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My story is one that is typical of so many retirees, moved, lost a spouse, left a very rewarding but difficult job that I came to dislike intensely. Living the single life as a 62 year old was very daunting at first, I didn't know too many people in my new surroundings, it was a small town in the NW with lots of foul winter days to keep you penned up inside, I thought, once I saw how free I was the weather and the small town couldn't really hold me any longer. I took up an old hobby of photography and never looked back, traveling anywhere i wanted to go, speaking with tons of new found aquaintances about my travels and pics, finally meeting a very wonderful lady who shared my enthusiasm for travel AND photography and living the good life now.
GET OUT, JUST GO, DO, TALK, SEE, WALK, EAT, and live, just live the life that time has afforded you. Go to a coffee shop on a regular basis, be friendly, and be comfortable with your own company, as well as the company of others, accept ALL social invitations and MAKE your OWN social invitations to others, go to school, just sit back and enjoy your life. We all know how this movie ends, take a walk through a graveyard periodically, I did and it was really cathartic for me to realize that most if not all those in the ground had dreams unrealized, I knew if I didn't get up and out I might not ever have the life I always wanted.....
It has to do with the thread title. If you spend your time sitting on a park bench feeding pigeons, then you are in a rut big time. The point of almost every post in this thread is that we can do better than that - there are interesting and worthwhile things to do out there.
Quote:
Originally Posted by TwoByFour
Retiring is not for the faint of heart, that is one thing I have discovered.
It was a huge shock to my wife, and it is for me also (only 2 months into it). We all know we can travel, volunteer, do hobbies, etc, but still it is just a very different mind set especially if you were in a work role that was demanding with a lot of responsibility. It is a shock to get up in the morning and not be solving a million problems at work.
You will get your bearings and find a new life outside of work. It just takes time, apparently.
Hold on a minute.....these are very subjective opinions & generalizations that do not apply to everyone.
Just because someone may feel that sitting on a park bench feeding pigeons is a waste of time, others may feel that fishing, golfing, bowling, etc. is a waste of time. Also, it comes off as very high minded to say that "we can do better than that - there are interesting and worthwhile things to do out there"....as if you are the decider of what is worth doing. Perhaps these people at the park are relaxing after a lifetime of stress and labor and just want to people watch, converse,"sit back and smell the roses", etc......who are you to judge that it is not worthwhile or interesting?
Also, the second comment about being in a role that was demanding w/responsibility & a shock to not be solving problems at work.....Although I get that TwoByFour was mostly referring to himself, this type of thinking is also very subjective.....Some want nothing more than to retire FROM what he missed and the associated stress.
My point is the whole different strokes thing......some people by nature are introverts who enjoy quiet time alone and don't need to be constantly "doing something".....if that doesn't float your boat than so be it but it might be just fine for them. To judge them as "being in a rut" without knowing how they feel about is pompous and narrow-minded.
Hold on a minute.....these are very subjective opinions & generalizations that do not apply to everyone.
Just because someone may feel that sitting on a park bench feeding pigeons is a waste of time, others may feel that fishing, golfing, bowling, etc. is a waste of time. Also, it comes off as very high minded to say that "we can do better than that - there are interesting and worthwhile things to do out there"....as if you are the decider of what is worth doing. Perhaps these people at the park are relaxing after a lifetime of stress and labor and just want to people watch, converse,"sit back and smell the roses", etc......who are you to judge that it is not worthwhile or interesting?
My point is the whole different strokes thing......some people by nature are introverts who enjoy quiet time alone and don't need to be constantly "doing something".....if that doesn't float your boat than so be it but it might be just fine for them. To judge them as "being in a rut" without knowing how they feel about is pompous and narrow-minded.
Gee, I'm glad someone is here to defend those who spend their daylight hours sitting on park benches feeding pigeons. If that doesn't describe a rut then there is no such thing as a rut. That vital intellectual stimulation - I suppose they're collecting data on which pigeons are dominant and get more food than other pigeons - is just the ticket to ward off the various forms of dementia and mental decline.
Besides, if you go back and re-read the original post for this thread, you will note that the OP feels like he is in a rut and he doesn't like it. Therefore he asks for suggestions from others as to how to light a fire under himself. Most of the respondents have been on-topic.
Last edited by Escort Rider; 05-02-2014 at 12:10 AM..
Escort Rider, I think you and luckyram both make very good points. Not all of us need to be going and doing all the time. I am one of those introverted types who is happily retired from a job that was extremely high-stress and time-sensitive. The last thing I want is to take on new responsibilities and live on a schedule again. I love being able to come and go as I please, lose myself in a book, take a nap in the middle of the day or do nothing at all if that's what I feel like.
But the OP sees himself as a "worker bee" and is clearly unhappy with not having a structured life with activities that make him feel that his life has meaning. What worked for me won't work for him. I hope that he finds a class to take, a new hobby, fulfilling volunteer work or a young person to mentor. The joy of being retired is that no one can tell you what the "right" way to do it is, you get to decide for yourself. OP just needs a little guidance to discover what works for him.
Due to circumstance the OP is trying to build his retirement life plane in flight. With time and his decision making skills it will be designed. We all have personal experiences about ourselves. Making suggestions from our experiences is probably most helpful. Not so sure about value judgements on others.
Thanks for all the thoughtful comments, much appreciated. I think this poster really nailed where I am right now:
I didn't expect I would react to this with so much annui, but I hardly had time to think before I went from 60 to 5 mph. I think the idea of structure is the key perhaps to stop drifting, as much as I hate to acknowledge this
I think travel will come in the future. I had actually thought I would move overseas for the longest time & that is still a possibility, but I have a parent who is old & I feel I should hang around a bit longer. It is the first steps in some positive direction that I need to take. I like that idea of setting my own very specific schedule, perhaps that would be a transition phase from following a previously assigned work schedule.
Setting a schedule is important for retirees, IMO. I decided that we would get up at 7 am, and that is what we do. We go to the gym twice a week. We attend church on Sundays and we pick up a grandchild one day a week. So we know what our obligations are.
I suggest getting up at the same time every morning. I suggest going for exercise at least twice a week. Or, walking the dog daily. (You might want to get a dog now.) Find things to hang your week around. Then, find another activity that you enjoy, like a volunteer job, or taking a class, or joining a photography group.
That other thing is what hangs me up right now. I used to volunteer, but in my new city I haven't really found a volunteer job I want to do. Or a class to take.
At any rate, I think it helps to have a schedule. Treat yourself occasionally too.
I suggest getting up at the same time every morning.
I have learned this so many times over the years. It should be obvious, but it isn't. Watching the sunrise has always had a good effect on me and the family.
I have learned this so many times over the years. It should be obvious, but it isn't. Watching the sunrise has always had a good effect on me and the family.
I feel that it is best to have at least one set thing in the schedule every day. And when I have to get up earlier, I hate it!
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