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Old 05-10-2014, 08:14 PM
 
Location: Smithville, TX
553 posts, read 793,724 times
Reputation: 501

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You can retire to Phoenix , Arizona where...
1. You are willing to park 3 blocks away from your house because you found shade.
2. You've experienced condensation on your hiney from the hot water in the toilet bowl.
3. You can drive for 4 hours in one direction and never leave town.
4. You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food.
5. You know that "dry heat" is comparable to what hits you in the face when you open your oven door.
6. The 4 seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME??

OR
You can retire to California where...
1. You make over $450,000 and you still can't afford to buy a house.
2. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.
3. You know how to eat an artichoke.
4. You drive your rented Mercedes to your neighborhood block party.
5. When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is.
6. The 4 seasons are: Fire, Flood, Mud, and Drought

OR
You can retire to New York City where...
1. You say "the city" and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan ...
2. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can't find Wisconsin on a map.
3. You think Central Park is "nature."
4. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multi-lingual.
5. You've worn out a car horn. ( IF you have a car).
6. You think eye contact is an act of aggression.
OR
You can retire to North Dakota where...
1. You only have three spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup ..
2. Halloween costumes have to fit over parkas.
3. You have seventeen recipes for casserole.
4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.
5. The four seasons are: almost winter, winter, still winter, and
road repair.

6. The highest level of criticism is "He is different, she is different or It was different!


OR
You can retire to the Deep South where...
1. You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.
2. "Y'all" is singular and "all y'all" is plural.
3. "He needed killin" is a valid defense.
4. Everyone has 2 first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Joe Bob, Betty Jean, Mary Beth, etc etc.
5. Everywhere is either "in yonder," "over yonder" or "out yonde"..
OR
You can retire to Colorado where...
1. You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.
2. You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home and so he stops at the day care center.
3. A pass does not involve a football or dating.
4. The top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail.
OR
You can retire to the Nebraska where...
1. You've never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name.
2. Your idea of a traffic jam is three cars waiting to pass a tractor.
3. You have had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" on the same day.
4. You end sentences with a preposition: "Where's my coat at.

OR
FINALLY You can retire to Florida where...
1. You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon.
2. All purchases include a coupon of some kind -- even houses and cars.
3. Everyone can recommend an excellent cardiologist, dermatologist, proctologist, podiatrist, or orthopedist.
4. Road construction never ends anywhere in the state.
5. Cars in front of you often appear to be driven by headless people.

Forwarded from friend.
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Old 05-10-2014, 08:18 PM
 
Location: San Francisco
16,412 posts, read 5,348,147 times
Reputation: 51296
Funny stuff. Thanks, Rust!
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Old 05-10-2014, 08:32 PM
 
10,812 posts, read 8,054,817 times
Reputation: 17010
Love it!
I see you're a fellow Texan, what about us?
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Old 05-10-2014, 10:06 PM
 
Location: too far from the sea
19,821 posts, read 18,826,487 times
Reputation: 33710
Oh, that was funny. Thanks.
__________________
my posts as moderator will be in red. Moderator: Health&Wellness~Genealogy. The Rules--read here>>> TOS. If someone attacks you, do not reply. Hit REPORT.
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Old 05-11-2014, 12:49 AM
 
151 posts, read 173,566 times
Reputation: 167
Or, you can retire in a state, where
- utilities, home and car insurance are generally cheaper than TX
- property taxes are 1/3 of TX
- the sole state income tax is approx 6% on income interest from bonds and stock dividends, and nothing for retired couples with < $59K income
- there is no drought, the rivers flow strong and the many impoundments are full
- the terrain is highly varied, from flat in the west to a mountain range in the east
- there is comparatively little traffic congestion
- highways are well kept and well planned
- two major interstate highways, north/south and east/west converge
- there are four distinguishable seasons
- temps range from about 20 to 95 F
- there exists a medical research hospital and university
- the capital is a Google tech hub
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Old 05-11-2014, 02:24 AM
 
Location: Florida
19,775 posts, read 19,875,860 times
Reputation: 23194
That was a funny way to start my Sunday, Rust.
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Old 05-11-2014, 03:57 AM
 
Location: Smithville, TX
553 posts, read 793,724 times
Reputation: 501
Quote:
Originally Posted by biscuitmom View Post
Love it!
I see you're a fellow Texan, what about us?
The down side of retiring in Texas is it takes all the meaning out of weekends.


sigh. . .
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Old 05-11-2014, 06:45 AM
 
Location: NC
6,543 posts, read 7,956,796 times
Reputation: 13440
Loved this! And I would dare say it is all accurate.
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Old 05-11-2014, 08:16 AM
 
Location: Delray Beach
1,136 posts, read 1,438,465 times
Reputation: 2510
Oh yeah, i've been to almost all those places, lived in a few, and it is TRUTH posing as humor!

Thanks.
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Old 05-14-2014, 07:29 AM
 
Location: Loudon, TN
5,768 posts, read 4,822,990 times
Reputation: 19387
Quote:
Originally Posted by JoeSiczpak View Post
Or, you can retire in a state, where
- utilities, home and car insurance are generally cheaper than TX
- property taxes are 1/3 of TX
- the sole state income tax is approx 6% on income interest from bonds and stock dividends, and nothing for retired couples with < $59K income
- there is no drought, the rivers flow strong and the many impoundments are full
- the terrain is highly varied, from flat in the west to a mountain range in the east
- there is comparatively little traffic congestion
- highways are well kept and well planned
- two major interstate highways, north/south and east/west converge
- there are four distinguishable seasons
- temps range from about 20 to 95 F
- there exists a medical research hospital and university
- the capital is a Google tech hub
Oh yeah! Life is better in Tennessee!
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