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Old 06-03-2014, 03:32 AM
 
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the answer is most folks are struggling raising a family today financially and i think it is unfair to add the additional burdon of supporting someone else who planned badly for their own life..
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Old 06-04-2014, 12:03 AM
 
Location: VT; previously MD & NJ
2,230 posts, read 1,366,335 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mathjak107 View Post
yeah , your family will enjoy another financial burdeon i am sure.
My family will do what is necessary, just as I did for my mother. She was with me for about 4 years during which she was losing her eyesight and had several strokes. It was a lot of extra work for me, but I never thought of her as a burden. She was my mother.

On the financial side, she was able to contribute to expenses. But even if she had not had any money, I could have easily supported her. Other than medical (which was mostly covered by medicare and medigap), expenses go way down for the elderly. They eat very little, don't need a car, don't need any fancy work clothes and shoes, and generally don't go out much as it becomes physically difficult. She was living in my home which I was paying for anyway so no additional housing cost for her.

As it happens, I have saved and planned well for my own retirement. I own my home outright and have no debt. If the market doesn't crash too many more times during the next 20 years or so, I should be fine. But if need be, my family will take care of me -- financially or physically or both. Family is family, we take care of our own.
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Old 06-04-2014, 12:26 AM
 
Location: VT; previously MD & NJ
2,230 posts, read 1,366,335 times
Reputation: 6455
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Originally Posted by mathjak107 View Post
the answer is most folks are struggling raising a family today financially and i think it is unfair to add the additional burdon of supporting someone else who planned badly for their own life..
But I didn't plan badly. In fact, I planned rather well. But s*&^^% happens. You never know.

My son and his family are not struggling because he and his wife are college educated - 2 professional salaries in that household. (You might even say that part of my retirement plan was to pay for his education as a hedge against my own future needs )

As Kgryfon said, there's nothing wrong with pooling resources with your loved ones. Multi-generational households are a time honored tradition.
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Old 06-04-2014, 12:36 AM
 
Location: Los Angeles area
14,018 posts, read 17,775,806 times
Reputation: 32309
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Originally Posted by ansible90 View Post
....... Family is family, we take care of our own.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ansible90 View Post
But I didn't plan badly. In fact, I planned rather well. But s*&^^% happens. You never know....

As Kgryfon said, there's nothing wrong with pooling resources with your loved ones. Multi-generational households are a time honored tradition.
That must be a great feeling to be part of a family where everybody, or almost everybody, shares your basic attitude about family togetherness.

But I'm sure you must be aware that some people cannot (and should not) will themselves to be dragged down by the toxicity and dysfunctionality which prevails in some families. I know being part of a multi-generational household with my mother would have driven me absolutely bonkers. I got out at age 18 and only by living at a geographical distance from her was I able to maintain a relationship, including visits.
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Old 06-04-2014, 01:40 AM
 
34,475 posts, read 41,589,827 times
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Life is short/
You've paid your dues on working
Have some fun and retire.
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Old 06-04-2014, 10:20 AM
 
9,506 posts, read 5,299,044 times
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Originally Posted by popcorn247 View Post
I've worked 41 years for the same non-profit. I've been putting money into a 403b for 40 years (TIAA-CREF). I am 63 years old. I just can't continue working at this place! My emotional and physical well-being is suffering....boredom, stress, lack of appreciation, etc. and a very long commute (since 1978) has just about made me nuts!

I want to retire in a few months....and take early Social Security.....so many people say to wait, but I just can't.
I left "early" for virtually the same reasons. I worked for 41 years too(including 16 years of elder care which, for folks who know, is exactly like having another, emotionally draining, job).

I considered if it would be worth it for me to wait for additional SS benefits. Then I decided there was no way I could do that! I was lucky enough to have saved quite a bit for retirement and eventually saw NO reason to stay on.

If you are as burned out as you say, your emotional well being should take precedence. My advice is to leave when it's right for you and stop worrying about how others feel or what they tell you.

I have been retired for two years now. I'm no longer as angry as I was. I'm sleeping better. And, generally speaking, I am getting along with people a lot better nowadays. I'm just happier overall.
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Old 06-04-2014, 10:36 AM
 
Location: Los Angeles area
14,018 posts, read 17,775,806 times
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Originally Posted by kyb01 View Post
I left "early" for virtually the same reasons. I worked for 41 years too(including 16 years of elder care which, for folks who know, is exactly like having another, emotionally draining, job).

I considered if it would be worth it for me to wait for additional SS benefits. Then I decided there was no way I could do that! I was lucky enough to have saved quite a bit for retirement and eventually saw NO reason to stay on.

If you are as burned out as you say, your emotional well being should take precedence. My advice is to leave when it's right for you and stop worrying about how others feel or what they tell you.

I have been retired for two years now. I'm no longer as angry as I was. I'm sleeping better. And, generally speaking, I am getting along with people a lot better nowadays. I'm just happier overall.
I remember a colleague who left somewhat "early" with the explanation, "My mental health is more important than the extra money". Pretty hard to argue with that.
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Old 06-04-2014, 11:10 AM
 
11,954 posts, read 20,434,323 times
Reputation: 19389
Quote:
Originally Posted by ansible90 View Post
My family will do what is necessary, just as I did for my mother. She was with me for about 4 years during which she was losing her eyesight and had several strokes. It was a lot of extra work for me, but I never thought of her as a burden. She was my mother.

On the financial side, she was able to contribute to expenses. But even if she had not had any money, I could have easily supported her. Other than medical (which was mostly covered by medicare and medigap), expenses go way down for the elderly. They eat very little, don't need a car, don't need any fancy work clothes and shoes, and generally don't go out much as it becomes physically difficult. She was living in my home which I was paying for anyway so no additional housing cost for her.

As it happens, I have saved and planned well for my own retirement. I own my home outright and have no debt. If the market doesn't crash too many more times during the next 20 years or so, I should be fine. But if need be, my family will take care of me -- financially or physically or both. Family is family, we take care of our own.
Yeah -- but in today's world, that's weird. I know, because we wanted to do that, but it wasn't physically possible when my mother got sick. And when we three sisters talked about it, every one around showed lots of surprise. Eyes like saucers, jaws scraping the ground.

But when Mom knew she didn't have much time left, she didn't dally. She was ready to go. And she did. And she was probably much more ill than anyone knew.

And when I hear about someone's parent dying, I tell them how sorry I am for their loss, and I brace myself to hear about the infighting in the family. Haven't found one yet that hasn't -- most bitterly.

We didn't do that either. The legacy of my family is love and support. I get the feeling yours is, too -- and you need to know it's a rare and precious thing.
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Old 06-04-2014, 11:36 AM
 
Location: NYC
2,930 posts, read 1,600,561 times
Reputation: 7980
Quote:
Originally Posted by mathjak107 View Post
the answer is most folks are struggling raising a family today financially and i think it is unfair to add the additional burdon of supporting someone else who planned badly for their own life..
I understand that life can be a struggle for a lot of people, but i don't consider a young child or an elderly parent just "somebody". They are your direct blood & taking care of each other is simply one of the main reasons for our existence. Western society's model of the nuclear family is not the predominant model throughout the world or history, the extended family is. But a young child/elderly parent is part of both. My mother scraped the poop off my bottom for years when I started out, I don't see dismissing one's parents as "somebody" unless there was severe dysfunction in the family.

However I would have more problems propping up a sibling that didn't prepare prudently for old age, so perhaps my logic needs more refining....
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Old 06-04-2014, 03:38 PM
 
2,628 posts, read 4,963,173 times
Reputation: 2225
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Originally Posted by ansible90 View Post
Check healthcare.gov anyway. It might be less than COBRA.

I did COBRA for 18 months. Then still had 6 more months until I could get Medicare. Found a state-sponsored program that was less than the COBRA had been. This was before the ACA. It pays to check out what else might be available besides COBRA.
I looked at Healthcare.gov.....my insurance would be ~ 858/month! I 'make' too much money.
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