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Old 04-22-2014, 09:56 PM
 
Location: At the Lake (in Texas)
2,070 posts, read 2,035,824 times
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Okay, here goes. I don't usually post threads but I've been thinking about something. But first I have to give a little background to explain why I am now asking this question.
I have not dated in years...family issues, family illness, and then after a few years I really didn't feel I wanted to be in a relationship. I have a full life and, in past years, I dated a lot of nice guys but I never felt I wanted to get serious and certainly didn't want to remarry.
Now that I am approaching retirement in a few years, I have begun to think that perhaps I would enjoy having a man in my life again...the time seems to be right and I would enjoy a partner, I think, to do things with and to have an intimate relationship again.
Okay, now here's the situation: I look nice for my age (62), but my body has aged like most people's bodies certainly do -- I have not been intimate with a man since the mid-90s and I have changed a lot.
I wouldn't even worry about this except that I am thinking of something one of my best friends told me. I have a best friend who is a man about 10 years younger than me, and we are "siblings-of-choice"...he told me years ago about his then 85-year-old father in law (he is now divorced and the old man is dead)...this guy looked every bit of 85, and his wife had been admitted to an Alzheimer's Care facility, so he decided he would be free to date. And he dated -- a lot -- he dated women his own age who lived in the same senior citizen facility he lived in, although he told my friend he was sure that all the younger women they encountered in the course of, say, going to lunch, really "wanted him" -- I think he really thought that. But he dated very nice older women who were age appropriate. He had sex with most of them, and here's what I keep thinking about: He actually told my friend (much to my friend's horror and chagrin) all the details of his new love life, and he made fun of all those women's bodies, even though he was supposed to be their "boyfriend"...at the very least they assumed he liked them and that he was their friend.
This is horrible! I never worried at all about being naked around my lovers...now, I am thinking is THAT what a man will be thinking to himself while he is having sex with me? That is just horrible to contemplate.
So, men: please be honest because I want to know the truth before I think any further about the possibility of opening my life up to another man.
Thanks in advance for your honest and thoughtful answers.
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Old 04-22-2014, 10:56 PM
 
Location: Idaho
4,627 posts, read 4,468,721 times
Reputation: 9050
Your "brother's" father-in-law is a selfish, egotistical twit. No. We men do not make fun of a woman's body, most of us anyway. I also am 62 and personally, if I were not attracted to a woman, I wouldn't even want to be with her. Simple as that. Unlike your "brother's" father-in-law, I would never be disrespectful of someone with whom I am physically, or emotionally, intimate. That's just wrong. Why would a man be with a woman he cannot respect? To do so is the height of selfishness. It sounds like he was only thinking of himself and how many "conquests" he can rack up.

Surely, you will not hop into bed with someone you've just met. Get to know him first. Discover if he is a "gentleman" first. I am reminded of something that Dr. Dobson once said, and it has stuck with me ever since. He says that a woman will only have sex with a man once she is emotionally intimate and close to him, whereas a man will have sex with a woman so that he can feel close and emotionally intimate with her.

If that is true, no wonder we are from Mars and you "guys" are from Venus. We have sex so we can feel close to you, and you have sex only after you feel close to us. Mixed up, huh?
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Old 04-23-2014, 03:09 AM
 
Location: Florida
19,801 posts, read 19,905,205 times
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I certainly wouldn't take the actions and attitudes of one man as representative of how every man is but....there are men who have sex just to have sex. The same applies to some women.
There are others who won't even consider it unless there is more of a commitment involved.
That is true regardless of age and choosing who you will be intimate with depends on what you think the connection between sex and a relationship is.
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Old 04-23-2014, 03:33 AM
 
Location: Wildside of Oahu
1,412 posts, read 2,784,173 times
Reputation: 2433
I can't add anything to what the above posters said, but I will say that "Sex and the single retiree" would make an awesome book title! You could be on Dr. PHIL!
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Old 04-23-2014, 03:54 AM
 
9 posts, read 14,337 times
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Default It's the personality

The first thing I consider is her face and personality and I don't care what the body looks like. She should be smart, funny and just love to have fun and travel a little.
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Old 04-23-2014, 03:55 AM
 
71,592 posts, read 71,751,865 times
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but can she cook???????????? lol
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Old 04-23-2014, 05:31 AM
 
Location: The Triad (NC)
28,499 posts, read 62,182,463 times
Reputation: 32182
Quote:
Originally Posted by MagnoliaThunder View Post
So, men: please be honest because I want to know the truth before I think any further
about the possibility of opening my life up to another man.
At this level you should have no serious issues.

The people would meet in the course of the more casual, serial sexual escapades
and such, are another matter and I suspect the sort you're hearing stories about.
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Old 04-23-2014, 06:08 AM
 
1,577 posts, read 2,202,856 times
Reputation: 2762
Quote:
Originally Posted by MrRational View Post
At this level you should have no serious issues.

The people would meet in the course of the more casual, serial sexual escapades
and such, are another matter and I suspect the sort you're hearing stories about.
This ...

OP: Take your time to get to know the person ... it usually doesn't take long to figure out where they're coming from.
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Old 04-23-2014, 06:29 AM
 
Location: Whereever we have our RV parked
8,787 posts, read 7,707,284 times
Reputation: 15080
Let's put it this way. If a man is dating a 62 year old woman, when she takes her clothes off, she'll also look 62 as will he. The guy who was making fun of the older women was a jerk, and someone should have asked him if he'd seen a mirror lately. I hope you enjoy yourself, but it may not turn out the way you expect. My wife works with several single women in your age group and younger and its not like a Hollywood movie. One of her co-workers is 58 and next month will get married, to man who is 76 and has a bad ticker. My neighbor, who is 61ish just drove off on a date yesterday. The man looked 70-75. She did have a boyfriend for awhile 6 months ago. He walked with a severe limp and looked to be in the same age category.
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Old 04-23-2014, 07:58 AM
 
Location: delaware
688 posts, read 864,694 times
Reputation: 2367
i was widowed at 59, after 36 years of marriage to my childhood sweetheart. i can understand your concerns and hesitation, but i think if you're interested in having another relationship. you can over think all of the problems, pitfalls, etc. that can happen. i think you need to begin- put yourself out there, involve yourself in organizations, social situations where you might meet potential partners. consider trying the internet.

after my husband's death, i dated several men, and early on, it became obvious to me they would not be what i was looking for in a serious relationship. however, dating again did serve to make me feel more comfortable in that kind of setting, and provided me with more perspective about what i would be realistically seeking in a possible long term relationship.

when i met the man who has been tmy significant other for 11+ years, it was obvious to me from the beginning that we were compatible on several levels. most importantly, he was willing to share with me his own concerns about a serious relationship; and that willingness to be vulnerable with each other made physical intimacy much easier and much more satisfying.

there are some good men out there, but it does take persistence and a willingness to be honest with each other about expectations and concerns, to make the relationship work.

catsy girl
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