U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Retirement
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 04-22-2014, 05:58 PM
 
Location: Near a river
16,042 posts, read 18,973,893 times
Reputation: 15649

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by johngolf View Post
There are many factors to shared living. I am 72 and in reasonable health. My wife is 73 and has a major health issue going on (she is not in pain nor ill nor bed ridden and her mind is sound) but the odds are she may well die within the next year or two. We have a 46 year old, never married son. He has no issues, has a job, good work record, supports himself. He has had a few live in girl friends over the years. He has a lady fried now but not a live in and he says does not want another live in nor does she want to be such. There is nothing really keeping him where he is which is 1000 miles away.

We have discussed that if my wife dies that he might want to consider coming to live with me. We discussed that I will not be supporting him nor is he wanting me to. His answer was he has no real ties there so if something happens to my wife, he would be receptive to the idea of relocating here and living with me. He realizes income is less here in SC but understands his cost of living expenses being lower will offset it.

Generational living can work especially well especially if one is not needing and both are sharing. The problem in most situations is when one needs.
My son and his wife will be buying into land that his wife's widowed mother owns and he will build a separate house for his family after (or maybe before) he builds hers. I think it's a terrific idea esp as my DIL's mother is a terrific grandma and she will be there for the kids as they grow up. I'm a tad jealous but I see how beneficial this is for them. It's not far away so I can visit often.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 04-22-2014, 09:09 PM
 
48,516 posts, read 83,922,814 times
Reputation: 18050
can't say I have seen this except when old person needs help to stay in home . Quite coomn for what is commonly called a mother-in-law to be added. It can be detached or added on. Basically it has own living room or den ;bedroom ;small kitchen. Allows privacy mostly for senior; really.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-23-2014, 10:55 AM
 
Location: SW Florida
9,751 posts, read 7,033,290 times
Reputation: 14260
Quote:
Originally Posted by AZDesertBrat View Post
This is exactly why I don't want to live with my mom. I live in her guest house, see her often, am close enough if she needs me and it's all good. But if I lived with her it would become a mom/child relationship, to her. One time I 'reminded' her of my age and asked her to consider how she would have felt about some things when she was my age. She 'got it' but old habits are hard to break.
At least she got it, and didn't hold a grudge against you for a week for saying something she construes as criticism... that would be my mother....
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-23-2014, 10:57 AM
 
Location: SW Florida
9,751 posts, read 7,033,290 times
Reputation: 14260
Quote:
Originally Posted by Escort Rider View Post
I agree about the larger point; that was made quite clear in the article. In the case of the family cited, personal animosity of the woman's mother towards her son-in-law was so extreme as to multiply the level of frustration. If I were that woman I don't think I would ever speak to my mother again once I got the hell out of there; at one point the woman's husband wasn't allowed to enter the house even to use the restroom. Hello?!?
In a scenario like that the last thing in the world I would do is to move back in with a parent. Sometimes there are worse things than living out of one's car......
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-24-2014, 06:13 AM
 
Location: in the miseries
3,302 posts, read 3,579,301 times
Reputation: 3810
My parents took care of this problem immediately.
When the last chick left the nest, he sold it and moved to a tiny one bedroom.
Smart man.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-26-2014, 03:57 PM
 
Location: Cushing OK
14,547 posts, read 17,543,470 times
Reputation: 16771
I was sick during my twenties, and mom and dad took care of me. Mom died a few years after I got better. I don't know if I'd have moved ever if it was mom.

Dad is me and I am Dad. Instant flashpoint. But after her death, he was having memory and other problems and I didn't want him alone. I was also working full time. Before mom died, a friend and I had planned to get an apartment but for a while she moved in so we could save up for the security and such. But I'd gone on a date with a guy with a beard. He was nice, but I don't think I'd have had another one with him other than friendly.

Dad comes in the next morning all upset and mad. How dare I go out with a man with a beard? Didn't I know the sort that wore that? ect ect ect...... Dad would also once in a while say it was good I was there so I could be like mom.

We moved. He wasn't happy and he'd do things like drive by the apartment and call and if I didn't answer drive back and knock and say why didn't you pick up the phone????? He didn't like my friends. I was ungrateful, so and so and so on.

In my dad's view when mom died I was going to step in her shoes and take care of the house and him. But we could get into a fight over utter nothings. I tried to get him help, but he decided to sell the house and move. My aunt tracked him down a few months later. They kept in touch and went to visit. I wish before he got so bad he didn't remember me we'd had a relationship, but he wrote letters to me as if I could come and it would be wonderful. Not.

I had the chance to move in with Dad, go with him when he moved, give up my friends and so forth. I said no. It was a hard road, but Dad would have been harder. Just because its your parents, or your dad is NO guarentee that you and them will get along and not both be miserable, even if you did okay as parents and kids. Some parents never get to the point they see an adult standing before them.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-26-2014, 05:09 PM
 
Location: Los Angeles area
14,018 posts, read 17,735,102 times
Reputation: 32304
Quote:
Originally Posted by nightbird47 View Post
....... Some parents never get to the point they see an adult standing before them.
That is a powerful statement, and you stated it very well. It reduces a profound truth to just a few words, which means the impact of the statement is concentrated. How very, very true.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-13-2015, 07:24 PM
 
1 posts, read 1,054 times
Reputation: 10
Quote:
Originally Posted by Escort Rider View Post
Moving in with parents becomes more common for the middle-aged - latimes.com

This morning's Los Angeles Times has a story featuring a 50's-something couple who moved in with her mother for financial reasons, which the newspaper says is a growing trend in California. In addition to the socio-financial issue, there is some bizarre family drama involved. Sounds to me like the grandmother is the b***** from hell.

I'm coming late to this story, but was also disturbed at the grandmother's reaction. I would like to know what happened to this couple; it's my guess, but certainly my hope, that when the story broke they were offered assistance from sympathetic readers.

I also had to wonder why a 77-year-old woman necessarily needed an "office" when that bedroom could have served to ease the lack of room and privacy for her daughter's family. Sure, I understand that her longtime routine was disrupted...but I'd rather give up my office for a while than have my child and her husband sleeping on blankets on the floor. And to say "I'm not hardhearted" when you will not even allow your son-in-law to enter your home simply because he is unemployed is staggering. Where did the man go during the daytime? How did he shower and clean up for interviews? One can only imagine what this treatment did to his self-esteem, or how his sons felt at seeing their father reduced in this way. It doesn't sound like Mrs. Goulart had any qualms about essentially sending her family to the street, either. I can't help wondering if there is more to this story than was permitted by space restrictions.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-14-2015, 10:11 PM
 
168 posts, read 129,881 times
Reputation: 844
Our home is an generational home (grammy, daughter and husband with two children ages 6 and 8) and we make it work....sometimes it is hard...but sometimes it is quite wonderful. It has allowed greater financial freedom for all of us. It also gives me some structure in my life that I would not have if I lived alone.

In the next few weeks I will be going to Hersheypark with 4 grandchidren. On Saturday I am taking my oldest grandson (13) on a trip west to Yosemite and San Francisco for 13 days. After July 4 celebration I will be going to Williamsburg with youngest daughter and 3 teenage grandchildren (I went to WCW with oldest daughter and 2 youngest grands last March). I will spend the rest on the summer playing school, going to museums and pool, movies, and bowling with 2 youngest with occasional tagalongs by the 3 tweens......

In the fall my grandchildren will participate in ballet, soccor, basketball, and/or football. I will help with transportation and their parents can afford the fees because their housing costs are low.

These activities are my choices that I can afford because we share expenses and we respect each others space. However I will be taking a few weeks in October and January to travel with friends.....
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-14-2015, 10:30 PM
 
Location: Los Angeles area
14,018 posts, read 17,735,102 times
Reputation: 32304
Quote:
Originally Posted by Suevee View Post
Our home is an generational home (grammy, daughter and husband with two children ages 6 and 8) and we make it work....sometimes it is hard...but sometimes it is quite wonderful. It has allowed greater financial freedom for all of us. It also gives me some structure in my life that I would not have if I lived alone.

In the next few weeks I will be going to Hersheypark with 4 grandchidren. On Saturday I am taking my oldest grandson (13) on a trip west to Yosemite and San Francisco for 13 days. After July 4 celebration I will be going to Williamsburg with youngest daughter and 3 teenage grandchildren (I went to WCW with oldest daughter and 2 youngest grands last March). I will spend the rest on the summer playing school, going to museums and pool, movies, and bowling with 2 youngest with occasional tagalongs by the 3 tweens......

In the fall my grandchildren will participate in ballet, soccor, basketball, and/or football. I will help with transportation and their parents can afford the fees because their housing costs are low.

These activities are my choices that I can afford because we share expenses and we respect each others space. However I will be taking a few weeks in October and January to travel with friends.....
It is heart-warming to read the success stories such as yours, in which more than one generation is together by mutual consent to their mutual advantage and where they show each other mutual respect.

So often there is some pathology involved, such as the in the newspaper article which was linked to in the original post. The neer-do-well 30-something, who is still living with mommy and daddy and sponging off them because he or she has no job and has never had one, has nothing to do with your situation. The former is completely negative and the latter is completely positive.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Retirement
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top