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Old 04-21-2014, 06:08 AM
 
Location: Los Angeles area
14,018 posts, read 17,726,438 times
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Moving in with parents becomes more common for the middle-aged - latimes.com

This morning's Los Angeles Times has a story featuring a 50's-something couple who moved in with her mother for financial reasons, which the newspaper says is a growing trend in California. In addition to the socio-financial issue, there is some bizarre family drama involved. Sounds to me like the grandmother is the b***** from hell.
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Old 04-21-2014, 09:32 AM
 
Location: Prescott AZ
6,119 posts, read 9,071,114 times
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Unhuh. I tried this (moving in with my mom) when I got divorced. I went nuts. Once again, I was the little girl and she was the caregiver. It just didn't work. I was in between places to live and my stuff was in boxes. One day I just said "enough" and went out and rented a condo, until I moved to my own house. Relationships change dramatically when you live with someone.
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Old 04-21-2014, 09:39 AM
 
Location: Verde Valley AZ
8,611 posts, read 9,674,534 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PhxBarb View Post
Unhuh. I tried this (moving in with my mom) when I got divorced. I went nuts. Once again, I was the little girl and she was the caregiver. It just didn't work. I was in between places to live and my stuff was in boxes. One day I just said "enough" and went out and rented a condo, until I moved to my own house. Relationships change dramatically when you live with someone.
This is exactly why I don't want to live with my mom. I live in her guest house, see her often, am close enough if she needs me and it's all good. But if I lived with her it would become a mom/child relationship, to her. One time I 'reminded' her of my age and asked her to consider how she would have felt about some things when she was my age. She 'got it' but old habits are hard to break.
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Old 04-21-2014, 01:13 PM
 
Location: Near a river
16,042 posts, read 18,967,079 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Escort Rider View Post
Moving in with parents becomes more common for the middle-aged - latimes.com

This morning's Los Angeles Times has a story featuring a 50's-something couple who moved in with her mother for financial reasons, which the newspaper says is a growing trend in California. In addition to the socio-financial issue, there is some bizarre family drama involved. Sounds to me like the grandmother is the b***** from hell.
I think the larger point is how sad and frustrating this is for all involved—elderly parents, middle-age kids, and grandchildren if there are any. It must be a tremendous blow to morale and self-esteem for everyone. Lost dreams and hopes, and coping with the close living arrangements. When adults need so much to be on their own, esp by 30s and 40s, to move in with parents for noncaregiving reasons just plain sucks. I wonder how much this situation will multiply, or if it has peaked and will lessen in coming years.
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Old 04-21-2014, 01:55 PM
 
Location: Sierra Nevada Land, CA
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I see this situation in my line of work(social services). Half the time financial abuse is occurring. 50 year old son living with 80 year old parent = red flag.
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Old 04-21-2014, 02:14 PM
 
Location: in the miseries
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Sometimes the parents need help.
Both physically and financially.
So older children move back in
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Old 04-21-2014, 02:48 PM
 
Location: Los Angeles area
14,018 posts, read 17,726,438 times
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Originally Posted by luvmyhoss View Post
Sometimes the parents need help.
Both physically and financially.
So older children move back in
While what you say is unquestionably true, the whole point of the article was that, contrary to stereotype, here is an example of a trend, namely that some people as old as their 50's are moving back with parents because they (the adult children) are not surviving financially due mostly to job loss. In the case cited, the mother did not need any help, either physically or financially. So we are not talking here about the parents needing help.
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Old 04-21-2014, 02:53 PM
 
Location: Los Angeles area
14,018 posts, read 17,726,438 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by newenglandgirl View Post
I think the larger point is how sad and frustrating this is for all involved—elderly parents, middle-age kids, and grandchildren if there are any. It must be a tremendous blow to morale and self-esteem for everyone. Lost dreams and hopes, and coping with the close living arrangements. When adults need so much to be on their own, esp by 30s and 40s, to move in with parents for noncaregiving reasons just plain sucks. I wonder how much this situation will multiply, or if it has peaked and will lessen in coming years.
I agree about the larger point; that was made quite clear in the article. In the case of the family cited, personal animosity of the woman's mother towards her son-in-law was so extreme as to multiply the level of frustration. If I were that woman I don't think I would ever speak to my mother again once I got the hell out of there; at one point the woman's husband wasn't allowed to enter the house even to use the restroom. Hello?!?
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Old 04-21-2014, 03:01 PM
 
Location: Florida -
8,760 posts, read 10,832,098 times
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Surprising (to me), I've got 'kids' moving toward their 50's! I can't imagine them moving-in with us ... unless there was some type of major medical or related emergency. (We would be more likely to move-in with them! ... Which we would not do, if we could help it). But, then, our 'kids' are responsible adults who have supported themselves and their families for at least the past 20-years.

I've seen cases in street ministry where 40-50-year old's have moved-in with parents. Invariably, there has been a long history of dependency (moving in/out, borrowing money, etc). There are also usually mitigating forces that have kept these folks from 'growing-up' and moving-on with their lives (drug/alcohol addiction, prison, mental disability and/or parents 'enabling' them in a co-dependent relationship).

Yes, the poor economy has been difficult and drawn-out, but, look back over the years. There have always been 'rough patches' in the economy and employment markets. Sometimes (IMO), "the economy" is simply used as the latest in a long string of excuses for a 'failure to launch' into adulthood.
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Old 04-21-2014, 04:32 PM
 
Location: SW MO
23,605 posts, read 31,467,321 times
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Well, that's nothing our parents ever have to worry about. Oh wait. None of them are with us any longer and in my case, haven't been in decades.

Yikes! That leaves us as the elderly parents. Memo to Self: Build a basement with outside entrance, a small but full kitchen, a full bath and a bedroom or two. Nothing spacious but adequate. Either that or run power to and insulate the storage shed. Throw in a hot plate and an outhouse.

We tried once to "rescue" and accommodate a daughter, my stepdaughter, and her children. It was the most miserable five weeks we'd experienced in our marriage. Finally I threw them out and swore, never again. If anyone else but her needed lodgings I'd rent them a single-wide in the general area until they were back on their feet.
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