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Old 06-14-2014, 08:48 PM
 
Location: Boca Raton, FL
5,177 posts, read 8,703,964 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by newenglandgirl View Post
Such as how (or where) to live? Are your family or friends too opinionated (toward you) as far as you're concerned? Do you just turn a deaf ear, or do their comments get to you?

(I will disclose why I ask later)
Our daughter lives in NYC, single, rents. Very independent. She always comes home for all the important family events including all holidays and it's super fun having her around.

Bit of a surprise 2012 Christmas. She starts asking us about what we owe on the home and another property we own (we need to upgrade a lot of stuff on our home and have not been able to). Then, she proceeds to tell us that we no longer "fit the demographic of the neighborhood" and that we should move.

Well, first of all, everyone on our street is our age or older except for 2 couples in their 40's and we know everyone (16 homes). No sales since 2006, however, there is one for sale right now (I'm real sad about that one).

To say I was shocked was an understatement. She went on to tell me that one of the things about where we live is that younger people are moving in and keeping the neighborhood young and isn't that what I loved about it 25 years ago when we were young?

We love where we live and have no intentions of leaving but this really shocked me to no end. It actually made me very sad and I don't know where it was coming from. Maybe some of her friend's parents are downsizing (I doubt it though) and that's what I said to her - where would we go?

The other thing she picks on is my weight but I am now really working on that and she is right about a lot of things in that area. I guess she just wants us to be healthy.
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Old 06-14-2014, 08:59 PM
 
13,052 posts, read 15,412,261 times
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I am only 57, not retired yet, but when I mentioned to one of our kids that we were thinking about buying property with a few acres, she asked if we were thinking it through, thinking 10 years in the future, and would we be able to take care of a property with a little acreage?

Also, when I went to adopt a kitten from a rescue, they tried to nudge me toward an older cat instead. What? They think I don't have enough energy for a kitten? Or that I may not outlive a cat?

This is all very strange to me because my parents lived to 82 and 90 and they had property, including a lot more acreage than I am thinking about, and also pets, and they managed both just fine until very near the end of their lives. My dad did use a riding mower the last years, but he died in August and he had been mowing his yard that summer up until the time he died.

I know not everyone is lucky enough to be relatively healthy up to the end, but I don't really like people looking at me when I'm 57 like I have one foot in the grave!
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Old 06-14-2014, 09:23 PM
 
Location: Sacramento
13,784 posts, read 23,821,383 times
Reputation: 6195
No, in my early 60's and I haven't been given any advice yet. Could have to do with my demeanor though, I've been told quite a few times I'm not the most approachable person in the world.

My parents are still around, dad is 86 and mom is 85. They live across the country, in Florida, and we just returned after visiting them for a week. I don't tell them what to do at all, I respect their independence and believe in leaving folks alone unless they request some input or clearly are developing critical problems. Though mom is very limited and stubborn, I let my dad deal with it as he wants, and always has done. I ask if he wants or needs some help, but don't push it when he says no. I always let him know I'm available if he changes his mind, or wants to discuss options, but he has strong opinions and points of view so I only make it available. My other immediate family members all have their own personal "issues", so aren't inclined to look much beyond their own immediate needs, and don't get involved with advising the elders.

Hopefully, my kids will show similar respect when (if?) I'm up there in that age group.
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Old 06-14-2014, 10:10 PM
 
Location: Albuquerque NM
1,662 posts, read 1,529,751 times
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I have friends and family who are urging me to retire as soon as I am eligible even though I don't feel that I am quite yet financially ready. Their response is that I have plenty of money and they want me to retire because they are retired. I have to bite my tongue because they are constantly penny pinching and never travel except to see relatives and I just don't want to live like that. I would love to follow their advice but I know that working a couple of more years will allow me to save up to do more of the things that I want to do in retirement and allow me to sleep better at night. A couple of relatives also want me to move to Texas. Yuck!
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Old 06-14-2014, 10:19 PM
 
Location: Out there somewhere...a traveling man.
39,562 posts, read 47,801,608 times
Reputation: 110453
As a senior, are you being given advice you don't want to hear

No, as a matter of fact just the opposite. We're asked our advice frequently and are glad to help. We get a lot of thankyou's too.
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Old 06-14-2014, 10:56 PM
 
Location: Silicon Valley
18,134 posts, read 23,019,359 times
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How do I answer your loaded question, without knowing the whole story? I can only guess that you have a specific situation you are wondering about - whether or not other people are going through the same thing, etc. But, without knowing the story, I really don't know what to say.

So, it's time. Spill the beans.
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Old 06-15-2014, 12:33 AM
 
Location: Edina, MN, USA
6,955 posts, read 7,400,186 times
Reputation: 16293
Quote:
Originally Posted by NoMoreSnowForMe View Post
How do I answer your loaded question, without knowing the whole story? I can only guess that you have a specific situation you are wondering about - whether or not other people are going through the same thing, etc. But, without knowing the story, I really don't know what to say.

So, it's time. Spill the beans.
Somebody needs to go drag her out of bed - she's going to make us wait til morning
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Old 06-15-2014, 05:15 AM
 
Location: Near a river
16,042 posts, read 18,994,426 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Escort Rider View Post
I hope this thread topic is flexible enough to encompass the exact opposite situation, namely giving advice that a senior doesn't want to hear. My mother was 90 and living alone in a regular apartment. She wasn't coping; she wasn't able to reliably prepare food for herself so her nutritional needs were not being met. My sister lived a day's drive away and I lived two and half days' drive away. We both tried to convince her to consider a retirement community where two or three meals a day in a dining hall are part of the rent (she could easily afford it).

But no dice. My mother always was stubborn and pig-headed, and refused to consider making any changes; she had "reasons" why meals-on-wheels were not satisfactory and why meals delivered by her church were not satisfactory. Finally my sister and I were in despair and were considering going to court to seek guardianship; at that time my mother relented and moved into a retirement community that she quickly came to like. My sister and I liked it too; it was a surprisingly cheery place.

The story has a happy ending: My mother died two months after making her move without being hospitalized or becoming bedridden. Her last two months were relatively pleasant for her. She was about to turn 91.

This story brings up another interesting dimension of my question. I too remember my sisters and I doling out advice to our aging mother who didn't have as many options as yours did. We started this when she became a widow at 54 and the reason why is that she hated living alone and was acting in bizarre, irrational ways from the stress of being left alone. We stepped up the advice when she turned 60, 65, 70, 75, 80 and on to age 90. We finally got her to move out of what had become a dangerous neighborhood at age 90, and then, not into asst living but into another house.

Looking back, I can see that it was none of our business what she did with her life, but we wouldn't have butted in if she wasn't constantly expressing her misery.

At some point as a person ages, typically it's the grown kids who start getting nervous about mom/pop. Partly because there are many implications for them. I have seen several folks stick their aging parent in some kind of facility prematurely just so they don't have to deal with it.

If an aging parent who has reasonable faculties and health is living independently and driving, is it anyone's business how they live? Should kids just butt out?

In creating this thread what was in my head was some rather well-meaning siblings and friends declaring their position on moving away from family, to the point that you either agree with them or you're crazy. I'm the type who is supportive and understanding of others' motives for change. The ones giving the authoritarian advice, interestingly, are those who have lived in virtually the same place all their lives, some going right from the family home into marriage and never moving or taking risks of any kind. Although that kind of life is valid, their viewpoints seem narrow.
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Old 06-15-2014, 05:21 AM
 
Location: Near a river
16,042 posts, read 18,994,426 times
Reputation: 15649
Quote:
Originally Posted by NoMoreSnowForMe View Post
How do I answer your loaded question, without knowing the whole story? I can only guess that you have a specific situation you are wondering about - whether or not other people are going through the same thing, etc. But, without knowing the story, I really don't know what to say.

So, it's time. Spill the beans.
My question is for any senior who's experiencing or witnessing "advice" from well-meaning others. You may not have a story to tell along these lines, and that's ok. General commentary welcome.
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Old 06-15-2014, 05:23 AM
 
Location: Near a river
16,042 posts, read 18,994,426 times
Reputation: 15649
Quote:
Originally Posted by Umbria View Post
after all, we women couldn't possibly know what we're doing, especially if we're single. I listen, hoping I might hear something worthy - I don't have all the answers -and then keep possible good stuff and discard the trash.

There are those that are downright insulting and are lucky I just smile and mentally turn on the garbage disposal.

The know it alls I avoid.

Waiting to hear the rest of your story~~~~

Did you get unsolicited "advice" when you told family friends and acquaintances you're moving far away?
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