U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Retirement
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 06-18-2014, 01:32 PM
 
4,649 posts, read 6,483,631 times
Reputation: 5394

Advertisements

This is way to much drama. I don't know if it has been done because I didn't read the whole thread but the OP needs to make sure her mother's Will and POA's are up to date. God forbid and she gets worse which at older ages most health issues don't, the real fighting will begin.

If you are doing all the work than you should be calling the shots. I'm sure there are many others who have had to deal with elder care and its not fun or an easy situation. Which is why people will stay away and let others deal with it. If not done already get the paperwork done and if your not in charge let the designated one's handle everything up to your tolerable limits because once things like a POA come into play you are out of the loop.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 06-18-2014, 02:11 PM
 
Location: Verde Valley AZ
8,618 posts, read 9,684,845 times
Reputation: 10965
Quote:
Originally Posted by Caltovegas View Post
This is way to much drama. I don't know if it has been done because I didn't read the whole thread but the OP needs to make sure her mother's Will and POA's are up to date. God forbid and she gets worse which at older ages most health issues don't, the real fighting will begin.

If you are doing all the work than you should be calling the shots. I'm sure there are many others who have had to deal with elder care and its not fun or an easy situation. Which is why people will stay away and let others deal with it. If not done already get the paperwork done and if your not in charge let the designated one's handle everything up to your tolerable limits because once things like a POA come into play you are out of the loop.
I'm sure it IS a "to much drama" for some folks but I've never had to deal with this before. The people in this forum make me feel better about it all and until they tell me to shut up I'll depend on them for that.

All the paperwork is in order. The only POA she's ever had was for a surgery some time ago and it has expired. My brother is executor and the entire estate will go to him. What there is of it. Basically just the house and it's been underwater for a very long time now. There'll be no fighting over anything. I don't think he knows, yet, that when Mom goes he will be responsible for all the years she hasn't had to pay property taxes. Plus however many more years she lives. My sibs and I agree that it's all his and we don't care. Not because of the taxes but 'just because'.

I am doing all the work, at this point, and I am calling all the shots. Nobody has argued with me yet, except bro's girlfriend and she doesn't count. Just because my brother is executor of her estate doesn't mean he's going to jump in and do anything else. It has been suggested that he's staying at her house now to keep an eye on his inheritance. lol He's only around for about 8 hours a day, mostly sleeping because he works overnights, and we don't even see him.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-18-2014, 02:52 PM
 
Location: UpstateNY
8,612 posts, read 8,304,137 times
Reputation: 7523
Wow, does your brother even know he's executor?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-18-2014, 03:13 PM
 
Location: Verde Valley AZ
8,618 posts, read 9,684,845 times
Reputation: 10965
Quote:
Originally Posted by CCc girl View Post
Wow, does your brother even know he's executor?
Yes, he does. He was named executor when my dad was still alive so that's been in place for over 10 years. He doesn't, however, know about paying all those back taxes and we aren't telling him. If you knew my brother you'd understand. He's greedy and already has plans for the property when Mom's gone. His son told me all about it. We all just wish him luck and stay out of it.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-18-2014, 03:32 PM
 
Location: UpstateNY
8,612 posts, read 8,304,137 times
Reputation: 7523
LOL, 'Be careful what you wish for...'
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-18-2014, 03:54 PM
 
4,574 posts, read 7,060,700 times
Reputation: 4222
Haven't had time to read this whole thread but about 6 years ago I started falling (I was around 60) and didn't know what was happening, I would just fall (sort of collapse) and eventually fractured my foot. That was how I found out what was wrong...I have very loose ligaments in my foot, they are basically stretched a bit, so when I get on any kind of unflat surface, my foot would roll and down I would go. I have had to wear a foot brace since then but it has worked. I would consider taking her to an orthopedist or podiatrist, just to see what they have to say. It can't hurt...and it might be a simple solution to give her more foot support.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-18-2014, 04:55 PM
 
4 posts, read 2,228 times
Reputation: 21
I'm coming in really late on this, but I've taken care of elderly and handicapped people for years and now I'm disabled myself.

First of all, to augiedoggie, UTI's really mess up the old guys, too, not just the old ladies. :P Let's keep it real here. It's very true, though, that having an infection like that really can cause many other problems, including falls and such and can also cause what seems to be dementia which may or may not correct itself if she has a better diet and fluid intake. Many elderly folks not only don't eat right, they also don't consume enough fluid and you have to just be sure there's some there all the time by her and remind her to drink it. A juice glass of straight cranberry juice a day---unsweetened and not mixed with other juices like in a cranberry/raspberry cocktail---helps a lot to prevent the infections. It's common for the infection to turn septic in an elderly person before they even know what's wrong. Septic is where the infection finally spreads to the blood stream and it's extremely serious. Most times the doctor will get a urine sample first thing because it's so common that these simmering infections go undetected for quite awhile. There are cranberry capsules on the market but the only kind I ever found that really worked were from the pharmacy at Costco and I don't remember the name.

What the description of your mom makes me wonder is if she might be having TIA's. That stands for transient ischemic attacks. It's where something interrupts blood flow to the brain, affects the person like a big stroke, but then the little obstruction clears itself and goes on through so blood flows again. Usually having these "mini" strokes will lead to a real big one in time if something isn't done. And the common site of the obstruction is the blood vessels in the neck. It's not detectable in testing once the obstruction is gone.

Again, lots of liquids are important but within what the body needs a day, not extra, because that can wash electrolytes out of the body and will also cause some forms of dementia. But the fluid intake is very important because our blood---in fact our whole bodies---are largely fluid. Dehydration can also cause a heart attack.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-18-2014, 06:40 PM
 
Location: SoCal desert
8,093 posts, read 13,234,579 times
Reputation: 14870
Hey Brat -

Put the over-ripe veggies & fruits in a compost pile - and then put your brother's girlfriend in there too

And to those that think this thread is drama - No, it isn't. This is normal "Oh heck it's heavy-duty caregiving time." The Brat has her act together and is blowing off steam. More power to her.

Quote:
Originally Posted by CCc girl View Post
I like to cut my juice with diet ginger ale, maybe there's an alternative.......it is delightful BTW.
No no no no! - cranberry juice and vodka.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-18-2014, 07:04 PM
 
Location: Verde Valley AZ
8,618 posts, read 9,684,845 times
Reputation: 10965
Quote:
Originally Posted by CCc girl View Post
LOL, 'Be careful what you wish for...'
LOL...I'll try.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-18-2014, 07:12 PM
 
Location: Verde Valley AZ
8,618 posts, read 9,684,845 times
Reputation: 10965
Quote:
Originally Posted by Granny Griz View Post
I'm coming in really late on this, but I've taken care of elderly and handicapped people for years and now I'm disabled myself.

First of all, to augiedoggie, UTI's really mess up the old guys, too, not just the old ladies. :P Let's keep it real here. It's very true, though, that having an infection like that really can cause many other problems, including falls and such and can also cause what seems to be dementia which may or may not correct itself if she has a better diet and fluid intake. Many elderly folks not only don't eat right, they also don't consume enough fluid and you have to just be sure there's some there all the time by her and remind her to drink it. A juice glass of straight cranberry juice a day---unsweetened and not mixed with other juices like in a cranberry/raspberry cocktail---helps a lot to prevent the infections. It's common for the infection to turn septic in an elderly person before they even know what's wrong. Septic is where the infection finally spreads to the blood stream and it's extremely serious. Most times the doctor will get a urine sample first thing because it's so common that these simmering infections go undetected for quite awhile. There are cranberry capsules on the market but the only kind I ever found that really worked were from the pharmacy at Costco and I don't remember the name.

What the description of your mom makes me wonder is if she might be having TIA's. That stands for transient ischemic attacks. It's where something interrupts blood flow to the brain, affects the person like a big stroke, but then the little obstruction clears itself and goes on through so blood flows again. Usually having these "mini" strokes will lead to a real big one in time if something isn't done. And the common site of the obstruction is the blood vessels in the neck. It's not detectable in testing once the obstruction is gone.

Again, lots of liquids are important but within what the body needs a day, not extra, because that can wash electrolytes out of the body and will also cause some forms of dementia. But the fluid intake is very important because our blood---in fact our whole bodies---are largely fluid. Dehydration can also cause a heart attack.
I think diet and liquid intake probably had a bit to do with Mom not doing well. I knew/know she WAS cooking and eating and she was drinking a lot of ice tea. Not enough water really, except that she kept a bottle by her bed. I think she's eating a more balanced diet with me doing all the cooking and I'm enjoying doing it. She has water all day long, a small glass of milk at times and juice. She can't have cranberry juice because of one of her meds and I plan to talk to the doc about that next week. She does drink other juices though.

Our very first thought was "stroke". According to the CT scan, no. My dad had quite a few mini strokes before he died so I'm familiar with the aftermath of them. So far so good with Mom.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Retirement
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top