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Old 05-16-2014, 06:07 AM
 
Location: Ponte Vedra Beach FL
14,628 posts, read 17,938,980 times
Reputation: 6716

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Quote:
Originally Posted by jean_ji View Post
So sensible and so easy to say.

I have a similar situation with my parents..
I hear you. Our parents were/are a variation on your theme. The bottom line being they pretty much did what they wanted to do until there was a huge being rousted out of bed in the middle of the night emergency. As far as home maintenance issues went - they let them slide. Not because of lack of money or mental abilities - but because they simply didn't want to spend the $$$.* One reason we're doing all these home improvement projects now is we don't want to let our house slide into a state of disrepair in our 70's (which is what our parents did).

I read these advice columns about how we should all deal with our elderly parents and wonder whether the people who write these columns have actually ever dealt with elderly parents ? Robyn

*Guess we are luckier than some children because we pretty much knew what was going on with our parents' finances for a pretty long time. We knew what they could and couldn't afford. It must be super frustrating seeing parents act in a particular way and not knowing whether or not they're acting that way as a result of their financial situation.

Last edited by Robyn55; 05-16-2014 at 06:17 AM..
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Old 05-16-2014, 06:26 AM
 
Location: Near a river
16,042 posts, read 18,985,208 times
Reputation: 15649
This being a thread supposedly about grass and weeds, I thought I'd take a minute to relate this.

The yard around the big New England style house across the street from me has looked a little forlorn - not really bad, but not really great. In the past few weeks the grass has gotten much higher than normal.

Yesterday I spotted a neighbor with his lawnmower going around the same house and then detailing it with a trimmer. I stopped over and said hi, asking about the occupant I've never seen. He said she's quite elderly and ill, was moved to a nursing home and may never return.

I asked about lawn service while the property gets dealt with. The neighbor said even though she could probably pay for it, she'd been a good neighbor, raising her family there and often helping out others in the neighborhood in various ways. It only takes a half hour to do this, he said. I'm happy to do it, and it adds to my exercise. And if she comes back even to get a few things, please don't tell her.
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Old 05-16-2014, 06:31 AM
 
Location: Florida
19,825 posts, read 19,916,125 times
Reputation: 23231
Quote:
Originally Posted by newenglandgirl View Post
This being a thread supposedly about grass and weeds,
.
Goes to show how badly this thread has morphed

That is a nice story, though.
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Old 05-16-2014, 08:27 AM
 
Location: Ponte Vedra Beach FL
14,628 posts, read 17,938,980 times
Reputation: 6716
Quote:
Originally Posted by newenglandgirl View Post
This being a thread supposedly about grass and weeds, I thought I'd take a minute to relate this.

The yard around the big New England style house across the street from me has looked a little forlorn - not really bad, but not really great. In the past few weeks the grass has gotten much higher than normal.

Yesterday I spotted a neighbor with his lawnmower going around the same house and then detailing it with a trimmer. I stopped over and said hi, asking about the occupant I've never seen. He said she's quite elderly and ill, was moved to a nursing home and may never return.

I asked about lawn service while the property gets dealt with. The neighbor said even though she could probably pay for it, she'd been a good neighbor, raising her family there and often helping out others in the neighborhood in various ways. It only takes a half hour to do this, he said. I'm happy to do it, and it adds to my exercise. And if she comes back even to get a few things, please don't tell her.
I have perhaps the strangest story. Our next door neighbor is - like I said - no Martha Stewart (his property is - in terms of our neighborhood standards - almost an eyesore). To our surprise - a lawn service showed up yesterday to clean things up. We found out the wife's brother paid for the lawn service to come out (unfortunately only on a one time basis). Note that these people - to the best of my knowledge - don't have financial problems. Physical problems either (they're not young - but not that old either - I'd say about 50 or so). It's just that their standards in terms of yard maintenance are very different than those of most people who live here.

FWIW - I thought this thread was about older homeowners in general - not just older homeowners and their grass and weeds. Robyn
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Old 05-16-2014, 09:16 AM
 
Location: too far from the sea
19,849 posts, read 18,874,270 times
Reputation: 33760
Quote:
Originally Posted by newenglandgirl View Post
This being a thread supposedly about grass and weeds, I thought I'd take a minute to relate this.

The yard around the big New England style house across the street from me has looked a little forlorn - not really bad, but not really great. In the past few weeks the grass has gotten much higher than normal.

Yesterday I spotted a neighbor with his lawnmower going around the same house and then detailing it with a trimmer. I stopped over and said hi, asking about the occupant I've never seen. He said she's quite elderly and ill, was moved to a nursing home and may never return.

I asked about lawn service while the property gets dealt with. The neighbor said even though she could probably pay for it, she'd been a good neighbor, raising her family there and often helping out others in the neighborhood in various ways. It only takes a half hour to do this, he said. I'm happy to do it, and it adds to my exercise. And if she comes back even to get a few things, please don't tell her.
Perfect example. That's what happens.

You don't need a group of people to decide who gets help, people just give help. We don't need HOAs for anything. If this sort of thing is rare outside of New England (and it can't be) it almost makes me reluctant to ever leave New England. Not that I'll ever have another lawn to care for--got rid of that already--but the neighborly attitude that you find here.
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Old 05-16-2014, 03:56 PM
 
Location: Ponte Vedra Beach FL
14,628 posts, read 17,938,980 times
Reputation: 6716
Quote:
Originally Posted by in_newengland View Post
Perfect example. That's what happens.

You don't need a group of people to decide who gets help, people just give help. We don't need HOAs for anything. If this sort of thing is rare outside of New England (and it can't be) it almost makes me reluctant to ever leave New England. Not that I'll ever have another lawn to care for--got rid of that already--but the neighborly attitude that you find here.
I really don't understand the neighborly thing. NEG said she didn't even know the person who lived across the street from her - or that she was elderly - or that she was sick and not living in her house. OTOH - I don't know how long she's lived in her current place. On the third hand - I know all of my immediate neighbors - even if they've only been here for < a year. May not like them - or socialize with them (the newer ones are much younger than I am) - but I pretty much know what's going on with them (I'm part of a very efficient neighbor gossip group ). IOW - I wouldn't get on my high horse when it comes to New England as opposed to other parts of the country. Robyn
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Old 05-16-2014, 04:48 PM
 
Location: too far from the sea
19,849 posts, read 18,874,270 times
Reputation: 33760
Quote:
Originally Posted by Robyn55 View Post
I really don't understand the neighborly thing. NEG said she didn't even know the person who lived across the street from her - or that she was elderly - or that she was sick and not living in her house. OTOH - I don't know how long she's lived in her current place. On the third hand - I know all of my immediate neighbors - even if they've only been here for < a year. May not like them - or socialize with them (the newer ones are much younger than I am) - but I pretty much know what's going on with them (I'm part of a very efficient neighbor gossip group ). IOW - I wouldn't get on my high horse when it comes to New England as opposed to other parts of the country. Robyn
No high horse concerning New England, just that at least that's a story of genuine caring in an established neighborhood. I know of the town where NEG lives although I haven't been there in many years. It's quiet and sort of old fashioned in a nice way. In contrast with what I read about HOAs where there have to be rules for people to help anyone or for people to take care of their property, it seems like a refreshing difference.

There have been some nice stories on here of HOAs too, where the people make new residents feel welcome and they care for someone when the spouse dies. You just seem to hear a lot more negatives about HOAs. I've only lived in towns, not HOAs and I know the town format seems to work pretty well.
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Old 05-19-2014, 10:12 AM
 
12,126 posts, read 6,700,157 times
Reputation: 12977
What is wrong with the idea of contacting an organization that volunteers to assist the elderly with household maintenance? They exist for that reason. My old church did that and we did do some nice houses. There was a waiting list though and we couldn't get to everyone right away, but we didn't refuse anyone because they had a nice house or car.

Why not lend a lawnmower to the single mother with the broken mower so she can mow her lawn and be in compliance?
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Old 05-19-2014, 10:26 AM
 
12,126 posts, read 6,700,157 times
Reputation: 12977
Quote:
Originally Posted by creepy View Post
The elderly couple had kids that one of which is a Doctor. It just seemed odd to me that 4 professional kids of the the couple called Meals on Wheels to provide for their parents. I have half the money of a Doc and no siblings now and I feel I can help my parents with food. If I lost my job or they lost a lot of money I would ask Meals on Wheels for help.

I do think it is abusive to a system if able bodied people get a free lawn mowing if they own a lawn mower and can do it themselves. I mean if they contact a group to do it and they really don't need it.

However I can see a circumstance where a able bodied young couple might need a "red tent" to help them during a family emergency that might include lawn mowing or meal drops from a church or a group.

I am just against abuses of systems. At one point we were on WIC and we appreciated that. I had just given birth and both me and my husband got layed off. As soon as I got a job and he did too we stopped using the coupons. If we had been truly dire we would have used the last set but I felt that others were worse off and so I did not use the last set of coupons but threw them away leaving the money in the system for those who need it.

I am not hard hearted, just very fair minded and pragmatic.
The Meals on Wheels are fully prepared hot meals. We could buy our parents all the food in the world but they just stopped being able to prepare it and would forget to eat at all if is wasn't for Meals on Wheels. They did pay for it through a weekly donation. The service would only deliver to elderly people who lived alone/without a caregiver. That one service kept them living more or less independently for longer than they would have. We donated generously to MOW and still do.
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Old 05-19-2014, 01:05 PM
 
14,261 posts, read 24,004,620 times
Reputation: 20084
Quote:
Originally Posted by tamajane View Post
What is wrong with the idea of contacting an organization that volunteers to assist the elderly with household maintenance? They exist for that reason. My old church did that and we did do some nice houses. There was a waiting list though and we couldn't get to everyone right away, but we didn't refuse anyone because they had a nice house or car.
When my grandfather was in his 70s and my brother and I were in our teens, we started a small business. My grandfather lived in an upscale neighborhood that was full of elderly widows.

My grandfather would price the jobs based on the ability to pay. He would do most of the freebies for the widows who could not afford it. He would steer the two of us to the more wealthy widows. They were very happy to have reliable people mow their grass and shovel their snow. My grandfather, a retired florist, was a taskmaster. He would make sure that we were well paid BUT we had to do an excellent job. The guy had eagle eye's and could see ANYTHING we did wrong.

I have no problem paying people to come and work for me as long as they show up and do the agreed upon tasks. It is a GREAT way to help high school kids save for college and it relieves me of having to do a lot of lifting and stooping.
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