be) independent, then they owe us nothing further.
My mother absolutely wanted to leave my sister and me an inheritance, but that attitude was not one that my sister and I encouraged. Personally, I wish my mother had spent more on making herself comfortable, but I had no control over that, my mother being exceedingly stubborn. I never counted on receiving anything from her, sort of like some people say they plan as if Social Security will not be there at all for them, but if they get it, it will be like icing on the cake. Well, we got our icing on the cake, bless my mother's heart, but we would both be fine right now if there had been not a single penny.
I did know that we would probably receive an inheritance, but that didn't change anything I did. The one thing we didn't know, of course, was how long my mother would live and how much would be spent on her long-term care. As it turned out, she died two months after I retired from full-time work.
The net result of the inheritance will probably be increased donations to various charities after my own death. Why? Because I would have been comfortable anyway and I don't like lavish spending and I abhor waste. The inheritance was more than negligible but was not a huge amount; even if it had been a huge amount, I would not be buying designer clothes or going to restaurants that have $50 meals or driving a Rolls Royce - I consider that kind of spending wasteful and it does not increase my enjoyment of life.
My older sister died in 2009 and left each of her four siblings about $50K. As she was a state government retiree who had a low level job relying primarily on a pension, the family was surprised that her estate was this large. The money was very helpful and I spent about half on some much needed improvements to my home and put the rest in a CD. I 'll use it to pay for closing costs or relocation costs once I retire. The inheritance will probably allow me to retire a year earlier or at least make me feel more confident with my retirement decision. I'm eligible to retire in 2015 - I can't retire earlier without seriously reducing my pension - it is just a matter of whether I feel that I can afford to retire next year or want to work for a couple of more years to have more confidence in my numbers. One brother used the inheritance as a down payment on his first house.
ABQ - I plan to do the same for my sibs especially my one sister whose husband has Parkinson's Stage 5 - she's had a rough time.
Her memory will live on by what she did for all of you.
Reminded me of the money that my Dad left to me and my three siblings when he died. It wasn't a great deal of money- think it was $15,000 for each of us, but it was the thought that he left it to each of us that has always touched my heart.
All of us except for one sister were estranged from Dad. Dad was an alcoholic and our mother the classic enabler with her own victim mentality, physical, mental and emotional abuse dominated our childhood, actually from both parents. It didn't get much better when we got older, and we each escaped to find our own lives as best we could ( and done pretty well too!)
After years of estrangement, I tried to re-establish contact with Dad as I could, in the last two years before he died, as he was going downhill due to terminal emphysema and Lord only knows what effect all the alcohol had on his brain. It was still difficult, he was still cantankerous but I knew he couldn't hurt me anymore. I still loved the person I knew him to be under all that alcohol related pathology ( and likely a personality disorder as well)- and sometimes it was possible to see that person peaking through, not often, but sometimes.
I didn't know what his resources were, I knew he had a pension and some savings- he was planning to pay for nursing home care just before he died, but I never expected, especially after all those years of no contact, to be left any kind of an inheritance from Dad. I expected that he'd leave whatever he had left to the sister who had maintained a relationship and tried to care for him, and I believed she deserved it too.
At the wake the night before Dad's funeral, and the four of us were gathered ( it had been years since we were together), the attorney who managed Dad's affairs and had become his close friend told us that Dad had divided his remaining money equally among us. Somehow, that act on Dad's part was like a balm on the hurt I had felt over the antagonism and splintering of our family, and when I think about it 20 years later, I still feel that way.
We used that $15,000, with some added to it, to buy the first portion of the property on which we built our retirement house. So I see it, and think of Dad ( the wonderful guy hiding inside all that pathology) everyday.....
From my side of the family there will be no inheritance. My mom is in a nursing home and corporate health is taking every last penny earned over her long life. It doesn't bother any of us kids - we are very glad she is in good care - but it bothers her. Greatly.
From my spouse's side there will probably be a substantial amount - but I told my spouse early on - we should plan as if we were not getting a dime. And we have. Just about anything can happen to that money even tho it's in a family trust.
She has the energy to live another 10 years - and she's 93.
we should plan as if we were not getting a dime. And we have.
That's the only way to do it.
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Lovely gesture
