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Old 07-14-2014, 11:45 AM
 
2 posts, read 1,256 times
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I'm 65 and husb is 63. I work 18 hours a week(3 days) and have my own business in a pricey downtown office. He works from home on his own business music related, and we both love our work.
The problem is we live in a great 3 room condo w a lovely patio that i enjoy gardening in. He loves TV and has to have it on all the time when he is in LR, our common space. I HATE the TV. He wont wear headphones.

I am thinking to save our marriage we need to move to bigger space, and i found a townhome with double the space down the street, but HOA are double ours (270), and taxes double. Basically, our monthly costs would go up $350 per month, and our mortgage would go up from 836 to $1200 ish. Plus no garden..

I plan to take my social security at 66, which would cover the costs, but i had hoped to use it for travel, which we really dont make enough to afford now. We mostly live off my salary, but his business has the potential to bring in a few thousand per month, currently its not up and running yet. Oh, and we have 10 yrs left on our mortgage.

Help! Quality of life vs more stress financially in our last part of life. One more piece of information: i will inherit a large sum of money in 10 years or so, but i will be 75 and want to travel now......
What would you do? Curious to hear your thoughts.
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Old 07-14-2014, 12:12 PM
 
Location: middle tennessee
1,927 posts, read 998,246 times
Reputation: 7025
Oh this is going to sound mean.

Would he agree to have the tv any way he likes it while you are at work and then switch to some sort of personal device when you are home? I see them advertised. I'm not sure what they're called.

If he flat out refuses to compromise, knowing how much it bothers you, then I don't think you will be happy spending more money and losing your patio.

If it was me, I would most likely spend my time in the new, more expensive place watching him watch tv and building up a ton of resentment.

If you do decide moving is the best option, look for a place where you can garden.

good luck.
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Old 07-14-2014, 12:29 PM
 
4,497 posts, read 4,762,716 times
Reputation: 9987
Why can't you make one of those 3 bedrooms his room and let him close the door and then you can have a huge sigh of relief!! Do you talk with each other? Can you be totally honest about it?

Heavens, how I love living alone!

Last edited by brava4; 07-14-2014 at 12:42 PM..
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Old 07-14-2014, 12:38 PM
 
Location: Sierra Nevada Land, CA
8,427 posts, read 9,181,165 times
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This thread should be in the relationships forum
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Old 07-14-2014, 12:40 PM
 
Location: Phoenix, AZ > Raleigh, NC
15,119 posts, read 19,102,507 times
Reputation: 24257
Quote:
Originally Posted by brava4 View Post
Why can't you make of those 3 bedrooms his room and let him close the door and then you can have a huge sigh of relief!! Do you talk with each other? Can you be totally honest about it?

Heavens, how I love living alone!
Good points.

My husband wears hearing aids, but prefers not to wear them in the house. Hence, the tv audio is turned up to the point that it makes my teeth hurt. Years ago, I insisted he try those TV ears. He hated the idea, but agreed to try (mostly because he knew that Costco would take them back). After a day or two of using them, he asked why I hadn't just purchased them a long time ago.

They broke quickly (flimsy design), but were quickly replaced with wireless over the ear headphones.

He enjoys the TV so much more because he can hear everything that is being said. And I can sleep in, while he watches early in the morning. And I can be blissfully unaware of the political crap he insists on watching while I happily read a book. I swear those things have saved our marriage and maybe my sanity.

I cannot in my wildest dreams imagine leaving a home I love to move to one that is unappealing and more costly because the guy I live with refuses to wear headphones when he watches TV, or to move into a room and close the door behind him. I suspect I'd be packing his bags and sending him out the door. I'd let him take the TV, but not the dog.
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Old 07-14-2014, 12:48 PM
 
Location: SoCal desert
8,093 posts, read 13,261,816 times
Reputation: 14870
Quote:
Originally Posted by Marlaf View Post
The problem is we live in a great 3 room condo w a lovely patio that i enjoy gardening in.
Quote:
Originally Posted by brava4 View Post
Why can't you make one of those 3 bedrooms his room and let him close the door and then you can have a huge sigh of relief!!
Is it 3 rooms ... or 3 bedrooms??
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Old 07-14-2014, 12:50 PM
 
4,497 posts, read 4,762,716 times
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Good Lord, if it is 3 rooms and not 3 bedrooms... Buy a good frying pan. Amen
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Old 07-14-2014, 01:39 PM
 
Location: Florida -
8,777 posts, read 10,885,544 times
Reputation: 16675
I'm not a big TV fan, but, I've had periodic hearing problems (allergy-related). During those times, my wife insists that the TV is so loud it hurts her ears --so, I generally turn it down, which causes me to lose much of the audio. In the past, I've used wireless headphones and really like them. They allow me to adjust the sound levels to whatever I need to pick-up the voices and music; I can wear them in other rooms, including outside on the patio, and still hear the music (or TV); I can watch TV in bed late at night without disturbing my wife; they also allow me to pick-up on conversations in my area.

Buy your husband a small, but, effective set of wireless earphones. Ask him to try them out for a few days. (Get them somewhere that you can return them if you really need to do so). My guess is that he will discover that he hears much better than without them and that they really don't get in the way. If that doesn't work, you may need to buy a set of ear phones for yourself, so you can listen to music or books or ??... without having to hear the TV all the time.

Another alternative might be a DVR that will allow him to record whatever programs he wants to listen to, when you aren't around ... and skip the commercials. (This generally allows one to view the same programs in about half the time!).
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Old 07-14-2014, 03:34 PM
 
Location: Florida
4,386 posts, read 3,730,501 times
Reputation: 4134
Try getting a set of noise canceling headphones that you can wear.

Bose - Better Sound Through Research
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Old 07-14-2014, 03:46 PM
 
Location: SoCal desert
8,093 posts, read 13,261,816 times
Reputation: 14870
Quote:
Originally Posted by Marlaf View Post
I'm 65 and husb is 63. I work 18 hours a week(3 days) and have my own business in a pricey downtown office. He works from home on his own business music related, and we both love our work.
The problem is we live in a great 3 room condo w a lovely patio that i enjoy gardening in. He loves TV and has to have it on all the time when he is in LR, our common space. I HATE the TV. He wont wear headphones.

I am thinking to save our marriage we need to move to bigger space, and i found a townhome with double the space down the street, but HOA are double ours (270), and taxes double. Basically, our monthly costs would go up $350 per month, and our mortgage would go up from 836 to $1200 ish. Plus no garden..

I plan to take my social security at 66, which would cover the costs, but i had hoped to use it for travel, which we really dont make enough to afford now. We mostly live off my salary, but his business has the potential to bring in a few thousand per month, currently its not up and running yet. Oh, and we have 10 yrs left on our mortgage.

Help! Quality of life vs more stress financially in our last part of life. One more piece of information: i will inherit a large sum of money in 10 years or so, but i will be 75 and want to travel now......
What would you do? Curious to hear your thoughts.
No need to move - I suggest they stay in their current place, and that she get headphones
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