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Old 06-11-2014, 08:00 AM
 
Location: Verde Valley AZ
8,627 posts, read 9,701,047 times
Reputation: 11017

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ariadne22 View Post
Well, around here, many women move to retirement communities with assisted living capabilities. Family friend sold her home a few years ago at the age of 73 and has been in her new 'residence' now for a while. Is very happy, there. She was a nurse and saw a lot - so I'm sure accepts reality and is planning ahead. Does have some health issues - she and I a few years apart in age - my son says the differences between us are astonishing. She looks and acts old, I don't.

My step-mother starting in mid-80's had in-home care for a while until they began taking advantage - use of phone, running up huge bills - and theft. My sister (her daughter) then moved step-mom into an assisted living facility and sold the house - disposing of a lifetime of stuff - during which process she developed high blood pressure. After a couple of years in AL, step-mom developed pneumonia and died in the hospital at age 90.

I've known a number of single women who moved into more appropriate housing years before it was necessary. I remember one at age 59 saying she saw too many who had waited too long and she didn't want to be one of those. She died at age 74 in her apartment. 72-y/o neighbor across the street is cleaning out the family home where she grew up and has lived for past two years since retired. A huge undertaking. Her 77 y/o brother here to help - two old grey-haired people shuffling in and out of the house. She bought a condo. Judging from the way she moves, she has hip trouble. I would expect she'll last on her own in that condo about ten years. She's a good planner. I'm sure she knows where'll she'll be after that.

I do think proactive moves are wise - unless there are unlimited funds and one can afford round-the-clock care - which I've known people to do, as well.
I think the only thing my mom has "planned" is to stay in her own home till 'the end'. And I think her kids...me, anyway...are pretty much dedicated to helping her do that. Just need some outside help for a while. If she makes it to 90, which I hope she does...if SHE wants to...it's going to be a long road.

As an in-home health care person I DID hear of things like people stealing, etc.. It never entered my mind to do any of those things. Evidently there were a few drug problems as well. I can only WISH we had "unlimited funds". This would be a no brainer. However....

Looking around my mom's house I would NOT look forward to emptying it out. My word! And this after she downsized a LOT after living in the same house for 30 years.
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Old 06-11-2014, 08:04 AM
 
Location: Verde Valley AZ
8,627 posts, read 9,701,047 times
Reputation: 11017
Quote:
Originally Posted by Clemencia53 View Post
Sorry about your mom. This seems so sudden.

My mother had those UTIs and we were told it affected older people in weird ways. Also she was very anemic. She had to have a transfusion the first time she went in by ambulance. We thought she was eating right.

As you know she is in a home, but it is just down the street from us. She gets great care because since this is a small town, we know the people that work there, they know her etc. She rebounded from being on hospice. She did have a fall a few months ago that required one day simple spine surgery, but is back running around in her wheelchair. She had to adjust to her limitations - wanting to walk too fast etc. Trying to do things she had no business doing.

Good luck.
This is all pretty "sudden". Her falling, not associated with this latest physical thing, started some time ago but was rare. Was thinking about that last night trying to count the times. But this falling every day is definitely a new thing.

Yes, I've known you a long time now so I've followed your mom's progress all along. I don't remember though how you talked her into it, or if you even did have to. Did she take much convincing? Still fighting the idea myself but if this goes on for a really long time I might not.
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Old 06-11-2014, 08:14 AM
 
6,337 posts, read 5,079,035 times
Reputation: 12885
Quote:
Originally Posted by AZDesertBrat View Post
This is all pretty "sudden". Her falling, not associated with this latest physical thing, started some time ago but was rare. Was thinking about that last night trying to count the times. But this falling every day is definitely a new thing.

Yes, I've known you a long time now so I've followed your mom's progress all along. I don't remember though how you talked her into it, or if you even did have to. Did she take much convincing? Still fighting the idea myself but if this goes on for a really long time I might not.
She had always said that when she got too ill, to place her in the local nursing home. Her father was there until the end. He was okay, but got hit by a truck early one morning when he went fishing. Was never the same again. Couldn't walk or anything. She would go feed him daily.

She first went in there for rehab after her third trip to the ER and hospital. That changed to hospice, but she improved!

She likes it. She has friends, they have activities all day. At home she was to the point of just sitting in a chair all day since she didn't have the will or strength to make it to the senior center. She loves to play bingo and dominos.

The other day they took the more ambulatory ones to the senior center and she loved it. Got to see the other people. It was a nice place, but they had a terrible, IMO, menu. Too many sweets and junk food. She is doing much better on the nursing home diet.

She will be 90 next month.
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Old 06-11-2014, 08:17 AM
 
6,337 posts, read 5,079,035 times
Reputation: 12885
Quote:
Originally Posted by AZDesertBrat View Post
I think the only thing my mom has "planned" is to stay in her own home till 'the end'. And I think her kids...me, anyway...are pretty much dedicated to helping her do that. Just need some outside help for a while. If she makes it to 90, which I hope she does...if SHE wants to...it's going to be a long road.

As an in-home health care person I DID hear of things like people stealing, etc.. It never entered my mind to do any of those things. Evidently there were a few drug problems as well. I can only WISH we had "unlimited funds". This would be a no brainer. However....

Looking around my mom's house I would NOT look forward to emptying it out. My word! And this after she downsized a LOT after living in the same house for 30 years.
Here in Texas, I know of some families that have aides that are family members. They get paid by the state to take care of their elderly parent or other relative. I don't know how much.
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Old 06-11-2014, 09:46 AM
 
Location: UpstateNY
8,612 posts, read 8,317,742 times
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DesertBrat, my prayers are with you, your mom, and everyone in need.

Thank you posting, this info will be very helpful down the road to those of us that haven't arrived to your situation but do knwo it is coming.

I was going to suggest, like Clemencia, that your young person studying to be a CHA, after the training is complete she could possibly be hired for your mom.

I personally know of a mother and two sisters, one sister was disabled, the mom got certified as a caretaker home and the sister got certs in CHA. The state paid the mom to keep the disabled sister, as well as other patients, in her home and the state paid the sister for CHA duties. The disabled sister was able to stay with family until the end.
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Old 06-11-2014, 10:42 AM
 
Location: Northern panhandle WV
3,007 posts, read 2,178,014 times
Reputation: 6696
Get to a Neurologist, it sounds a lot like Parkinsons or one of the related diseases, Falling and one side weakness is very common as is cognitive and memory problems and Bladder infection is common and makes the condition much worse.
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Old 06-11-2014, 03:04 PM
 
Location: Verde Valley AZ
8,627 posts, read 9,701,047 times
Reputation: 11017
Quote:
Originally Posted by Clemencia53 View Post
She had always said that when she got too ill, to place her in the local nursing home. Her father was there until the end. He was okay, but got hit by a truck early one morning when he went fishing. Was never the same again. Couldn't walk or anything. She would go feed him daily.

She first went in there for rehab after her third trip to the ER and hospital. That changed to hospice, but she improved!

She likes it. She has friends, they have activities all day. At home she was to the point of just sitting in a chair all day since she didn't have the will or strength to make it to the senior center. She loves to play bingo and dominos.

The other day they took the more ambulatory ones to the senior center and she loved it. Got to see the other people. It was a nice place, but they had a terrible, IMO, menu. Too many sweets and junk food. She is doing much better on the nursing home diet.

She will be 90 next month.
Wow that's quite a way to get to the nursing home. Hit by a truck.

I remember that roller coaster of rehab/ER/hospital AND Hospice. I'm so glad she got better.

My mom is one of the friendliest people on earth, can talk to anyone and enjoy it but I don't know how she'd fare in a nursing home. She's not much for playing games except for her online Solitaire and Majong (sp). I don't know why she was never particularly interested in the Senior Center and, in fact, never went there except for her flu shots or something.

We've had a good day so far. She's not arguing with me about what day it is, she's been up and around and being verrrrry careful. I've been trying to get everything done at MY house so I can go back to work tomorrow. Yesterday I cooked a Mexican type dinner in the crockpot...chicken, black beans, corn and two cans of tomatoes, plus some seasonings. Today I'm making green beans, red potatoes and ham in the crockpot. I really need to come up with one more entrée thing but think I'll just wing it. I cook once a week anyway and always share with Mom so this is just part of my week. lol I made cornbread muffins to go with the Mex stuff. Finally ate the last of my cut up fruit and gave Mom some more. Mom's been getting a ton of produce in her food boxes every week so we both had cantaloupe, watermelon, honeydew and grapes. I still have half of all that even after making a BIG container of cut up stuff. Made another loaf of bread too and...once again!...forgot to watch it and it's gonna be another huge one. lol Someone in another post mentioned Meals on Wheels and I talked to her about it. Like me, she's got so much food in her house, she'd feel guilty taking that so, no. Between us we could feed a lot of people for a while, I'm sure!
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Old 06-11-2014, 03:08 PM
 
Location: Verde Valley AZ
8,627 posts, read 9,701,047 times
Reputation: 11017
Quote:
Originally Posted by Clemencia53 View Post
Here in Texas, I know of some families that have aides that are family members. They get paid by the state to take care of their elderly parent or other relative. I don't know how much.
I was talking to a customer at work about just that thing. He said he quit his job to take care of his terminal wife and got paid $1,000 mo. to do it. I think they have to be terminal to do that. When I took care of my late SIL before she died they made me the same offer. That was a long time ago, I didn't need the money and I wasn't doing it for money. I really loved her and watching her die was hard. One day when I was changing her Depends I told her that I had looked forward to getting to know her better but not quite like "THIS"! lol Thinking...I am back to cleaning up porta potties! lol I could be doing worse things, right?
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Old 06-11-2014, 03:15 PM
 
Location: Verde Valley AZ
8,627 posts, read 9,701,047 times
Reputation: 11017
Quote:
Originally Posted by CCc girl View Post
DesertBrat, my prayers are with you, your mom, and everyone in need.

Thank you posting, this info will be very helpful down the road to those of us that haven't arrived to your situation but do knwo it is coming.

I was going to suggest, like Clemencia, that your young person studying to be a CHA, after the training is complete she could possibly be hired for your mom.

I personally know of a mother and two sisters, one sister was disabled, the mom got certified as a caretaker home and the sister got certs in CHA. The state paid the mom to keep the disabled sister, as well as other patients, in her home and the state paid the sister for CHA duties. The disabled sister was able to stay with family until the end.
I talked to my brother this morning and he thinks she might be willing to do it. She's qualified now. (This is his granddaughter, she lives with him and his wife, she's broke and needs a job.) I'm hoping so, at least for the next two weeks. I am hoping to tweak my schedule so I can 1) get a caregiver for the 'right' hours and 2) maybe have a steady schedule instead of changing every day. That's my ONLY complaint about my job. Need to talk to my direct manager about this.

It's nice if you can do like that mother and daughters. I truly have no desire to take care of a 'group' of people. In my home or not.
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Old 06-11-2014, 03:17 PM
 
Location: Verde Valley AZ
8,627 posts, read 9,701,047 times
Reputation: 11017
Quote:
Originally Posted by arwenmark View Post
Get to a Neurologist, it sounds a lot like Parkinsons or one of the related diseases, Falling and one side weakness is very common as is cognitive and memory problems and Bladder infection is common and makes the condition much worse.
My dad had a form of Parkinsons so I'm pretty familiar with that. They are, and will be, doing more testing and I'm sure her doc will cover a lot of stuff. We'll see how she does after she gets through the antibiotics she's on for the bladder infection.
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