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Old 07-16-2014, 04:48 PM
 
Location: UpstateNY
8,612 posts, read 8,297,923 times
Reputation: 7522

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negirl, those old Hoovers are worth some bucks!!!!!! CraigsList!!!!!!!!
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Old 07-17-2014, 06:41 AM
 
Location: Baltimore, MD
3,745 posts, read 4,215,210 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rdflk View Post
But suppose you ARE no competent and you DO need someone to do that for your own good. There are very legitimate reasons your children may need to take over for you -- even if it means forcing you to relinquish the reins -- and they have nothing to do with money.

The caregiver board has plenty of adult children TRYING to do what's best for parents with dementia or Alzheimers who won't cooperate with what's best for them health-wise, safety-wise, etc. The parents are elderly, frail,obstinate and resist what would be best....they're not letting the children make arrangements to have an aide come in -- but they're living in filth, not eating, not taking medications, etc. Yet they're going to fight the kids who are trying to help them -- because they really CAN"T think for themselves anymore. They really are not mentally able to make decisions in their own best interest.

Perhaps I'm reading wrong but it seems you've now forced the kids to either:
-- let you live in squalor and failing health (this is just an "it COULD happen scenario) while you fight them tooth and nail, sabataging the help they're trying to get for you......(so they're NOT out of the will)
(And if they allow you to live like that they COULD be open to negligence charges)
-- OR get you declared mentally incapable (for your own good).....and inherit nothing.

Is that fair?
No problem. If the daughter who is living on the ranch is on all the "paperwork", then the terms of the will do not control ownership. She will inherit at the moment of the poster's death - regardless. If she is not on all of the paperwork or if there are assets remaining in the estate after she has assumed ownership per the "paperwork", then the daughters simply need to contact Social Services, explain the situation and let Social Services be the party seeking a declaration of incapacity.

However, if the daughters aren't bright enough to figure this out and they need to seek guardianship of their parent - they can still contest the will because the clause itself probably violates public policy.
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Old 07-17-2014, 10:29 AM
 
Location: Over yonder a piece
3,910 posts, read 4,645,590 times
Reputation: 6247
Quote:
Originally Posted by newenglandgirl View Post
I would hardly call that a downsize. They thought it was? LOL
My mother certainly did.

To be fair, she runs a fairly extensive business from their home , so there was a need to stay relatively big in order to have dedicated space for her business. But whereas in the old house she had the entire finished basement dedicated to it (about 1200 sq ft), she now only has two rooms.
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Old 07-19-2014, 07:20 AM
 
Location: Near a river
16,042 posts, read 18,969,510 times
Reputation: 15649
Quote:
Originally Posted by CCc girl View Post
negirl, those old Hoovers are worth some bucks!!!!!! CraigsList!!!!!!!!
I will probably keep the Hoover. We have two other serious vacuum cleaners and have to wonder why I need three. One is a newer Miele, and another we use to clean up debris after renovations. But if I keep the Hoover, something else has to go. It's really slow going. Nearly every time I put things in the car to take away, I grab something from the car at the last minute and bring it back in the house. The thought is won't I need this some day? Wasn't this a useful or expensive item? What if someone in the family wants it (not).

I have to admit that my true motive is not wanting the kids to have to sort through so much after our eventual move to Happy Acres. I have still have recurring dreams/nightmares about the houses I've had to clean out of elderly relatives. Closets, basements, attics full of stuff. It was overwhelming and imo unfair of them to leave this all to family to deal with.
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Old 07-19-2014, 08:50 AM
 
Location: UpstateNY
8,612 posts, read 8,297,923 times
Reputation: 7522
negirl, you have to have faith and not worry about what mountains of crap you leave behind.

You can be realistic now and do your part, but ultimately today is all we have and should be lived. You deserve to be happy today, everyday.

Have you spoken to your kids about this fear?

I had a vacuum on every level, I miss having one downstairs now (it died). The one in the attic is priceless for getting up mouse dung and wasps.

hugs{{{{{{{{{}}}}}}}}
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Old 07-19-2014, 12:02 PM
 
Location: Great State of Texas
86,093 posts, read 72,479,637 times
Reputation: 27565
Quote:
Originally Posted by newenglandgirl View Post
I will probably keep the Hoover. We have two other serious vacuum cleaners and have to wonder why I need three. One is a newer Miele, and another we use to clean up debris after renovations. But if I keep the Hoover, something else has to go. It's really slow going. Nearly every time I put things in the car to take away, I grab something from the car at the last minute and bring it back in the house. The thought is won't I need this some day? Wasn't this a useful or expensive item? What if someone in the family wants it (not).

I have to admit that my true motive is not wanting the kids to have to sort through so much after our eventual move to Happy Acres. I have still have recurring dreams/nightmares about the houses I've had to clean out of elderly relatives. Closets, basements, attics full of stuff. It was overwhelming and imo unfair of them to leave this all to family to deal with.
You're torn between 2 extremes here.
You need to make a decision and stick with it.

How often do you use that Hoover ?
If the answer is never then why are you keeping it ?

And as far as the "What if someone wants it" well then ask them if they want it now.
If not..out it goes.

But if you must insist on keeping stuff then go rent a storage unit. Stick it all in there.
Then your kids only need to open the door and hold a sale from there.

You can't have both and it seems to be tearing you apart.
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Old 07-19-2014, 03:31 PM
 
Location: Near a river
16,042 posts, read 18,969,510 times
Reputation: 15649
Quote:
Originally Posted by HappyTexan View Post
You're torn between 2 extremes here.
You need to make a decision and stick with it.

How often do you use that Hoover ?
If the answer is never then why are you keeping it ?

And as far as the "What if someone wants it" well then ask them if they want it now.
If not..out it goes.

But if you must insist on keeping stuff then go rent a storage unit. Stick it all in there.
Then your kids only need to open the door and hold a sale from there.

You can't have both and it seems to be tearing you apart.
I'm not really going to sweat over the Hoover, lol. It's the aggregate of all these decisions that can get to one who is seriously trying to downsize. What if I had that push-pull attitude with everything I'm wanting to get rid of? I'd always be stuck at square one.

With many items, it's a no-brainer OUT.

With a few items, it's OUT. No, wait....

Sometimes when you're pared down really far, it's the final things left that are the hardest to decide. That's what I've experienced in moving to the Midwest and back twice in my life, and then moving from our previous house to this one. It's those last few things....especially the week before moving day.
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Old 07-19-2014, 03:34 PM
 
Location: Near a river
16,042 posts, read 18,969,510 times
Reputation: 15649
Quote:
Originally Posted by CCc girl View Post
negirl, you have to have faith and not worry about what mountains of crap you leave behind.

You can be realistic now and do your part, but ultimately today is all we have and should be lived. You deserve to be happy today, everyday.

Have you spoken to your kids about this fear?

I had a vacuum on every level, I miss having one downstairs now (it died). The one in the attic is priceless for getting up mouse dung and wasps.

hugs{{{{{{{{{}}}}}}}}
It's more of a concern than a fear. Half has to do with burdening family, the other half to do with gearing up for the final SFH. Don't want to move all that crap! even if most of it is really nice.

How are you doing on your downsize for your vertical-country move?
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Old 07-19-2014, 04:36 PM
 
Location: UpstateNY
8,612 posts, read 8,297,923 times
Reputation: 7522
negirl, is there a deadline? I could see the angst factor if there is, or is this a constant battle of what if? I have BTDT and gave my anxiety to a higher power. I am done. I can only control what I can control.

I have fort five items scheduled to launch tonight. I went through my books again and ditched another third. Let's just say my faith has taken a new direction.

I have been diligent and trying to balance my mothers' attempts at issuing deadlines and manipulate me into being down there sooner than our fall 2015 schedule.

Last night I found out the house she bought for us was beat up badly by the tenant who is leaving and breaking the lease.

She also accepted an offer on her house.

So she is planning on moving into the house for us.

It seems the plan changes monthly. Which is fine, it gives me the time I need wothout her badgering me.

It also will let her live there and really repair and manicure the place. If she keeps it she will probably get us another place. I suspect the country life will lose its luster as she has no friends there.

We shall see; I just keep on the plan and hope and pray.
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Old 07-19-2014, 04:45 PM
 
Location: Near a river
16,042 posts, read 18,969,510 times
Reputation: 15649
Quote:
Originally Posted by CCc girl View Post
negirl, is there a deadline? I could see the angst factor if there is, or is this a constant battle of what if? I have BTDT and gave my anxiety to a higher power. I am done. I can only control what I can control.
Yes. We've decided that if we are going to sell at all (and move) while we're still kicking, it's listing the property in 2015. Getting rid of things over the winter (in the north, as you know) is really hard. You cannot have winter yard sales, and hauling things away in the bitter cold snow sleet is no easy task, I've done it twice for elders. Listing items on C-list in winter and having people troop into your house in their messy boots, not good. So the window of opp, for us, is now through fall and then again in the spring, and I hope we will be down to just what we want and need by spring. I hate yard sales. So it's Nov. 1.
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