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Old 06-22-2014, 04:14 PM
 
Location: SW MO
23,605 posts, read 31,552,600 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by newenglandgirl View Post
I'm curious to ask those who've moved far away from family, how do you feel if your family members can't be with you when you're dying? Nearly every obit I read says "died surrounded by loving family." I have much mixed feelings about that.
My worst nightmare, and my wife's. With five daughters between us that's WAAAAY too much drama, especially as her two and my three don't get along at all. I'll pass, thank you veddy much!
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Old 06-22-2014, 04:36 PM
 
223 posts, read 276,007 times
Reputation: 443
I am 12 years younger than my husband, so we always planned that I would care for him at home for as long as possible. It would likely be cheaper to hire an aide or more skilled practitioner to handle more complex tasks and to give me a break. Additionally, I've thought about getting some sort of medical certification like an LPN credential by taking a few classes at a time. I already have college degrees, so I wouldn't have to bother with the English 101's and other basic classes.

For my own care, I'm not sure if my children would care for me or if I'd end up in a facility of some sort. We're doing our best to ensure that our retirement homes are on one floor and wheelchair accessible.
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Old 06-22-2014, 04:38 PM
 
Location: Near a river
16,042 posts, read 19,024,159 times
Reputation: 15649
Quote:
Originally Posted by Curmudgeon View Post
My worst nightmare, and my wife's. With five daughters between us that's WAAAAY too much drama, especially as her two and my three don't get along at all. I'll pass, thank you veddy much!
Your post reminds me of the comic opera "Gianni Schicchi" by Italian composer Puccini. The relatives surrounding the bed of the dying wealthy Buoso Donati (originally set in 13thC Florence, Italy) start off grieving and then all hell breaks loose when they get wind of what's in his will. The opera is just one act.

Gianni Schicchi (Glyndebourne 2004) - Giacomo Puccini - Opera with English Subtitles - YouTube

Gianni Schicchi is the scoundrel they bring in to alter the will. So Curmudgeon, depending on what you're leaving to your heirs, you may be surrounded by more folks than you think, LOL.
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Old 06-22-2014, 04:59 PM
 
Location: St. George, Utah
756 posts, read 886,971 times
Reputation: 1971
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ariadne22 View Post
Around here, rentals are not passive. Far from it. Rentals require tenant screening (background checks/credit reports), not to mention property maintenance. Of course, you are more rural and that area may not require the attentiveness property an area of several million people requires. I would never rent my house when I was old and infirm unless it was to someone very close who would take care of whatever needed taking care of and maybe wanted to buy the place. Gave up the tenant business 20 years ago and sure wouldn't want to go back to that aggravation - now or later. Nonpayment, damage, job loss, lies, maintenance, bah. City rentals - I don't think so. As mathjak always says, my portfolio doesn't require paint, nor does my portfolio call me in the middle of night should the basement flood or the furnace go out.


Generally, the time to find nursing home beds is when you have assets. CD posters in the past have said entrance into the facility of your choice is far more doable when one has at least a year's assets left. Once those assets are exhausted, generally you can stay in that same facility on Medicaid. But trying to enter the facility of your choice with only Medicaid to pick up the difference between your income and the cost of the facility limits one's options considerably.
Yes, we've giggled at the term "passive income" more than once too. There is certainly plenty of "work" to be done with rentals. But if they are chosen carefully and managed well, either by owner or by a good PM, we think they're great. We have been a little distracted with other real estate interests lately, but will need to be looking at two or three solid units in good neighborhoods in the next few years if it's going to help us out in retirement. These units will be chosen with an eye for ease of management, somewhat unlike, say, the first duplex we ever owned as a young couple when we had all the energy and enthusiasm (and were completely clueless about stuff like...liability...lol) to put into our fixer investment property in a bohemian neighborhood!


As far as getting into a nursing home before assets are exhausted, I may just have to show your post (and many others!) to my father, who is POA for my Grandma and seems clueless about all of this as much as I tray to explain it. I can care for her now, but as her needs change/increase that might not be the case. It seems like our willingness to have her here has allowed everyone else involved to just back away slowly and not worry about making an ongoing plan--we are the ones who will pick up the pieces if they are unable to find an appropriate and acceptable placement for her later as a result of their severe denial. First they hoped she would "fade away" and die in her home, and now I suppose they are thinking she will quietly expire in my home. The reality is that not everyone gets to go that way.

What is the fear of nursing homes, for those of you who say "never never," and "I'll just make sure it doesn't happen"? (Which...how does that work, exactly? If your plan is to "check out" before life becomes no longer worth living in your view, do you have a specific plan that you'll be able to implement should you be incapacitated physically and/or mentally? I don't really get how that will work, but my parents consider such statements a "plan"....Just wondering how that's going to happen.) I know there are some warehouses, but not all of those places are so terrible that I'd rather die than live in one. Apple sauce & T.V. Sound good to me.
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Old 06-23-2014, 08:59 AM
 
Location: Living on the Coast in Oxnard CA
15,775 posts, read 26,846,601 times
Reputation: 20440
Quote:
Originally Posted by newenglandgirl View Post
Did you read the OP? She doesn't want to know how well you're doing. She has a question for herself and others in her situation.
The OP is not dead yet. People are living much longer now. If the OP failed to prepare for retirement the possibility to retire well is still there. Besides the tag line for this thread stated "How are you planning for your late senior years? I answered the question on how I am doing it. The truth of the matter is that we all know what we have to do. everyone knows that Social Security is not going to pay anyone a living. You can not survive on it. Anyone who fails to prepare after having all the facts in front of them for many years does not have my sympathy.
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Old 06-23-2014, 12:04 PM
 
Location: Baltimore, MD
3,747 posts, read 4,230,778 times
Reputation: 6867
Quote:
Originally Posted by Montanama View Post
<snip> Apple sauce & T.V. Sound good to me.
If you're three years old.
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Old 06-23-2014, 12:07 PM
 
Location: Oxygen Ln. AZ
9,321 posts, read 16,606,625 times
Reputation: 5692
I am planning to die before I get that old.
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Old 06-23-2014, 12:34 PM
 
Location: Near a river
16,042 posts, read 19,024,159 times
Reputation: 15649
Quote:
Originally Posted by SOON2BNSURPRISE View Post
Anyone who fails to prepare after having all the facts in front of them for many years does not have my sympathy.
That may be the case, but she did ask a specific question relevant to her situation, not to those not in her specific situation. That's all I was pointing out.
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Old 06-23-2014, 01:45 PM
 
Location: St. George, Utah
756 posts, read 886,971 times
Reputation: 1971
Quote:
Originally Posted by lenora View Post
If you're three years old.
Yes, or 93 (which is the point). Simple pleasures seem to go pretty far with my grandmother, who is 92. I think your world just gets smaller. Not necessarily a reason to check out, is it?
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Old 06-23-2014, 08:15 PM
 
Location: SW MO
23,605 posts, read 31,552,600 times
Reputation: 29083
Quote:
Originally Posted by newenglandgirl View Post
So Curmudgeon, depending on what you're leaving to your heirs, you may be surrounded by more folks than you think, LOL.
Pfft! They'll be lucky to get the cost of a bus ticket back home!
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