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Old 07-14-2014, 05:22 PM
 
Location: Sierra Nevada Land, CA
8,411 posts, read 9,162,606 times
Reputation: 13130

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Fran66 View Post
Well, I think I've got 10 more decent years. I'll see where I'm at when I'm 75. If I don't like the view -- I know what to do and how to do it.
Just a word of caution. If you plan to be very old by age 75, I can guarantee that will be the case. Barring an accident (which can happen at any age) or a stroke your mindset has a big influence on ageing.

Look at the active 85 year olds. Ask what their mindset is about. None of them decided they were going to be very old by age 80.

I used to think I'd rather be dead than 82. That was 10 years ago. Things have changed that much in only 10 years. I've been exposed to much living where I do. My FIL drove till he was 88. He died five years ago at 92. Last season they had the Senior Games at the local ski resort. The oldest skier was 93. One instructor was 86. He recently died. There are mtn bikers in their 80s.

Last edited by Mr5150; 07-14-2014 at 05:32 PM..
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Old 07-14-2014, 05:27 PM
 
Location: too far from the sea
19,894 posts, read 18,907,505 times
Reputation: 33821
I don't see how you can plan for something that you don't know about. If we could see into the future, we could plan for it.

Another thing, you can have the best carers but get the worst care. Think of all the elderly people who get fleeced by the "nice" workers who come into their homes to help them. There is elder abuse everywhere, including nursing homes. If I hadn't been there for my mother, no one would have cut up the food on her plate so she could eat. At night when she wanted a bedpan, the lowlife night worker told her to wet the bed and swore at her. My mother was sweet and certainly didn't deserve that treatment. This was in a well to do town and in a beautiful looking nursing home. I finally quit my job so that I could be there for her and take care of her. I would get a blanket for her or help her into a chair. None of those nursing home workers even cared. I hope this isn't a sign of what we have to look forward to. (boy, this is getting depressing.)
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Old 07-14-2014, 05:29 PM
 
1,980 posts, read 2,729,254 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by theoldnorthstate View Post
seems like a lot of dark thinking to me.

you do the best you can and plan ahead. put 'security and care' systems in place, then live your life.
I lived, for 18 months, in a place full of elderly people. I've seen more than I ever wanted to see, about old age. When we get elderly -- it's dark. Why pretend it will be otherwise.
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Old 07-14-2014, 05:29 PM
 
323 posts, read 419,599 times
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I'm a retired nurse, just turned 60. I walk 5 miles a day and spend a lot of time on the internet using my mind. I love the internet, it is a mind link. But I hope I fall off my horse at full gallop on a fine day.
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Old 07-14-2014, 05:36 PM
 
Location: in the miseries
3,302 posts, read 3,585,481 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Fran66 View Post
Someone posted something in another forum, and it started me thinking: When the time comes that we -- or our spouse -- or both -- are becoming more and more physically incapacitated, due to age and/or due to illness or injury -- what are our plans for that time? Or do we just not think about things like this?

What will we do if we can't drive, can't make our own meals (I've known elderly people who have a steady diet of frozen foods, defrosted in the microwave -- ugh)? Can't clean our house? Can't drive? Can't grocery shop? Especially those of us who are single and widowed. But this affects couples too.

I know a (widowed) woman who was in her living room recliner for three days before someone found her. Another (widowed) woman, with the beginnings of Alzheimer's, who was conscious and on her bathroom floor for 24 hours. A man who died, in his filthy apartment, and wasn't discovered for at least two days. An elderly couple -- with plenty of family -- who decided to take their own lives. I could go on but you get the picture.

Getting really old is going to be difficult for a lot of us.

I think I've just not wanted to think about this. I think I've always told myself that 'somehow I will manage'. But -- that probably is not going to happen.

If this has been discussed before, just ignore this. I don't know -- I haven't been around in quite a while.
#1. Get a life alert button. Or a free cell phone.
Hopefully someone will notice. Usually Meals on Wheels.
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Old 07-14-2014, 05:36 PM
 
1,980 posts, read 2,729,254 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by in_newengland View Post
I don't see how you can plan for something that you don't know about. If we could see into the future, we could plan for it.

Another thing, you can have the best carers but get the worst care. Think of all the elderly people who get fleeced by the "nice" workers who come into their homes to help them. There is elder abuse everywhere, including nursing homes. If I hadn't been there for my mother, no one would have cut up the food on her plate so she could eat. At night when she wanted a bedpan, the lowlife night worker told her to wet the bed and swore at her. My mother was sweet and certainly didn't deserve that treatment. This was in a well to do town and in a beautiful looking nursing home. I finally quit my job so that I could be there for her and take care of her. I would get a blanket for her or help her into a chair. None of those nursing home workers even cared. I hope this isn't a sign of what we have to look forward to. (boy, this is getting depressing.)
Yes, it is depressing. And for those who cannot consider suicide -- I think it's extremely depressing.

Being elderly is usually very sad. It doesn't matter whether we have family or not -- it's a very sad state in The US.

The woman who was stuck in her living chair for three days -- ALL of her family -- her four adult children -- all of her quasi-adult grandchildren -- they all lived in town. One of her daughters was/is a retired nurse. Once a week someone would come over to her apartment to take her shopping and to clean her apartment. How could she not have been found for three days?? S just happens, I guess?

I recently read the results of a long-term study done by Boston University. Adult children don't want to care for their elderly parents. Boston U called it "an epidemic."

We had better have a few plans in place for different scenarios. Yes, we never know what is going to happen in the future -- but, all things being equal, at some point in the future, we're not going to be completely independent anymore.

Sorry -- we can end this now. I just got really shook up when I read that other poster's post.
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Old 07-14-2014, 05:51 PM
 
911 posts, read 714,777 times
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There was an elderly lady who died at Mt Rainier on a dayhike recently. She was an avid hiker, very skilled, but she simply died of hypothermia.
To tell the truth, I was jealous of her. What a way to go, in the mountains surrounded by beautiful scenery.

I just may get to the point where I say, "I've had enough, Life." Then I may just wander off into the mountains and not come out.
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Old 07-14-2014, 05:51 PM
 
2,429 posts, read 3,228,824 times
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Quote:
Some of my clients are really old, as you describe. They are in their 60s
uh....60s isn't 'really old.' 60's is YOUNG compared to how long lots of people are living these days. I'm not kidding. I'd say that people in their 60s are not even considered old, let alone 'really old.' The joke is 60 is the new 40...but it's pretty much true...IF you're healthy, of course.

------------

The things that we let run through our minds....that lead to nervous laughter.

A friend of mine and I sometimes joke that she's told an ex cop friend of her's 'just don't let her see the bullet coming,' and I sometimes joke that "I just want to be pushed down the stairs hard from behind." Of course, were joking about something that actually is not funny at all. But it does reflect the desire to NOT live if we can't have 'quality of life' and not live -- if your condition is such that you wish you WERE dead.

And all of that depends upon one's health. Simple as that.

My 88-year-old mom has dementia (presumed Alzheimer's), and really shouldn't be left alone now. She has enough money for about two year's private pay nursing care. And my family is about to make the decision now about keeping her (with a sibling) as long as possible....or considering a nursing home now while she can get into a good one as private pay. We have no doubt that she would go down hill faster in a facility. I'm meeting with a certified senior advisor, and we have an eldercare attorney that we use.

As for me, I'm SINK. I see no reason I shouldn't be able to private pay for 2-3 years in a facility if I have to go on public aid after that, so be it. Hopefully Gd won't let me suffer or be abused. I'm also thinking about buying in to a 'continuing care' community, but need to do more research on that.

I'm planning for the future, saving, investing and educating myself. BUT I'm not going to let all that stop me from spending, traveling and enjoying myself today. I just can't drive myself crazy worrying about it. Try to be smart about the planning, yes. Fret about unkowns....no.
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Old 07-14-2014, 05:54 PM
 
1,971 posts, read 2,494,276 times
Reputation: 2170
Quote:
Originally Posted by Fran66 View Post

I recently read the results of a long-term study done by Boston University. Adult children don't want to care for their elderly parents. Boston U called it "an epidemic."
I wonder if in the past people ever really "wanted" to care for their elderly parents?

My grandparents were nasty to my dad and his siblings. None of the kids want to deal with my grandma and she's 90. She's still nasty to them. She recently told my aunt that she had wasted her life being a stay at home mom. Needless to say, she is in a home.

In turn, my dad was mostly nasty to me growing up, and my mom just piled on. I think they have started to mellow out now that they are old. But even now, they can't get through a visit without being nasty or obnoxious in some manner. I appreciate everything they have done for me, but being around them for longer than about 20 minutes is always completely unpleasant.

It seems like in the past, parents and children got along even worse than they do now. So... I have a hard time believing there was any time adult children really were looking forward to dealing with their geriatric parents. Maybe people just died, so it wasn't an issue.
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Old 07-14-2014, 06:06 PM
 
Location: Sierra Nevada Land, CA
8,411 posts, read 9,162,606 times
Reputation: 13130
Bit of advice: don't let the fear of the future rob you of the enjoyment you could experience today.

Second bit of advice. Seen in my pastor's office-wall poster. Worry is good. It is a proven fact that 95% of stuff we worry about fails to come to pass. And often the other 5% is no where near as bad as we feared. So do worry! It causes things to go well!
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