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Old 07-03-2014, 01:09 PM
 
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have your tried email My friends check in via email and get to the basics of what's been going on, then we talk on the phone every once in a while. At 65, I think you both could integrate that into your routine with each other and see what happens. People think more about what they write than what they say.
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Old 07-03-2014, 01:11 PM
 
Location: Near a river
16,042 posts, read 19,089,274 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by luvmyhoss View Post
You could introduce new topics.
Such as the news of the day.
Or updated news on people she knows.
Not with a few women I know. Unless it's a frivolous story like a dog who rescued a cat, lol.
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Old 07-03-2014, 01:16 PM
 
Location: Near a river
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Originally Posted by in_newengland View Post
I like the suggestion about asking her what she did yesterday or today. You could also say, "Let's not talk about the past, let's talk about now."
Oh in_NE, you wouldn't believe what that would bring up with my sisters and one or two women friends. It's a long litany of nail appts, hair appts, doctor appts, dog wash appts, and new aches and pains. And with that one friend, the same loop of unsolicited stuff that works in unsolicited advice. It's such a pleasure to be with a few friends with whom you can bring up interesting subjects that don't revert back to the health stuff, etc. I find that even among the more "educated" retiree friends, trivia and gossip is the focus.
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Old 07-03-2014, 01:40 PM
 
Location: Dallas, TX and Las Vegas, NV
5,773 posts, read 4,510,534 times
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Well, we have a lot of new things to talk about. Her son is going thru a divorce, a property I am buying, plans for vacations, etc. But each time we talk about new stuff she immediately pulls in old stories. Example: son and wife going thru divorce, when we discuss she lapses back to this couple's wedding and an incident that occurred there then tells me about it again *and again and again...

Another example: I knew her former husband. They have been divorced over 35 years, but frequently she launches into what a bad husband and father he was and tells me stories from that marriage. Stories I actually lived thru with her; other stories she's told me so many times.... I try and change the subject and it does work. But a few phone calls later there we go again...
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Old 07-03-2014, 02:39 PM
 
5,163 posts, read 2,829,516 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by loveautumn View Post
have your tried email My friends check in via email and get to the basics of what's been going on, then we talk on the phone every once in a while. At 65, I think you both could integrate that into your routine with each other and see what happens. People think more about what they write than what they say.
This is a great suggestion. My friend & I are about your age & have known each other since 1980. We have "broken up" several times thru the years but we still value the friendship & don't want to lose it altogether. In the future we may talk on the phone again but for now it's email, the modern day version of writing a letter (remember that?).

IMHO, I think your friend brings up the "old stuff" because you knew her back then & she has no one else to talk with about it. However,that does not mean you should have to listen to it!
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Old 07-03-2014, 02:56 PM
 
Location: State of Being
35,885 posts, read 67,428,262 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by WorldKlas View Post
Well, we have a lot of new things to talk about. Her son is going thru a divorce, a property I am buying, plans for vacations, etc. But each time we talk about new stuff she immediately pulls in old stories. Example: son and wife going thru divorce, when we discuss she lapses back to this couple's wedding and an incident that occurred there then tells me about it again *and again and again...

Another example: I knew her former husband. They have been divorced over 35 years, but frequently she launches into what a bad husband and father he was and tells me stories from that marriage. Stories I actually lived thru with her; other stories she's told me so many times.... I try and change the subject and it does work. But a few phone calls later there we go again...
Yes, this sounds soooo much like what I went through with a dear dear friend . . . and it just kept getting worse and worse (started happening in about 2006). And just like you - some of these stories would harken back decades and I had been RIGHT THERE with her when things had occurred. It was like she had forgotten we went through this stuff together. She was diagnosed with Alzheimers in 2011. Early onset.
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Old 07-03-2014, 03:13 PM
 
Location: ☀️ SWFL ⛱ 🌴
2,487 posts, read 1,710,801 times
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I'm thinking early dementia too, old stories on a continuous loop sends up warning flags, it sounds like my Mom. I love her and listen to it over and over, poor Dad.

Friends come and go. My one friend and I may not speak or email for months, but when we get together it's like we were never apart. We just click, she's a friend from when I first moved here and met through work. All my other work friends eventually drifted away, which happens when the connections break.

It sounds like you are ready to move on but she probably isn't since she's stuck in the past.
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Old 07-03-2014, 04:21 PM
 
4,504 posts, read 4,786,725 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by luvmyhoss View Post
You could introduce new topics.
Such as the news of the day.
Or updated news on people she knows.

Yes, agree, change the subject. And reality is that sometimes relationships run their course and end. Does this relationship enhance your life? Do you look forward to hearing from her? (not) Will it change, probably not unless you change your approach to it... if you want to continue it.
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Old 07-03-2014, 04:59 PM
 
Location: San Francisco, CA
88,253 posts, read 3,686,905 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rubi3 View Post
A similar situation caused me to get caller ID and I didn't tell my friend. I didn't always answer the phone when she called.
I've screened my calls for years. Sometimes I'm just not in the mood to talk to friends at that moment but will get back to them at my convenience.
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Old 07-03-2014, 05:31 PM
 
Location: Los Angeles area
14,018 posts, read 17,851,274 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by newenglandgirl View Post
Oh in_NE, you wouldn't believe what that would bring up with my sisters and one or two women friends. It's a long litany of nail appts, hair appts, doctor appts, dog wash appts, and new aches and pains. And with that one friend, the same loop of unsolicited stuff that works in unsolicited advice. It's such a pleasure to be with a few friends with whom you can bring up interesting subjects that don't revert back to the health stuff, etc. I find that even among the more "educated" retiree friends, trivia and gossip is the focus.
Doesn't the bolded part pretty much describe the City-Data Retirement Forum?
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