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Old 07-02-2014, 08:30 AM
 
Location: middle tennessee
1,926 posts, read 995,239 times
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AZDB, so sorry to hear your sister's story. Ani, I think you are missing the importance of the patient's weight, not so much as it applies to care that is available through "the system" as it does to finding people who are willing and able to provide the care.
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Old 07-02-2014, 08:46 AM
 
Location: Verde Valley AZ
8,629 posts, read 9,703,348 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by anifani821 View Post
This sounds like a deteriorating situation. I am so sorry that you and your nieces and nephews are not getting cooperation (from your sister as well as from "the system").

Is there a niece or nephew who can communicate directly with your sister's care team should she be admitted to the hospital again? Has she had a psychological or neurological assessment?

She should qualify under the right circumstances for in-home care but it sounds like she has been uncooperative in the past with having them in her home to help her.

Someone needs to speak with the administration at nursing homes to see where there are placements available. See if there is paperwork that can be filled out and on file for the future.

Find out if anyone has her POA so they can deal directly with Medicare and find out what is and isn't possible when she is next hospitalized.

Is there any history of early onset Alzheimers in your family?

I can't believe that your sister really wants to be in pain and have to keep going back to the hospital (and it sounds like she is in denial - and that the rest of you simply cannot convince her to do what is needed to take care of herself). She may feel she wants to stay in her home but to be that young and in such bad shape . . . it really sounds like there are other issues with her health (mental health? undiagnosed disease?) that are keeping her from thinking clearly.
It is definitely a "deteriorating situation". My nephew and both nieces live close by, monitor her as best they can but she's an ungrateful little wench. She complains constantly that her kids never go see her, help her, etc. when they are there ALL the time. They ALL try to communicate with her doctors, etc. but they don't seem to take them all that seriously. I just don't understand that when they can SEE things are quite "right" with her. She's been on disability, Medicare and Medicade for a very long time so they know all the ins and outs involved.

She is highly qualified for in home care. They keep sending people and she keeps sending them away. She gets mad when they INSIST she shower...and she even had a gorgeous walk in shower installed for her. Even as a kid she had an aversion to bathing and nobody has ever known why. Sigh.

She won't 'allow' any of her kids to have a POA. She does have a 'man friend' who has done some things for her but I think she expects a whole lot more from him than he'd ever be willing to give. He has a girlfriend that he's kept from her for several years. Anyway, she signed over everything she owns to HIM...to keep her kids from getting it. They just laugh because she really doesn't have anything and they aren't interested in her Coca Cola collection. This guy has been getting her checks every month and nobody knows what he's doing with them. Her bills are paltry and he's been paying them...with my nephews INSISTANCE...but who knows what happens to the rest? When she found out he was "two timing" her...which he really wasn't because he's NEVER had the same feelings for her...she told Mom she was going to take his name off of everything but hasn't bothered.

No, no Alzheimers, except for one aunt a long time ago. She has been 'assessed and evaluated' many times. Her mind is still sharp actually but she's a stubborn pig headed little fool and always has been. She has a way of making people believe what she says, sounds very sincere, etc. but she's calculating and manipulative. Gives all the "right answers" to everything... I was present for one of those evals and caught the nurse in the hallway telling her to try to read between the lines.
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Old 07-02-2014, 08:50 AM
 
Location: Verde Valley AZ
8,629 posts, read 9,703,348 times
Reputation: 11024
Quote:
Originally Posted by boogie'smom View Post
AZDB, so sorry to hear your sister's story. Ani, I think you are missing the importance of the patient's weight, not so much as it applies to care that is available through "the system" as it does to finding people who are willing and able to provide the care.
My sisters weight is a huge factor. It's hard to get her up even with help! She did have a little dog that they finally made her get rid of. My nephew has replaced the floor and carpet THREE times because she couldn't even take care of the dog, let alone herself.
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Old 07-02-2014, 08:57 AM
 
Location: State of Being
35,885 posts, read 67,235,178 times
Reputation: 22386
Quote:
Originally Posted by AZDesertBrat View Post
It is definitely a "deteriorating situation". My nephew and both nieces live close by, monitor her as best they can but she's an ungrateful little wench. She complains constantly that her kids never go see her, help her, etc. when they are there ALL the time. They ALL try to communicate with her doctors, etc. but they don't seem to take them all that seriously. I just don't understand that when they can SEE things are quite "right" with her. She's been on disability, Medicare and Medicade for a very long time so they know all the ins and outs involved.

She is highly qualified for in home care. They keep sending people and she keeps sending them away. She gets mad when they INSIST she shower...and she even had a gorgeous walk in shower installed for her. Even as a kid she had an aversion to bathing and nobody has ever known why. Sigh.

She won't 'allow' any of her kids to have a POA. She does have a 'man friend' who has done some things for her but I think she expects a whole lot more from him than he'd ever be willing to give. He has a girlfriend that he's kept from her for several years. Anyway, she signed over everything she owns to HIM...to keep her kids from getting it. They just laugh because she really doesn't have anything and they aren't interested in her Coca Cola collection. This guy has been getting her checks every month and nobody knows what he's doing with them. Her bills are paltry and he's been paying them...with my nephews INSISTANCE...but who knows what happens to the rest? When she found out he was "two timing" her...which he really wasn't because he's NEVER had the same feelings for her...she told Mom she was going to take his name off of everything but hasn't bothered.

No, no Alzheimers, except for one aunt a long time ago. She has been 'assessed and evaluated' many times. Her mind is still sharp actually but she's a stubborn pig headed little fool and always has been. She has a way of making people believe what she says, sounds very sincere, etc. but she's calculating and manipulative. Gives all the "right answers" to everything... I was present for one of those evals and caught the nurse in the hallway telling her to try to read between the lines.
She needs a mental health evaluation. From a layman's perspective, it seems she may have a personality disorder and maybe getting that addressed would help with getting the medical side of this equation in order.

Sometimes, people have to be allowed to doom themselves. Perhaps if her family just backed off and didn't intervene at all, she would come up with new solutions for herself. Right now, she is center of the drama she continues to create.

I am so sorry that others must look on and see her downfall, but that may be what needs to happen. It appears to me she is getting some kind of perverse satisfaction out of creating all the drama (which is why I think it would be a good idea to have a mental health eval by someone who is specializes in personality disorders). Otherwise, if everyone backs off and lets her "self determine" her future . . . maybe she will change her own course once she doesn't have folks feeding her need for drama.
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Old 07-02-2014, 10:54 AM
 
Location: Baltimore, MD
3,746 posts, read 4,226,506 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AZDesertBrat View Post
My sisters weight is a huge factor. It's hard to get her up even with help! She did have a little dog that they finally made her get rid of. My nephew has replaced the floor and carpet THREE times because she couldn't even take care of the dog, let alone herself.
Is there any particular reason she has not undergone bariatric surgery?
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Old 07-02-2014, 03:25 PM
 
12,825 posts, read 20,170,095 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AZDesertBrat View Post
My sisters weight is a huge factor. It's hard to get her up even with help! She did have a little dog that they finally made her get rid of. My nephew has replaced the floor and carpet THREE times because she couldn't even take care of the dog, let alone herself.
There is equipment that can help a large person get up with the help of one person. I would get rid of the carpets for good.
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Old 07-02-2014, 04:33 PM
 
Location: Verde Valley AZ
8,629 posts, read 9,703,348 times
Reputation: 11024
Quote:
Originally Posted by anifani821 View Post
She needs a mental health evaluation. From a layman's perspective, it seems she may have a personality disorder and maybe getting that addressed would help with getting the medical side of this equation in order.

Sometimes, people have to be allowed to doom themselves. Perhaps if her family just backed off and didn't intervene at all, she would come up with new solutions for herself. Right now, she is center of the drama she continues to create.

I am so sorry that others must look on and see her downfall, but that may be what needs to happen. It appears to me she is getting some kind of perverse satisfaction out of creating all the drama (which is why I think it would be a good idea to have a mental health eval by someone who is specializes in personality disorders). Otherwise, if everyone backs off and lets her "self determine" her future . . . maybe she will change her own course once she doesn't have folks feeding her need for drama.
I have no idea what's on the agenda for her right now. She's had mental evals and physical evals up the kazoo. She's savvy enough to get through the mental testing. I was present for one of them and was amazed at the things she was telling them like, yes, she is able to dress/undress, shower, cook for herself, etc.. She can do NONE of those things anymore. She was getting meals on wheels and when my niece cleaned out her freezer she found 40 of them in there. Her 'man friend' keeps bringing her cakes, cookies, bags of candy and junk food that she shouldn't have. I think he's trying to kill her or something.

The family can't "back off". They would never do that. At this point all they can do is watch and do what they can to help. Both my nieces and nephews wife are ALL CNAs and have worked in nursing homes all over that city. They are knowledgeable, know HOW to help but if she won't let them...well. Yes, she creates her own drama and she's done it her whole life. It's a pretty engrained habit at this point.
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Old 07-02-2014, 04:34 PM
 
Location: Verde Valley AZ
8,629 posts, read 9,703,348 times
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Originally Posted by lenora View Post
Is there any particular reason she has not undergone bariatric surgery?
I have no idea. I don't think it's ever been suggested. If it has nobody told me.
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Old 07-02-2014, 04:37 PM
 
Location: Verde Valley AZ
8,629 posts, read 9,703,348 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BayAreaHillbilly View Post
There is equipment that can help a large person get up with the help of one person. I would get rid of the carpets for good.
Yes, and my sister has it all including the recliner that 'stands you up'. They did get rid of the carpets at one point and then, during the winter, the floors were freezing cold. She lives in So. Dakota and even good insulation didn't help. So the carpets went back in. That's not the problem. The "problem" is that she's lazy and won't try. She'll sit in that recliner 24/7.
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Old 07-02-2014, 04:41 PM
 
Location: State of Being
35,885 posts, read 67,235,178 times
Reputation: 22386
What a sad mess. Prayers for your family that your sister will come to her senses and do what needs to be done to either lose weight and be in better shape to take care of herself - or get some assistance so she can live a healthier life.
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