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Old 05-05-2014, 07:53 PM
 
Location: At the Lake (in Texas)
2,070 posts, read 2,036,846 times
Reputation: 5032

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Hefe View Post
Wow, I read this & I could've written this exactly word for word (although I am a guy & the genders would be reversed.) It is tough to jump back into the pool with these new insecurities, it's also difficult to meet appropriate potential partners. Good subject.

I also enjoyed the humor, or attempts at some fun. Some people obviously are humor-challenged, relax & loosen up.
Couldn't rep you again so I wanted to say thank you for your post ... I couldn't agree more with everything you said, and it is helpful to realize that many men feel the same way regarding insecurities...I guess we could look at it as being kids again...you know those insecurities of first dates...wait, no ... that was awful! LOL
Anyway, it is helpful to know that lots of us have realized that there is more to a relationship than having a 20-year old's body. I have had boy toys during one particular decade of fun, and what I look for more than hard bodies or boy toys now is an evolved man, a man who has lived and mellowed, seasoned, and moreover has things to say that are funny ... and are interesting ... and are stimulating...
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Old 05-12-2014, 10:37 AM
 
Location: City of the Angels
2,222 posts, read 1,667,902 times
Reputation: 5376
Quote:
Originally Posted by MagnoliaThunder View Post
Couldn't rep you again so I wanted to say thank you for your post ... I couldn't agree more with everything you said, and it is helpful to realize that many men feel the same way regarding insecurities...I guess we could look at it as being kids again...you know those insecurities of first dates...wait, no ... that was awful! LOL
Anyway, it is helpful to know that lots of us have realized that there is more to a relationship than having a 20-year old's body. I have had boy toys during one particular decade of fun, and what I look for more than hard bodies or boy toys now is an evolved man, a man who has lived and mellowed, seasoned, and moreover has things to say that are funny ... and are interesting ... and are stimulating...
Maybe, you should start drinking Dos Equis ?
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Old 05-12-2014, 01:21 PM
 
Location: No. Virginia, USA
329 posts, read 477,034 times
Reputation: 317
Quote:
Originally Posted by MagnoliaThunder View Post
Okay, here goes. I don't usually post threads but I've been thinking about something. But first I have to give a little background to explain why I am now asking this question.
I have not dated in years...family issues, family illness, and then after a few years I really didn't feel I wanted to be in a relationship. I have a full life and, in past years, I dated a lot of nice guys but I never felt I wanted to get serious and certainly didn't want to remarry.
Now that I am approaching retirement in a few years, I have begun to think that perhaps I would enjoy having a man in my life again...the time seems to be right and I would enjoy a partner, I think, to do things with and to have an intimate relationship again.
Okay, now here's the situation: I look nice for my age (62), but my body has aged like most people's bodies certainly do -- I have not been intimate with a man since the mid-90s and I have changed a lot.
I wouldn't even worry about this except that I am thinking of something one of my best friends told me. I have a best friend who is a man about 10 years younger than me, and we are "siblings-of-choice"...he told me years ago about his then 85-year-old father in law (he is now divorced and the old man is dead)...this guy looked every bit of 85, and his wife had been admitted to an Alzheimer's Care facility, so he decided he would be free to date. And he dated -- a lot -- he dated women his own age who lived in the same senior citizen facility he lived in, although he told my friend he was sure that all the younger women they encountered in the course of, say, going to lunch, really "wanted him" -- I think he really thought that. But he dated very nice older women who were age appropriate. He had sex with most of them, and here's what I keep thinking about: He actually told my friend (much to my friend's horror and chagrin) all the details of his new love life, and he made fun of all those women's bodies, even though he was supposed to be their "boyfriend"...at the very least they assumed he liked them and that he was their friend.
This is horrible! I never worried at all about being naked around my lovers...now, I am thinking is THAT what a man will be thinking to himself while he is having sex with me? That is just horrible to contemplate.
So, men: please be honest because I want to know the truth before I think any further about the possibility of opening my life up to another man.
Thanks in advance for your honest and thoughtful answers.

I would never ever make fun of a woman's body if/when we got into an intimate situation -- but (and maybe this was said above but I didn't read all the posts), at 62, speaking as a guy, can't say mr. happy is always going to be reliable if you know what I mean. So don't you judge also.
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Old 05-12-2014, 07:54 PM
 
Location: At the Lake (in Texas)
2,070 posts, read 2,036,846 times
Reputation: 5032
Chasva69, thanks for this reminder. To be honest, I have never been with older men -- my husband was my same age and after my divorce, most of the guys who approached me were younger - sometimes much younger -- so obviously sexually I never faced that problem.
But now, IF I decide to add a relationship to my life, I don't so much care for a "boy-toy" or a hard body...I think I would prefer a man closer to my own age, who has, like me, mellowed and become "seasoned" as I said before. The body and even the uncertainty of "Mr. Happy" showing up is hardly (sorry, puns intended) so important to me now, and I would never criticize my lover for this issue. Intimate, to me, is as much about holding, touching, closeness, sharing one's inner self, as it is about the actual act of sex.
But again, thank you for your response and reminder!
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Old 05-14-2014, 11:17 AM
 
Location: Southern Oregon coast
480 posts, read 508,102 times
Reputation: 1540
I divorced at 39 and met my current husband at 54. We're now planning our last big adventure - moving from the southeast to the northwest, next year after he retires. There ARE good men out there, Magnolia, and the one who falls in love with you won't care a bit about any jiggles or sags. He will love you the way you are, and think you're beautiful! My best wishes to you. Life is so wonderful, and sharing it with someone you love makes it even better.
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Old 05-14-2014, 09:56 PM
 
Location: Las Vegas
13,890 posts, read 25,340,170 times
Reputation: 26388
It's a happy hunting ground out there. I was never attractive and I have a body that's best forgotten. I am very intelligent and have a great sense of humor. When I was young, I had no dates. I'm the one who stayed home reading a book when everyone else went to the prom. I loved men but they didn't love me.

Eventually I became old and single. I prepared myself to spend the rest of my life alone or with friends. I was wrong. Dead wrong. Turns out Yellowsnow is one hot number. I didn't find a magic wand and wake up beautiful one day. Just turns out that I don't look like I gave up or that I'm all used up. That's the only way I can explain it. I get asked out all the time and it still amazes me.

Don't give up! And most men who make it to old have learned to be gentlemen. Time has taught them to be much kinder than the young men I grew up with.
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Old 05-15-2014, 04:12 AM
 
Location: We_tside PNW (Columbia Gorge) / CO / SA TX / Thailand
22,636 posts, read 39,998,659 times
Reputation: 23790
Quote:
Originally Posted by yellowsnow View Post
... Turns out Yellowsnow is one hot number. I didn't find a magic wand and wake up beautiful one day. ...
it's the legs...
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Old 05-15-2014, 08:18 AM
 
Location: Las Vegas
13,890 posts, read 25,340,170 times
Reputation: 26388
Quote:
Originally Posted by StealthRabbit View Post
it's the legs...
Well thank you Mr. Rabbit!
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Old 05-15-2014, 08:24 AM
 
Location: Near a river
16,042 posts, read 18,988,950 times
Reputation: 15649
Quote:
Originally Posted by MagnoliaThunder View Post
Intimate, to me, is as much about holding, touching, closeness, sharing one's inner self, as it is about the actual act of sex.
A couple would be truly in love for intimacy without sex. But maybe not.
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Old 06-27-2014, 07:17 AM
 
Location: Loudon, TN
5,792 posts, read 4,846,494 times
Reputation: 19489
One important thing to remember if you decide to go the internet route (there are internet dating sites for the over 50 set, such as "Our Time") is to never fall for the so-called "romance scam". Generally these are people who post fake profiles and get people involved with them by e-mail and text and profess love before they have even met. I know we think we would never fall for something like that, but people do strange things when they are lonely. Then these scammers start asking for money. Usually it starts a as loan to help them out of some imaginary jam, and then it's to pay for plane tickets to come see you. Then they somehow can't make the trip because of some new crisis that requires more money, etc, etc, etc. This sounds improbable, but lonely people fall for this all the time. A co-worker lost her husband to a Russian scam artist who tricked her husband into believing he was in love with the scammer and he left his wife of 30+ years for a woman who had no intention of ever meeting him. Of course that was AFTER he had sent her thousand of dollars from their savings account. I saw a seemingly intelligent retired widow on Dr. Phil who had given over $100,000 to a scammer over a period of a year before her children found out. She still didn't believe, until Dr. Phil proved it, that the man she thought she was in love with didn't exist. Watch out for the RED FLAGS...1)if someone won't at least meet for coffee after 2 weeks or so of correspondence...2) they live in a distant location and want to just have an on-line relationship for an extended period...3) they ask for any amount of money...4) you can't verify their back story via any of the usual research methods. Always meet for the first time in a public place like a coffee shop or museum and tell a friend where you are going before you go and that you will call them after you get home. There are numerous background checking websites for a nominal fee. Sorry to be so scary, but better safe than sorry.
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