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Old 06-18-2014, 08:36 AM
 
Location: Verde Valley AZ
8,618 posts, read 9,687,274 times
Reputation: 10980

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Quote:
Originally Posted by CCc girl View Post
AZDB, maybe having your brother around will give her some motivation to assume a more adult role by having a 'child' in the house. It might seem inconsequential but might do wonders for her self esteem......just sayin'........
I don't know. She just takes her role as "Mom" very seriously. He won't be here till Thurs. since he's having some route problems on his job.

His gf called me yesterday to tell me that and THEN proceeded to tell ME how to 'take care of' my own mom. Since my brother wouldn't be here. (When he IS here he's in his room on his computer, watching TV, and whatever else. He rarely comes out of his room. He does NOTHING for her except 'be there') Mom says he's "sleeping" because that's what she thinks he's doing. Well, anyway....it made me mad because 1) she NEVER comes to see Mom 2) NEVER picks up the phone to just say "Hi, how are you?" and 3) she told me I would "have to" spend more time with Mom. Good lord! I'm there most of the time and the only reason she caught me at my own house was because I was here getting a pork loin roast out of the oven and picking up a few other things for her. Then she proceeds to tell me that it doesn't matter what the doc says, my mom DID have a stroke. Yeah, we have dumb docs here. THEN, she's the one who started the process for a Life Alert...online...and tells me that *I* have to take care of it. Well, yes, I knew that because they got the info and then dropped it. I guess I'm still mad this morning but I'll get over it. This gal is bossy, pushy and a know it all. And won't even let you finish a sentence without butting in with HER opinion or telling you what to do.

I have to go run errands today so will probably be accused of 'neglect'. I don't see HER getting HER butt over here to do anything. I told Mom about that phone call and was still mad when I told her. She said, "You take excellent care of me so don't worry about it".

Oh yeah, she also jumped all over me because my other brother and I are splitting the cost of having his grand daughter stay with Mom while I'm working. She was 'shocked' that we would PAY her for watching over her great grandma. THEY haven't offered to help. The kid JUST graduated from high school, is dead broke because her job was scuttled...but it's coming back...and I would have to pay somebody so why not her? At least she CARES about my mom.

I got the fridge cleaned out, kitchen cleaned up and dishwasher run. THEN the church people showed up with their weekly donation of half rotten fruits and veggies and stuff she'll never eat. The carrots were, literally, rotten and the cantaloupe already has big bad spots on it and two slimey cukes. I'm still trying use up the surplus of fruit she already had! I want to tell them to stop delivering for a few weeks but she won't let me.
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Old 06-18-2014, 08:50 AM
 
Location: UpstateNY
8,612 posts, read 8,306,152 times
Reputation: 7524
One thing I learned early on when my Dad passed, was to cut out the people who kept having things like 'you should' 'you need to' 'you have to' coming out of their mouths of the situation.

People who say things like 'what can I' 'how can I help' 'what do you need' are what you need to stick with.

The 'you shol' ers are not conducive to solving anything and just pushes you to push back and further complicate a delicate situation.

His being there establishes what marginal participation/help he is willing/able to give. No more, no less. Unless his GF is participating, do not engage her, it is a waste of your energy. They will not be propelled to give more, and, realistically, given their attitude, would you want them to?

Whoever steps up NOW will be showing what they are willing to give down the road. Recognize that for what it is and move on. Look elsewhere in your arsenal for more guns. Sometimes you're better off without family involved. Just because they're family doesn't mean they're the best choice or solution.

Blessings.......<3
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Old 06-18-2014, 09:46 AM
 
Location: Ponte Vedra Beach FL
14,628 posts, read 17,935,948 times
Reputation: 6716
Quote:
Originally Posted by jlawrence01 View Post
After a couple of nights in emergency rooms in remote locations, I can tell you that cranberry juice is very effective in preventing those UTIs. However, once you have an infection, antibiotics are probably required.

I now know what I forgot to pick up today.
I don't have much to add to what's been said already. But a doctor a long time back - when I got the first and only UTI I've ever had - told me the best way for women to avoid UTIs is to "wipe twice". Once in the front going forward. Once in the back going backwards. With different toilet paper. The only downside is using a lot of toilet paper! But it's worth it to avoid UTIs (more common in women than men - probably because of our anatomy). Robyn
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Old 06-18-2014, 09:56 AM
 
Location: Ponte Vedra Beach FL
14,628 posts, read 17,935,948 times
Reputation: 6716
Quote:
Originally Posted by AZDesertBrat View Post
Mom was using the walker when she fell Monday night. Those things are so light though they can topple right over if you fall on one. Hers has wheels.
My father has mobility problems. The walker he keeps in his house is super heavy (well > 20 pounds). Four wheels (they're much more stable than the ones with three wheels). I think it would be possible to knock it over by falling on it - but it would be difficult.

He has also installed grab bars all through his apartment. Just about everywhere. Not the prettiest sight in the world - but practical.

FWIW - family members who might not want to be totally "hands on" in this situation might be able to help you with other things. Like perhaps some are handy and can put up grab bars or do similar work? Some might investigate the best walker for the situation. Stuff like that. Robyn
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Old 06-18-2014, 10:35 AM
 
Location: Ponte Vedra Beach FL
14,628 posts, read 17,935,948 times
Reputation: 6716
Quote:
Originally Posted by AZDesertBrat View Post
...Unfortunately Mom can't 'do' cranberries or cranberry juice. Something about one of her meds that won't mix with it. Not exactly sure what that is but it's what she told me a long time ago when she first went on it. I never had ANY idea that a UTI could affect someone that way but I guess I know now and will be more vigilant!
Check and make sure that it's cranberry juice - and not grapefruit juice (the latter is often not recommended when taking certain drugs). Robyn
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Old 06-18-2014, 10:39 AM
 
Location: UpstateNY
8,612 posts, read 8,306,152 times
Reputation: 7524
I wonder if cranberry caplets would be an acceptible sub for juice if one couldn't tolerate the juice.

I like to cut my juice with diet ginger ale, maybe there's an alternative.......it is delightful BTW.
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Old 06-18-2014, 11:09 AM
 
Location: Ponte Vedra Beach FL
14,628 posts, read 17,935,948 times
Reputation: 6716
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gandalara View Post
Glad you're updating - I was offline for 1 whole day. Horrors, LOL

Freeze the bread!
You can freeze bread - but it's dry as the desert when you defrost it. Better to buy small quantities (like half loaves) and toss them if/when they go bad.

And AZDesertBrat - if I were in your shoes - I'd go to Costco - Walmart - my favorite big box store - and buy some huge packages of disposable plates/cups/flatware/etc. You're trying to do so much - including a lot of cooking. Make your life a little easier in an area you can (doing dishes). At least for a while. Can't say I do it often. But - when I'm in the middle of big physically demanding projects - it's disposable dishes for me. Robyn
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Old 06-18-2014, 11:10 AM
 
Location: Verde Valley AZ
8,618 posts, read 9,687,274 times
Reputation: 10980
Quote:
Originally Posted by CCc girl View Post
One thing I learned early on when my Dad passed, was to cut out the people who kept having things like 'you should' 'you need to' 'you have to' coming out of their mouths of the situation.

People who say things like 'what can I' 'how can I help' 'what do you need' are what you need to stick with.

The 'you shol' ers are not conducive to solving anything and just pushes you to push back and further complicate a delicate situation.

His being there establishes what marginal participation/help he is willing/able to give. No more, no less. Unless his GF is participating, do not engage her, it is a waste of your energy. They will not be propelled to give more, and, realistically, given their attitude, would you want them to?

Whoever steps up NOW will be showing what they are willing to give down the road. Recognize that for what it is and move on. Look elsewhere in your arsenal for more guns. Sometimes you're better off without family involved. Just because they're family doesn't mean they're the best choice or solution.

Blessings.......<3
You are so right. I'm pretty good about doing the things you say and I don't ask people for help, as a rule. I can take care of things easily enough, most of the time. My one brother and I are close though so he's my 'lifeline' sometimes.

I don't "engage" this woman. When I first moved back home, nearly ten years ago, they had just started going together. I took her out to lunch a few times in an effort to get to know her. She never did anything to reciprocate or become friends so I let it go. I see her now and then in Walmart and that's about it. I talked to my nephew (bro's son) yesterday and told him I really really hate her fake friendliness to me and that's what it is. Because she's my brother's gf, and he is my mom's, "golden boy", I don't usually say anything to her about either of them. I did tell her how it hurt my feelings when she gave the gf her POA for her health care when she had surgery a couple years ago. She's not even FAMILY. I guess she could be considered that now though, after all this time.
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Old 06-18-2014, 11:14 AM
 
Location: Ponte Vedra Beach FL
14,628 posts, read 17,935,948 times
Reputation: 6716
Quote:
Originally Posted by AZDesertBrat View Post
...I also told her that I won't take her shopping unless she agrees to use an electric cart. I told her I don't want her falling out on the floor at the store. She agreed to that too! But only because I'll be with her and she won't have to get up and down to get stuff off the shelves. Okay. We can do that!...
All the grocery stores where I live will assist an elderly/handicapped person to shop. Take things off the shelves and put them in the shopper's cart. Ask if your local places will do that. Robyn
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Old 06-18-2014, 11:15 AM
 
Location: Verde Valley AZ
8,618 posts, read 9,687,274 times
Reputation: 10980
Quote:
Originally Posted by Robyn55 View Post
My father has mobility problems. The walker he keeps in his house is super heavy (well > 20 pounds). Four wheels (they're much more stable than the ones with three wheels). I think it would be possible to knock it over by falling on it - but it would be difficult.

He has also installed grab bars all through his apartment. Just about everywhere. Not the prettiest sight in the world - but practical.

FWIW - family members who might not want to be totally "hands on" in this situation might be able to help you with other things. Like perhaps some are handy and can put up grab bars or do similar work? Some might investigate the best walker for the situation. Stuff like that. Robyn
Mom's walker is pretty light. Has two wheels and two tennis balls on it. She's been sitting so much she hasn't been using it but that is going to bring on more problems so I have to get working on that.

We have grab bars all over now. The people who owned the house before put them in.

My family members suck. They don't even CALL to see how she's doing or to just talk to her. I have nieces and nephews, cousins and their kids all over town and they don't call or come see her. I bet they'll all show up for the funeral though. BIG sigh...
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