U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Retirement
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 07-03-2014, 10:11 AM
 
Location: Dallas, TX and Las Vegas, NV
5,699 posts, read 4,427,152 times
Reputation: 11685

Advertisements

We are both 65 year old women and have been friends since the 70's. We don't live near eachother but take the time to chat on the phone for about an hour once a week. I dearly love her. But she talks about the same things over and over. Tells me stories from a long time ago that I have heard countless times. It's driving me crazy to the point that I often don't feel like spending me time on her. Have you had this happen to you? How to handle it?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 07-03-2014, 10:23 AM
 
Location: NC
6,565 posts, read 7,991,101 times
Reputation: 13466
Could it be early dementia of a sort? Maybe you could handle it by agreeing up front to limit the call to a certain length of time, perhaps 10-15 minutes. Maybe you could offer more subjects to talk about.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-03-2014, 10:52 AM
 
Location: Sierra Nevada Land, CA
8,401 posts, read 9,150,073 times
Reputation: 13037
Quote:
Originally Posted by luv4horses View Post
Could it be early dementia of a sort? Maybe you could handle it by agreeing up front to limit the call to a certain length of time, perhaps 10-15 minutes. Maybe you could offer more subjects to talk about.
I would agree. It could be dementia.

Same things over and over. Only stories from the past. Two strong signs. Ask her what she did today or yesterday. Short term memory is the first to go.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-03-2014, 10:55 AM
 
35,108 posts, read 40,267,404 times
Reputation: 62061
Quote:
Originally Posted by WorldKlas View Post
We are both 65 year old women and have been friends since the 70's. We don't live near eachother but take the time to chat on the phone for about an hour once a week. I dearly love her. But she talks about the same things over and over. Tells me stories from a long time ago that I have heard countless times. It's driving me crazy to the point that I often don't feel like spending me time on her. Have you had this happen to you? How to handle it?

You have two choices here:

Continue to chat with this woman for an hour each week who has been your friend for many years
or
Quit taking her calls.

It is very simple to deal with this is and it is all your choice.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-03-2014, 11:08 AM
 
Location: USA
7,778 posts, read 10,147,686 times
Reputation: 11715
A similar situation caused me to get caller ID and I didn't tell my friend. I didn't always answer the phone when she called.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-03-2014, 11:24 AM
 
Location: Near a river
16,042 posts, read 18,985,208 times
Reputation: 15649
I doubt it's dementia. I have the same problems with my sisters and a "close" friend—the friend going over the same topics beating them to death every time I see her; the sisters (nearly my age) sticking to aches and pains, the weather, and the two complaining about each other to me (I'm sure they both compare notes on me as well). It's all tiresome.

You can't have an intelligent conversation about politics (they know what they know, period, no possibility of seeing all sides), or art/music/literature/films because they're only steeped in pop culture and light ditzy novels, and but it's mostly worse than that, it's trivia and gossip.

I don't mind engaging in trivia at parties and with folks I meet for the first time, but after you know someone several years or a hundred years there's got to be more substance than that. I'd even be up for a good argument about a relevant subject of our times, but if you don't go along with what they say they abruptly change the subject or hang up on me! (both sisters have done that, even when I've patiently listened to their views).

Who is it on here who has the byline "the more I see of people the more I love my dogs"? old_cold!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-03-2014, 11:34 AM
 
1,774 posts, read 2,444,536 times
Reputation: 5169
Maybe you've both run out of things to talk about. How about shortening the phone call or maybe both reading the same book and talking about it the next phone call? The dementia thing could be the issue. Regardless, it's sad. About once a week or so I talk to my 92 year old friend who lives by herself up in the Gila Wilderness here in NM. She has memory problems but the more we talk, the more I encourage her, the more she suddenly starts to recall. Her problem is she gets very stressed about NOT remembering and that causes her to remember even less. So the first order of business is to calm her down.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-03-2014, 12:52 PM
 
Location: too far from the sea
19,848 posts, read 18,874,270 times
Reputation: 33760
I like the suggestion about asking her what she did yesterday or today. You could also say, "Let's not talk about the past, let's talk about now."
__________________
my posts as moderator will be in red. Moderator: Health&Wellness~Genealogy. The Rules--read here>>> TOS. If someone attacks you, do not reply. Hit REPORT.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-03-2014, 12:56 PM
 
Location: in the miseries
3,302 posts, read 3,581,865 times
Reputation: 3810
You could introduce new topics.
Such as the news of the day.
Or updated news on people she knows.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-03-2014, 01:04 PM
 
Location: Florida
2,291 posts, read 4,949,120 times
Reputation: 5236
I will say that the women I have that problem women are/were SAHM's or worked in menial jobs, the other's seem to have dementia. In either case, their brains are like continuous loops, same boring stuff, over and over again.

Me, I had to cut back on the time I either TT them or met with them, it was in my control, and, I handled it.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Retirement
Similar Threads
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top