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Old 06-14-2015, 11:58 PM
 
Location: Cochise county, AZ
4,981 posts, read 3,472,095 times
Reputation: 10514

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After I was laid off at 55, it never occurred to me I wouldn't be able to get a new one but didn't realize the recession was just beginning. I made a fair amount of money at my job & that. & my skills made employers think I would be too expensive, especially since it was a college town & they could hire a younger person at 1/2 the cost. I tried to convince employers that I was more than willing to take a cut in pay but..apparently it didn't work
Anyway it turned out that I lost my house & the month before I had to leave the house, a woman ran a red light & crashed my car. So there went my last resort (sleeping in my car). I broke down & called one of my brothers. He insisted I stay with his family until I got back on my feet. It was very uncomfortrable as it was obvious my sister in law didn't want me there.
After talking it over with my sister (who was taking care of our mother , who had developed dementia) . Turns out another brother who lived next door & loved the thought that I could move in with him. It worked for all of us. I got room & board in exchange for cleaning & cooking & I was able to relieve my sister so she could do things & have some freedom. Mom needed 24/7 care & it was very hard on my sister.
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Old 06-15-2015, 04:23 AM
 
168 posts, read 130,109 times
Reputation: 844
Quote:
Originally Posted by Escort Rider View Post
It is heart-warming to read the success stories such as yours, in which more than one generation is together by mutual consent to their mutual advantage and where they show each other mutual respect.

So often there is some pathology involved, such as the in the newspaper article which was linked to in the original post. The neer-do-well 30-something, who is still living with mommy and daddy and sponging off them because he or she has no job and has never had one, has nothing to do with your situation. The former is completely negative and the latter is completely positive.
I wanted to post a success story on intergenerational housing, I see so many negative posts. It can be done successfully with rules, respect and communication. So many people feel like or are perceived as failures when moving back with family. We need a new viewpoint that builds stronger families and stops isolating/judging when economic factors require a combined family household.

It just makes more sense socially, economically, and spiritually to support our parents, children and grandchildren. One big benefit is I am an active participant in the lives of a new generation and not just a side liner or after thought in their lives.
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Old 06-15-2015, 03:14 PM
 
12,825 posts, read 20,163,751 times
Reputation: 10910
From the standpoint of generational dynamics there is no surprise here.

The Silent Gen = The Overall Wealthiest Generation in American History.

Gen X = one of the poorest (in inflation / currency dilution adjusted dollars)

Late Boom = almost as bad off as X

Millies = not off to a good start
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Old 06-15-2015, 06:33 PM
 
Location: Tennessee
34,706 posts, read 33,724,405 times
Reputation: 51965
What do middle aged "kids" do when they have a financial downturn and their parents are no longer alive and they have no siblings or the siblings are worse off than they are?

It strikes me that some may move in with their parents to retain some semblance of a lifestyle to which they are accustomed rather than live like the poor person they now find themselves to be.
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Old 06-15-2015, 09:50 PM
 
Location: Lakewood OH
21,698 posts, read 23,692,507 times
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About five or six years ago, my nephew who was 49 years old lost his job. This was not news, he had lost many before. But this time he couldn't find a new one. So mom and dad took him in. Mom was retired but dad still had a very good job working for a large corporation. They have a beautiful home and were planning to retire in about five to six years.

Nephew settled in. He looked for work but couldn't find much. Having only a GED didn't help. Finally he was able to get a job. Not a great job but at least a job. Although he had promised to move out in a year, he never did. In all his adult life he never lived so well so why should he? Mom cooked, cleaned, washed his clothes, just like when he was a kid.

FF to today and he is still living with mom and dad. I wonder where he will go when they finally decide to sell the house and retire. He is in his mid 50's now and has gone through seveal very low paying jobs. One he lost when it was discovered he had a small amount of pot on him. The company had a zero tolerance policy on drugs. I don't know if he is working at present.

So what's to become of him? My sister says she will never kick him out. He's her kid. He is clearly taking advantage of his parents but they won't let him live on the streets. Maybe if they move to a retirement community they will take him with them. He certainly is old enough to live in one of the over 55 ones.
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Old 06-15-2015, 10:41 PM
 
Location: Cushing OK
14,547 posts, read 17,569,443 times
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I envy those who could live with their family. Mom was my soul mate. Dad was my mirror. I spend seven years sick after high school at home, then about five dealing with looking for work and working. Mom had passed by then. A friend of mine moved in since Dad knew we were planning on a apartment, (I didn't want any more arguments with Dad) and he offered a good deal.

We still moved out. Dad and I loved each other but were pretty much the same soul. It didn't take much to start the argument. Mom refereed many many a fight before she passed far too soon.

As I've gotten older, I've gotten where I more and more appreciate Dad and what he gave me. Hard headed and not much for compromise, we sparred over everything. But that 'space' where others are not allowed and I know my own ideas had stood me good many times, sometimes for hard decisions.

I was with my parents until mom died at 61, and dad some six years later. I loved them. But it would not have been a happy home to have tried sharing. I would always be my dad's little girl requiring constant guidence even if I was all grown up and had made my own life.
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Old 06-15-2015, 11:13 PM
 
Location: Living rent free in your head
31,130 posts, read 13,643,867 times
Reputation: 22168
The people across street from me have 4 generations living in the same house and it's a small house -probably 1400 sq ft. Grandma is probably 75 or so, her daughter and her husband probably 45-50, their daughter and her husband, mid 20's and that couples 4 year old son. Both of the men work as does the younger woman. They are always cheerful, quiet and keep to themselves. I have no idea how they do it, if I had that many people in my house I'd lose my mind
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Old 06-16-2015, 03:22 AM
 
Location: Los Angeles area
14,018 posts, read 17,759,876 times
Reputation: 32309
Quote:
Originally Posted by Minervah View Post
About five or six years ago, my nephew who was 49 years old lost his job. This was not news, he had lost many before. But this time he couldn't find a new one. So mom and dad took him in. Mom was retired but dad still had a very good job working for a large corporation. They have a beautiful home and were planning to retire in about five to six years.

Nephew settled in. He looked for work but couldn't find much. Having only a GED didn't help. Finally he was able to get a job. Not a great job but at least a job. Although he had promised to move out in a year, he never did. In all his adult life he never lived so well so why should he? Mom cooked, cleaned, washed his clothes, just like when he was a kid.

FF to today and he is still living with mom and dad. I wonder where he will go when they finally decide to sell the house and retire. He is in his mid 50's now and has gone through seveal very low paying jobs. One he lost when it was discovered he had a small amount of pot on him. The company had a zero tolerance policy on drugs. I don't know if he is working at present.

So what's to become of him? My sister says she will never kick him out. He's her kid. He is clearly taking advantage of his parents but they won't let him live on the streets. Maybe if they move to a retirement community they will take him with them. He certainly is old enough to live in one of the over 55 ones.
The story of your nephew is the counterpoint to the post of Suevee. It sort of illustrates my comment "some pathology involved".

I can understand why the parents "won't let him live on the streets", but I can't understand how the nephew could be content with the circumstances. I couldn't wait to move out of my parent's home, which I accomplished at age 18 when I went off to college. I had an inner drive for independence, and doing my own laundry and cleaning was and is a small price to pay. We are all different, for sure.
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Old 06-16-2015, 03:30 AM
 
35,108 posts, read 40,306,147 times
Reputation: 62061
Quote:
Originally Posted by Escort Rider View Post
Moving in with parents becomes more common for the middle-aged - latimes.com

This morning's Los Angeles Times has a story featuring a 50's-something couple who moved in with her mother for financial reasons, which the newspaper says is a growing trend in California. In addition to the socio-financial issue, there is some bizarre family drama involved. Sounds to me like the grandmother is the b***** from hell.

My Brother has lived with my Mother for years but she is handicapped and it works out great for both of them.
Currently my Niece lives with her as well and my oldest son and his family live right next door.

There are other reasons than finances at times when older children move back to their parents homes.
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Old 06-16-2015, 05:56 AM
 
Location: Near a river
16,042 posts, read 18,997,544 times
Reputation: 15649
Some families just seem really comfortable and laid-back with each other, though there may be a squabble now and then. They are comfortably clannish, and I too envy that although I'm not the type to be in that kind of situation. In New England in the older neighborhoods we have many large two- and three-family (separate apartments) houses. More often that not it was and still is to some extent relatives in these apartments. Older folks often had their grandkids running around on a floor above them. One family I remember well, across the street from us. The house owner, the granddad, would be outside trimming his hedge meticulously by hand, taking care of his home with utmost pride. A big house with separate apts could be nice, depending on temperaments.
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