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Old 04-21-2014, 06:36 PM
 
Location: Lakeland, Florida
6,971 posts, read 12,478,001 times
Reputation: 8702

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A year ago next week, I suddenly lost the majority of my Federal Retirement Pension. It was something I would not wish on anyone. I will be forever angry with the US Gov't, for not notifying me sometime before hand that this was to happen to me at age 63. There was no warning at all. I had to make quick decisions and I knew they would be temporary ones, until I figured it all out. My parents had been gone for a number of years, so that was not an option. I ended up moving in with my sister and her husband. They have been wonderful, but I have not been comfortable putting them in this position. I feel they want their house back, and I want to be on my own again. So by the end of summer I will be leaving. I told them of my plans just last week. My sister seemed shocked, but she said You have to do what you have to do. She's right
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Old 04-21-2014, 06:38 PM
 
Location: Columbia SC
8,945 posts, read 7,721,438 times
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There are many factors to shared living. I am 72 and in reasonable health. My wife is 73 and has a major health issue going on (she is not in pain nor ill nor bed ridden and her mind is sound) but the odds are she may well die within the next year or two. We have a 46 year old, never married son. He has no issues, has a job, good work record, supports himself. He has had a few live in girl friends over the years. He has a lady fried now but not a live in and he says does not want another live in nor does she want to be such. There is nothing really keeping him where he is which is 1000 miles away.

We have discussed that if my wife dies that he might want to consider coming to live with me. We discussed that I will not be supporting him nor is he wanting me to. His answer was he has no real ties there so if something happens to my wife, he would be receptive to the idea of relocating here and living with me. He realizes income is less here in SC but understands his cost of living expenses being lower will offset it.

Generational living can work especially well especially if one is not needing and both are sharing. The problem in most situations is when one needs.
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Old 04-21-2014, 06:49 PM
 
1,107 posts, read 1,873,174 times
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Generational living can work. There can be positives to this kind of arrangement for both generations. There has to be respect, cost sharing, and a sense of humor. Works for us and I enjoy it.
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Old 04-21-2014, 07:16 PM
 
5,090 posts, read 13,540,747 times
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In other cultures and other countries, generational living is common and accepted as norm. Why in our so called advanced culture, it is not. Those cultures have much less than most of us and have more of need to live communally. With our move to abundances and prosperity, perhaps we have lost much that should be valued.

There are some aspects that are advantages as having the elders take care of the children when the parents work and have the the care of the young when one is old. In some families, I think it does works and when some have difficulties with finances and health, it is appropriate.

In separating the generations by space, the young learn less of the knowledge of the old and the old only gain a little from the ideas of the young. Over time the young become old but add little to the knowledge that went before and slowly that which is passed is diminished in time.

Livecontent
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Old 04-21-2014, 07:36 PM
 
Location: VT; previously MD & NJ
2,183 posts, read 1,338,732 times
Reputation: 6286
Quote:
Originally Posted by livecontent View Post
In other cultures and other countries, generational living is common and accepted as norm. Why in our so called advanced culture, it is not. Those cultures have much less than most of us and have more of need to live communally. With our move to abundances and prosperity, perhaps we have lost much that should be valued.

There are some aspects that are advantages as having the elders take care of the children when the parents work and have the the care of the young when one is old. In some families, I think it does works and when some have difficulties with finances and health, it is appropriate.

In separating the generations by space, the young learn less of the knowledge of the old and the old only gain a little from the ideas of the young. Over time the young become old but add little to the knowledge that went before and slowly that which is passed is diminished in time.

Livecontent

Nicely said.
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Old 04-21-2014, 10:33 PM
 
12,825 posts, read 20,126,238 times
Reputation: 10910
Quote:
Originally Posted by Escort Rider View Post
Moving in with parents becomes more common for the middle-aged - latimes.com

This morning's Los Angeles Times has a story featuring a 50's-something couple who moved in with her mother for financial reasons, which the newspaper says is a growing trend in California. In addition to the socio-financial issue, there is some bizarre family drama involved. Sounds to me like the grandmother is the b***** from hell.
I am witnessing a couple of instances of this in my own hood.

Older Xers / younger Boomers who've had multiple turns of bad luck, coupled with their parents requiring more care.

We are seeing more ad hoc caregiving going on as a result.
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Old 04-21-2014, 10:37 PM
 
Location: southern california
55,634 posts, read 74,577,828 times
Reputation: 48121
I personally know of two that have come home to die
The sky is crying
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Old 04-21-2014, 10:38 PM
 
12,825 posts, read 20,126,238 times
Reputation: 10910
Quote:
Originally Posted by newenglandgirl View Post
I think the larger point is how sad and frustrating this is for all involved—elderly parents, middle-age kids, and grandchildren if there are any. It must be a tremendous blow to morale and self-esteem for everyone. Lost dreams and hopes, and coping with the close living arrangements. When adults need so much to be on their own, esp by 30s and 40s, to move in with parents for noncaregiving reasons just plain sucks. I wonder how much this situation will multiply, or if it has peaked and will lessen in coming years.
I am in the age demographic in question.

I happen to have been at a few right places at right times, avoided too, too many mistakes, and to boot have had fair to midland luck. As a result, I and my wife are independent and unless something really crazy happens I cannot imagine ever having to "move home." To be honest, that "home" has not been my home for over 32 years. However, I see others of my cohort who were not in the right place at the right time, made mistakes in marriage / finances / the law, and had poor luck to boot. While not as extreme as what we now see with many of the Millennial Generation (e.g. very high un/under employment, bad student loans, etc) nonetheless these less fortunate among my cohort have served as a warning wave.

Generations can no longer expect to bypass or even equal their parents in life success. In fact the head winds are immense. The forces at work are macroeconomic / global in nature, coupled with societal unraveling.
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Old 04-21-2014, 11:08 PM
 
Location: Stephenville, Texas
954 posts, read 1,441,737 times
Reputation: 1883
I think this is happening more and more, whether it be for financial or health reasons of the parents. In 2008 I left a position in Denver to return to Texas and become a caregiver for my parents. At the time we simply called it "watch over" them. I have posted more details in other threads. We are now at a point in time where I am a caregiver, in the true sense of the word.

Both my parents are now 83 and each are going through different types of health issues. After I moved back I did get a job, which I have since left because they are requiring more care.

Neither of them wants to go to a Nursing home, which I certainly understand. My mom even made the comment one time that when her time comes, she'd "like to die in her sleep here at home." She realizes, of course, that she can't make that decision.

Now when the time does come, then I will have to carry on and being a month away from turning 56 I'm not sure how easy it will be to find a job. But I'll get by. You do what you have to do, even when it sometimes changes your plans for the future. I will say that it changes your perspective of life. I'm single and have no children...who will take care of me when I am older? I have a sister, but I would never ask her to do that.

One good thing about this current situation is that my expenses are a a minimum. As long as I don't have to liquidate all of my retirement savings, I will be better off in the future. In the meantime, I'm staying busy...helping them out. If I were married with a family of my own things might be different. All in all, I am glad to be able to help them out. We just take it one day at a time...and time just flies by.
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Old 04-22-2014, 02:46 PM
 
Location: Florida -
8,760 posts, read 10,829,371 times
Reputation: 16622
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jimrob1 View Post
A year ago next week, I suddenly lost the majority of my Federal Retirement Pension. It was something I would not wish on anyone. I will be forever angry with the US Gov't, for not notifying me sometime before hand that this was to happen to me at age 63. There was no warning at all. I had to make quick decisions and I knew they would be temporary ones, until I figured it all out. My parents had been gone for a number of years, so that was not an option. I ended up moving in with my sister and her husband. They have been wonderful, but I have not been comfortable putting them in this position. I feel they want their house back, and I want to be on my own again. So by the end of summer I will be leaving. I told them of my plans just last week. My sister seemed shocked, but she said You have to do what you have to do. She's right
Ouch! - That's really painful and also sounds unavoidable (?) -- You are surely the type of person for whom a 'safety net' should exist! Unfortunately, much of our "entitlement system" (ha ha) is designed to help those who chronically make poor decisions throughout their lifetimes --- and not those who 'fall through the cracks' or whom some mindless bureaucracy gobbles-up.

For the moment, at least, you have family that is willing to help you. Do you have a plan beyond that or are you simply deciding it's time to move (eg; part time employment, some type of housing (try HUD) or a sense of direction? This is also a good time to seek out a support group of folks in your situation. They might be able to fill-in some of the 'gaps' in your thinking. Many folks also use CD Forum as a sounding board for ideas.
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