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Old 04-29-2014, 09:32 PM
 
1,316 posts, read 1,182,083 times
Reputation: 1932

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Hefe View Post
Hey... it made me laugh! Maybe 'cos I'm a NYawker too & get that style of humor? In the end we all end up as schmucks on that bench whether we were CEOs or janitors. After all Miami was known as "God's waiting room" in Jackies day.

Some tremendous food for thought here, something to take-away from almost every post, glad I asked. I think some semblance in the days' structure is the first order of business in order to stop "drifting". Several things I wouldn't have thought much about really, always helps to get a fresh perspective. Thanks!
Glad you got a laugh out of my post...I say laughter is good medicine, much better than Prozac...I listen to old Mason, Dangerfield, and Mort Sahl tapes when I get a little down...It works for me...

I also got the golden handshake about 25 years ago after about 25 years of toil in the corporate world.....and like you I was drifting for a few months in a funk......Then I called an old friend in Maui who just purchased a 41 foot Ketch.... He invited me over to Hawaii and consequently He and I went sailing around the Islands for 3 months and then we and a girl crew sailed over to San Diego...(I funded the trip).....
After that adventure, I just stayed busy by packing up the car and going to visit old friends and siblings around the Country...Those trips gave me alot of perspective.....I'm a bit of an athlete so now I am constantly active in outdoor activities and volunteer work at my summer and winter home locales....no sitting on park benches and feeding those filthy pigeons for me...Maintaining good health and striving to have a high quality of life is my full time job now...

Being a single guy like me will give you alot of latitude for trying different adventures if you have the financial resources......even going back to the rat race and the cubicle if you choose...anyhow, you have the world by the short hairs so I suggest you go and find your Shan-gri-la..
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Old 04-29-2014, 10:55 PM
 
Location: NYC
2,896 posts, read 1,580,961 times
Reputation: 7908
Yeah.. I know what you are saying. My girlfriend said "now that you are retired I'd like to go somewhere I've never been before."
I said "How about the kitchen?"

Bada boom!

Couldn't resist, apologies to Henny.
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Old 04-30-2014, 12:40 AM
 
Location: Silicon Valley
18,081 posts, read 22,914,959 times
Reputation: 35192
Basically you're on vacation and there's no such thing as a rut when you're on vacation :-)

I also got a dog, and I live in an apt bldg with no balcony, yard, etc., and she is not about to use potty pads (I tried to cheat and see if she'd use them and she said no way, no how - I rescued a 5 year-old-ish 25 pound rat terrier).

If I didn't have the dog, I'd stay in my apt in my pajamas for days on end, probably. With the dog, I have to make some effort at dressing in normal clothes at least, and go outside. This happens after my first cup of coffee, which my dog allows me to do, as she's not a morning dog, and before breakfast. It's amazing how you feel ready for the day if you just get dressed and go outside for a few minutes.

I give myself permission to not have major agendas. I just retired in November. But, I have taken my dog to some training, which I really enjoyed, I take her to the dog park where I can chat with people, and I'm slowly looking into clubs and groups and volunteer opportunities that sound interesting - like getting training for my dog and I to do therapy work (where dogs visit people in hospitals, etc.).

I also moved to a new area, and I've been slowly exploring different places to get to the river (Sacramento River runs through town), parks, etc., where I can take the dog.

So, basically, I think it would be helpful if you could give yourself permission to just be lazy for awhile. And take your time finding some new stuff to do.

I went and visited one dog group in town, and the leader of that group in town is someone I quickly decided I'd not want to spend time around lol! So, I'm slowly venturing out to try new things and not committing, till something feels right.

But, I'm also having no problem and no guilt whatsoever in being on "vacation" lol! So, I don't have your angst. I do know from experience with depression, though, that getting dressed and going out every morning will make a gigantic change in how you feel that day. Even if you just get dressed and go to a coffee shop and read the paper. You will be amazed at how that little change will improve how you feel.

I hope you figure out how to enjoy your freedom, soon. It's a lovely thing. And you obviously deserve it.
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Old 04-30-2014, 02:16 AM
 
34,355 posts, read 41,427,648 times
Reputation: 29841
When i retired about 7 years ago i thought i'd get a partime job to pass the time problem was after 2 years and 60 job applications not a single call back so i've given up on that, the wife and i travel a bit but its kinda expensive and she still works so coinciding a plan can be tough, was into motorbikes and sportscars but got tired of endlessly driving the same roads over and over alone same deal with fishing.
Remaining somewhat relevant once into retirement is a lot harder than i thought, seems the less you do the less you want to do, then the declining health issues start.
Some people adapt well to retirement, others like me conclude that retirement sucks.
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Old 04-30-2014, 03:15 AM
 
Location: Tucson for awhile longer
8,872 posts, read 13,541,035 times
Reputation: 29032
I didn't exactly retire on purpose; my full-time employment left me earlier than anticipated when my company was broken up and sold off to other concerns (mostly overseas). It was a serious adjustment after working for 18 years at a high-stress position where I traveled a lot.

I tell recent retirees the same thing I tell people who move to locations where they have to start anew. If you get up in the morning without a plan to get out of the house and see other people, it's a big mistake. In no time at all, you'll get used to that and it will seem like an intrusion when people want to interact with you. Therein lies the path to depression.

I've learned to make firm plans to do a minimum of three things a week that involve going somewhere, seeing people, and accomplishing something interesting. It can be volunteer work, a social event like accepting a party invitation or organizing dinner with a group, visiting a tourist attraction, going to a concert or play, joining a club that has regular meetings, doing a major shopping excursion, taking a class, getting involved with a sport or a gym. Try new things. Don't make these same-every-week rituals. Mix it up. If you try something you hate, quit. Your retirement is about you, not your family, not your employer.

There are endless numbers of places of every possible style and subject that need volunteers. Start something while you have your wits and physical abilities intact. You'll be able to contribute a lot. Heathcare, childcare, animal care facilities. Schools, libraries, museums, churches. Public gardens and parks. Political parties and candidates. I don't know about anyone else, but it's shocking to me how much better I feel about myself when I know someone else depends on me. When we worked, most of us had visible accomplishments for which we received recognition and satisfaction, in addition to our pay. When we retire the salary isn't the only thing that disappears. I learned I had to replace those things.

Here are some volunteer activities that have brought satisfaction to myself and some of my friends: Dog walker and groomer at an animal shelter. Teacher's aid in a grade school. Organizer of a Friends of the Library group. Tutor for adults with literacy issues. Tutor for people learning English as a second language. Reader on a radio station for the blind. Producer and host of an arts-oriented show on a public radio station. Teacher in an adult ed program. Museum docent. Part-time office manager for an art gallery curator. Founder and manager of a community vegetable garden. Baby-rocker in a hospital preemie unit. Campaign manager for a city council candidate. Special events coordinator for a political party. Project manager for a church. Tax preparer for the elderly.

And when you want something that is more fun than work, check out Find your people - Meetup for your area.

I think every retiree should keep a calendar, either on their computer or in an attractive desk appointment book, that has three or more engagements on it each week that aren't doctor's appointments or the birthdays of your grandchildren. If you do that, OP and jambo101, retirement won't suck. You'll feel useful, engaged with your surroundings, and satisfied.

Last edited by Jukesgrrl; 04-30-2014 at 03:34 AM..
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Old 04-30-2014, 03:17 AM
 
Location: Maine's garden spot
3,162 posts, read 5,691,637 times
Reputation: 3286
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hefe View Post
First off let me say that I am not looking for sympathy or am whining or anything like that. I am grateful to be where I am & healthy & am thankful. I'm hoping some good folks out there may have gone through where I am now & I am looking for suggestions for concrete steps forward.

I was recently offered a buyout at work & accepted it at the last minute & 3 weeks later I was out, that was 12/31. I had been intending to work FT another 2-3 years (I turned 62 in January) but when I did the math I saw I would have 7 1/4 -7 1/2 X annual earnings in savings once I paid off the mortgage, then I knew I would feel like an idiot if I didn't take it.

Thing is I've been a bit of a worker bee the last 10 years & let personal relationships & outside interests slide (I'm single). I figured I would give myself a month or 2 off, take care of my finances & maybe start picking up some part-time work then. Well, I looked out my window most of the last 4 months & saw this awful weather & not see any reason to push myself like I have for the last 33 years.

Long story short: I wasn't prepared for full-time free time & I'm not so motivated now to jump back to the cubicle farm even for a temp basis & I find myself sitting around wasting time, gaining weight, staying up late & somewhat isolated (I live in a typical urban apartment situation). I kind of know what I have to do but it is the "how to" that I can't get to yet: nutritious meals, exercise, social interaction, professional engagement.

It's just a major transition point that came abruptly without warning & I find myself on the other side now looking to get going but feeling in a rut.

Thanks for listening.


If you'd like, you can mow my lawn. I've got a good mower that I'll let you use.
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Old 04-30-2014, 04:51 AM
 
Location: Los Angeles area
14,018 posts, read 17,723,738 times
Reputation: 32304
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jukesgrrl View Post
......... I don't know about anyone else, but it's shocking to me how much better I feel about myself when I know someone else depends on me. When we worked, most of us had visible accomplishments for which we received recognition and satisfaction, in addition to our pay. When we retire the salary isn't the only thing that disappears. I learned I had to replace those things......
What a great way to put it. You have summed up succinctly why it is so many people feel a void, a sort of malaise, in retirement.

My experience has been the same as yours, namely that having something specific to do that we can look forward to is a wonderful thing.
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Old 04-30-2014, 05:06 AM
 
Location: Los Angeles area
14,018 posts, read 17,723,738 times
Reputation: 32304
Quote:
Originally Posted by NoMoreSnowForMe View Post
Basically you're on vacation and there's no such thing as a rut when you're on vacation :-)

So, basically, I think it would be helpful if you could give yourself permission to just be lazy for awhile. And take your time finding some new stuff to do.
.
Indeed, some hyper-active type A people can profit by giving themselves "permission to just be lazy for a while". They need to learn to just relax.

However, I disagree with the first sentence of your post. There is absolutely such a thing as a rut, especially inasmuch as retirement, unlike a vacation, has no end point. People who are in a rut know it, they can sense it and feel it, and there is a vague dissatisfaction that comes with it. We humans were not designed by evolution to just vegetate, either mentally or physically. We go downhill, both mentally and physically, if we allow ourselves to vegetate.
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Old 04-30-2014, 06:31 AM
 
Location: Whereever we have our RV parked
8,761 posts, read 7,689,871 times
Reputation: 14963
I still remember the first time retirement didn't sound like so much fun. I discovered that, at a local golf course I visited from time to time, that they had a group of retired men that played golf together every day, five days a week in the morning, and then cards together every afternoon after that. That kind of sounds like I rut. I'm sure those men had fun, but it sure sounds boring to me, just like it did back then.
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Old 04-30-2014, 09:32 AM
 
Location: Mt. Lebanon
1,844 posts, read 1,942,076 times
Reputation: 1899
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hefe View Post
First off let me say that I am not looking for sympathy or am whining or anything like that. I am grateful to be where I am & healthy & am thankful. I'm hoping some good folks out there may have gone through where I am now & I am looking for suggestions for concrete steps forward.

I was recently offered a buyout at work & accepted it at the last minute & 3 weeks later I was out, that was 12/31. I had been intending to work FT another 2-3 years (I turned 62 in January) but when I did the math I saw I would have 7 1/4 -7 1/2 X annual earnings in savings once I paid off the mortgage, then I knew I would feel like an idiot if I didn't take it.

Thing is I've been a bit of a worker bee the last 10 years & let personal relationships & outside interests slide (I'm single). I figured I would give myself a month or 2 off, take care of my finances & maybe start picking up some part-time work then. Well, I looked out my window most of the last 4 months & saw this awful weather & not see any reason to push myself like I have for the last 33 years.

Long story short: I wasn't prepared for full-time free time & I'm not so motivated now to jump back to the cubicle farm even for a temp basis & I find myself sitting around wasting time, gaining weight, staying up late & somewhat isolated (I live in a typical urban apartment situation). I kind of know what I have to do but it is the "how to" that I can't get to yet: nutritious meals, exercise, social interaction, professional engagement.

It's just a major transition point that came abruptly without warning & I find myself on the other side now looking to get going but feeling in a rut.

Thanks for listening.
Take up dance lessons: this way you'll get out of the house, meet people, make friends, exercise, go to people's parties and it's fun. And to tell you a secret, women love men who can dance.
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