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Old 06-21-2014, 05:15 PM
 
Location: Florida -
8,767 posts, read 10,851,233 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Townandcountrygal View Post
Assuming you live to be in your 80s and 90s and may require assisted living, how are you planning for it if you have only SS plus a modest pension, don't have Long Term Care Insurance or relatives to depend on?
"If" seems to be the operative word here. As with retirement planning, the time to do 'older age' planning is before one gets there. Beyond that point, one may be able to 'shuffle' their resources (house, etc) more effectively, but, one cannot 'plan' for what they do not have. Along these lines, many 'older' folks live on their own with SS alone and no pension (modest or otherwise).

Not everyone needs or can afford an ALF or SNF ($40-$80K per year in today's dollars). Those with a home can potentially convert that. Those without, often look to reduce their resources outside of the 3-5-year 'lookback window', so as to qualify for government-assisted ALF/SNF.

We have planned ahead, as best we could, and between SS, Pension, LTC insurance, Annuity, and other resources, and should be fine. However, based on statistics and media claims about how few are even prepared for retirement, I can certainly understand the concerns of many. I suspect that many are not even thinking about their 80's and 90's -- or are simply hoping that those years will somehow take care of themselves.
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Old 06-22-2014, 01:35 PM
 
Location: SW MO
23,605 posts, read 31,497,588 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Townandcountrygal View Post
Assuming you live to be in your 80s and 90s and may require assisted living, how are you planning for it if you have only SS plus a modest pension, don't have Long Term Care Insurance or relatives to depend on?
Plan? Ya mean we should have a plan?

Both of my parents died young. I've already outlived my mother and in just over three years will have outlived my father. I have some fairly severe neurological issues from which I doubt I'll recover much if any more than I have since surgery. My wife has horrendous back issues and neuropathy so both of us are very hindered and I've become her fulltime caregiver. We can still shop, cook and provide our own transportation but now have a housekeeper who comes in regularly and have our yards mowed and trimmed and the gardens attended to periodically because we can no longer do as much as is needed.

We live in our own home with a very manageable mortgage and don't give a fig about paying it off. The proceeds once we assume room temperature would just go to the children anyway and that's not high on our list of priorities. If I go first, which is likely, my wife would be fine financially as she would receive my pension payments in full as well as an increase in her Social Security to match mine which is quite a bit higher than hers. Mean while we do alright an d I don't plan to spend any time in a nursing home. Were it to come to that and in lieu of it, I would simply ensure reaching my expiration date one way or another.

Neither of us would ever agree to be burdens on our children and hers are unreliable anyway. Mine could and perhaps would see to my continued care but I won't have it. No veterans home, no SNF and like an old soldier, just fade away. My wife feels as I do. We wouldn't want to live without one another anyway.

We plan to die at home or not at all. Does that constitute a plan?
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Old 06-22-2014, 01:40 PM
 
Location: Near a river
16,042 posts, read 18,985,208 times
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I'm curious to ask those who've moved far away from family, how do you feel if your family members can't be with you when you're dying? Nearly every obit I read says "died surrounded by loving family." I have much mixed feelings about that.
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Old 06-22-2014, 01:52 PM
 
13,046 posts, read 15,403,539 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Curmudgeon View Post
Mean while we do alright an d I don't plan to spend any time in a nursing home. Were it to come to that and in lieu of it, I would simply ensure reaching my expiration date one way or another.

Neither of us would ever agree to be burdens on our children and hers are unreliable anyway. Mine could and perhaps would see to my continued care but I won't have it. No veterans home, no SNF and like an old soldier, just fade away. My wife feels as I do. We wouldn't want to live without one another anyway.

We plan to die at home or not at all. Does that constitute a plan?
Yep, exactly how I feel and what I posted above. That's what my dad die. He just kept quiet when he knew his cancer had returned because he preferred dying to his life being prolonged with him in a nursing facility or hospital.

Someone pointed out that you can only do that as long as your mind doesn't give out on you first and that is true. But at least if my mind were to go first I wouldn't be aware of what was happening.

100 years ago, people didn't have long protracted illnesses. They lived fairly healthy, active lives up until the end. If they were cared for by family members, it was a matter of months - not years. I'm not convinced that the medical interventions that prolong life for several more years, but don't ensure quality of life, are a good thing. I'd rather do it like the old days - live a healthy life up until I get sick, and then be gone within a few weeks or months.
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Old 06-22-2014, 02:02 PM
 
20,175 posts, read 11,177,864 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by luzianne View Post
100 years ago, people didn't have long protracted illnesses. They lived fairly healthy, active lives up until the end. If they were cared for by family members, it was a matter of months - not years. I'm not convinced that the medical interventions that prolong life for several more years, but don't ensure quality of life, are a good thing. I'd rather do it like the old days - live a healthy life up until I get sick, and then be gone within a few weeks or months.
That is where I've been giving a lot of thought to my mother's situation. Immediately after she had her accident, she was on life support and the doctors were able to diagnose the fact that her frontal lobes had been destroyed. If we had immediately taken her off life support, she would have died.

Although I would soon be identified as her legal guardian (my father was already dead and I'm an only child), her sisters did weigh in on the situation, and so a quick removal of life support was out of the question. But within a few weeks, the rest of her brain healed sufficiently that when we did all agree to remove life support...she continued living.

So then, there was an entirely new moral dilemma--it wasn't just a question of removing extraordinary life support measures, now that her level of care was about the same as with a newborn baby, and it would require an active decision to kill her.

I'm convinced that a more rational concept of how we will deal with death and dying is necessary, and just as necessary among Christians (who ought to have a fairly ready acceptance of death) as among anyone else.
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Old 06-22-2014, 02:02 PM
 
Location: somewhere in the woods
16,884 posts, read 13,040,866 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Townandcountrygal View Post
Assuming you live to be in your 80s and 90s and may require assisted living, how are you planning for it if you have only SS plus a modest pension, don't have Long Term Care Insurance or relatives to depend on?


mom taught all of us kids to not even count SS in for your pension, then it is just extra money when you get it. I am 51 and retired, making in excess of 40k a year and planned it for me to last until I am 85. if I die before then, then my daughters get to split it up with what is left.

If I live past 85, then I do have precious metals I can sell to make a living if need be. maybe gold will be more expensive in 34 years.
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Old 06-22-2014, 02:20 PM
 
Location: SoCal desert
8,093 posts, read 13,238,618 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by newenglandgirl View Post
I'm curious to ask those who've moved far away from family, how do you feel if your family members can't be with you when you're dying? Nearly every obit I read says "died surrounded by loving family." I have much mixed feelings about that.
"Being surrounded by family" is for the family.
Just like funerals are for the family.

Dying is done alone.
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Old 06-22-2014, 02:36 PM
 
Location: Near a river
16,042 posts, read 18,985,208 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Gandalara View Post
"Being surrounded by family" is for the family.
Just like funerals are for the family.

Dying is done alone.
But what about sensing the presence of your loved ones as you draw you last breath? I'm not sure, for me, that would be a comfort (though I love them), but for others it may be (if they're not out of it completely).
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Old 06-22-2014, 02:39 PM
 
10,818 posts, read 8,069,111 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ariadne22 View Post
Around here, rentals are not passive. Far from it. Rentals require tenant screening (background checks/credit reports), not to mention property maintenance. Of course, you are more rural and that area may not require the attentiveness property an area of several million people requires. I would never rent my house when I was old and infirm unless it was to someone very close who would take care of whatever needed taking care of and maybe wanted to buy the place. Gave up the tenant business 20 years ago and sure wouldn't want to go back to that aggravation - now or later. Nonpayment, damage, job loss, lies, maintenance, bah. City rentals - I don't think so. As mathjak always says, my portfolio doesn't require paint, nor does my portfolio call me in the middle of night should the basement flood or the furnace go out.
We used a real estate office to handle the applications and screening for my MIL's house. Their fee was the first month's rent, worth every penny to us. We told them to be very strict on credit history, personal references, etc. Included in that fee, they also handled the first year's collections of rent, including problems with late and non-payment and subsequent notices of eviction, etc. had there been any necessary.

You're right though, that being a landlord is not for the weak-of-heart. We had rental properties for years and DH actually enjoys that type work, which is as much about knowing the right tradespeople as it is being able to do small fix-ups himself.
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Old 06-22-2014, 03:52 PM
 
Location: SoCal desert
8,093 posts, read 13,238,618 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by newenglandgirl I'm curious to ask those who've moved far away from family, how do you feel if your family members can't be with you when you're dying? Nearly every obit I read says "died surrounded by loving family." I have much mixed feelings about that.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gandalara View Post
"Being surrounded by family" is for the family.
Just like funerals are for the family.

Dying is done alone.
Quote:
Originally Posted by newenglandgirl View Post
But what about sensing the presence of your loved ones as you draw you last breath? I'm not sure, for me, that would be a comfort (though I love them), but for others it may be (if they're not out of it completely).
I'll stick with my original opinion. I wish I had kept the hospice book the nurse gave me, it explained it much better than I can. Basically it said a dying person is in their own world, as their body shuts down.

"Sensing the presence of your loved ones" sounds like a Hollywood version of what people want it to be -- dispensing final words of wisdom before taking a last breath and slipping away.
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