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Old 07-15-2014, 10:56 AM
 
Location: Texas or Cascais, Portugal
3,414 posts, read 3,179,719 times
Reputation: 8269

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Not planning for old age is a bad approach. My dad was very active, bike riding, hiking, travel right up until he had a stroke at 88. Now he is in a wheelchair with left side paralysis and unable to care for himself. He lives with me and between my spouse and I and a part time nurses aide he is doing okay. The point is, you are active and vital until you aren't anymore. And if you don't have a plan for when you can no longer be independent you are suffering from wishful thinking. Most of us will eventually need help. Although it's not cheap, I have been paying for Long Term Care for years now and will continue to do so. If I can avoid a nursing home in my last years I will but, I would never expect family to take on the burden. It is too much to ask. My aunt is 88 with advanced dementia - she needs someone nearby 24/7. No family history - all of her siblings lived into their 90s without any dementia - just the luck of the draw. Bottom line - you can eat right, exercise, never smoke but you will still get old and eventually, the body will fail. Best to plan ahead.
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Old 07-15-2014, 11:01 AM
 
6 posts, read 6,827 times
Reputation: 20
Default It Is Never Going To Be Easy

Quote:
Originally Posted by Fran66 View Post
Someone posted something in another forum, and it started me thinking: When the time comes that we -- or our spouse -- or both -- are becoming more and more physically incapacitated, due to age and/or due to illness or injury -- what are our plans for that time? Or do we just not think about things like this?

What will we do if we can't drive, can't make our own meals (I've known elderly people who have a steady diet of frozen foods, defrosted in the microwave -- ugh)? Can't clean our house? Can't drive? Can't grocery shop? Especially those of us who are single and widowed. But this affects couples too.

I know a (widowed) woman who was in her living room recliner for three days before someone found her. Another (widowed) woman, with the beginnings of Alzheimer's, who was conscious and on her bathroom floor for 24 hours. A man who died, in his filthy apartment, and wasn't discovered for at least two days. An elderly couple -- with plenty of family -- who decided to take their own lives. I could go on but you get the picture.

Getting really old is going to be difficult for a lot of us.

I think I've just not wanted to think about this. I think I've always told myself that 'somehow I will manage'. But -- that probably is not going to happen.

If this has been discussed before, just ignore this. I don't know -- I haven't been around in quite a while.
-----------------------------------------
Aging Parents

We do not think about these things because we don't believe it will happen to us. Neither do we believe we will die. It is just not in our DNA.

That being said, we will get old, we will die.

So, prepare the best you can.

Exercise, walk, balance exercises, eat well, etc., keep your mind healthy and updated, and look at life as being happy, not sad.

Sing a song. Get out. If you get out and have friends, friends of all ages, people will miss you and you won't be in a house for two days. Make a habit of calling your children on a regular basis so when that call doesn't come, they know something is wrong. Besides, if you're dead in the house for a few days, so what? You're dead. I doubt you'll know about it.

That being said, my family is involved in the professional protective services. You've only heard of the few you've heard of, but I'd hazard a guess that many people are alone when they die. Sad, but true. And if you are part of a couple, chances are one of you will die before the other. And one of you will be alone.

What is sad is our children are scattered about the country doing what we trained them to do -- get a good job for a better life. So, now we have couples with two working partners, our grandchildren see us a few times a year, etc., Isn't that what we wanted? Self sufficient children?

We can't go back. We need better facilities for the older generation coming up and they are coming up fast. The oldest growing demographic today in people over 90. And they need care from someone who will not take advantage of them.

Art Linkletter once wrote: Getting Old Is Not For Sissies (something like that). My mom's landlord always says, The Golden Years Aren't So Golden.

BTW, I'm in my early 60s. I don't even think I'm old. I feel the same as I felt when I was 18.
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Old 07-15-2014, 11:48 AM
 
1,946 posts, read 2,711,399 times
Reputation: 3366
Quote:
Originally Posted by Curmudgeon View Post
In less than a month I'll turn 68. My wife will turn 66 shortly thereafter. We are both have physical impairments now which, for each of us, came as a real surprise as a mere two years ago we were both hardy and hale and could go, do, take good care of ourselves, our home and our yards and gardens. What to do? What to do? Well, we now have a housekeeper come in on a regular basis, pay for yard care and if anything significant needs repair or replacement, hire that out as well.

Just before my wife turned 65 and became Medicare eligible she had major surgery, a significant hospital stay, long-term physical therapy and some other issues. Even with decent health insurance we ended up out-of-pocket 10s of thousands of dollars from which we've yet to recover although we continue to build back up the nest egg as best our other and new obligations permit. Thankfully, I can still drive and get around, cook, etc.

We acknowledge the possibility that at some point we may have to put the house on the market and move into smaller, maintenance-free accommodations. Beyond that it's a toss-up. We'll simply do what we have to do. Thankfully, between our pensions and Social Security we have decent incomes and that's a comfort. If long-term care is in my future then it's off to a veteran's home for me if space is available or I simply take necessary steps to check out of the net (military talk for "expiring"). As for my wife, we'll just pay if it gets to the point that part-time home health assistance would no longer be enough.
I wondered where you were.
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Old 07-15-2014, 12:17 PM
 
307 posts, read 472,814 times
Reputation: 290
Our parents didn't think nor complain it was a burden to them raising us until we were old enough to be on our own...so why should it be a burden for their children to take care of them for just a few years until they're gone? Our children already told us...that when we're too old to take of ourselves...they will see to it that we're cared for in their home...not in a nursing home. That's our culture, our tradition. That used to be a tradition in America as well. I hope there's still some of it left. We'll do our best not to be too much of a burden to them...but it's a good feeling knowing that our children will take care of us. Yes, of course, there are exceptional circumstances and lots of excuses to take the easy way.
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Old 07-15-2014, 12:56 PM
 
6 posts, read 6,827 times
Reputation: 20
Quote:
Originally Posted by Fran66 View Post
Someone posted something in another forum, and it started me thinking: When the time comes that we -- or our spouse -- or both -- are becoming more and more physically incapacitated, due to age and/or due to illness or injury -- what are our plans for that time? Or do we just not think about things like this?

What will we do if we can't drive, can't make our own meals (I've known elderly people who have a steady diet of frozen foods, defrosted in the microwave -- ugh)? Can't clean our house? Can't drive? Can't grocery shop? Especially those of us who are single and widowed. But this affects couples too.

I know a (widowed) woman who was in her living room recliner for three days before someone found her. Another (widowed) woman, with the beginnings of Alzheimer's, who was conscious and on her bathroom floor for 24 hours. A man who died, in his filthy apartment, and wasn't discovered for at least two days. An elderly couple -- with plenty of family -- who decided to take their own lives. I could go on but you get the picture.

Getting really old is going to be difficult for a lot of us.

I think I've just not wanted to think about this. I think I've always told myself that 'somehow I will manage'. But -- that probably is not going to happen.

If this has been discussed before, just ignore this. I don't know -- I haven't been around in quite a while.
-----------------------------------------------
Since I'm caring for my mom who is older, these are sent to me via email.

Excellent article on POSTIVE AGING.

Aging and Purpose | Movement in Positive Aging | Caring.com

Something to Live For: Finding Your Way in the Second Half of Life.
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Old 07-15-2014, 01:25 PM
 
Location: Bella Vista, Ark
71,920 posts, read 83,566,150 times
Reputation: 41739
Living in an area where there are a lot of retired people, including ourselves we are faced with this often. Most of us, have kids who will help us with plans as we become less able to handle life. We do not have anything in writing but we have discussed with our girls where we expect to be with each stage of life.

Though we do not have a lot of money and living in a retirement situation (complex) would be pricey for us, we have both agreed, if something were to happen to one of us, the other would make the move. Also we have reached the time when, we do hire the lawns mowed and I am having someone come in once a month to do the heavy cleaning. The rest we are very able to do ourselves. We do belong to an organization at church that visits shut ins. Each month hubby and I visit a couple of people, sometimes they are couples. Many are living in retirement centers, either independent or assisted living, a few in long care but there are some still living in the homes.
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Old 07-15-2014, 01:34 PM
 
Location: SW MO
23,605 posts, read 31,467,321 times
Reputation: 29071
Quote:
Originally Posted by Fran66 View Post
I wondered where you were.
Chasing rainbows! Sometimes they're nicer than reality.

Tried to PM you so as not to clutter up the CA thread but hit a brick wall.
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Old 07-15-2014, 02:43 PM
 
1,946 posts, read 2,711,399 times
Reputation: 3366
Quote:
Originally Posted by Curmudgeon View Post
Chasing rainbows! Sometimes they're nicer than reality.

Tried to PM you so as not to clutter up the CA thread but hit a brick wall.
Give me a bit. The bar will be open by 6 a.m. tomorrow morning. LOL I have to figure out how to do it!

I'm sorry -- I have to leave and won't be back til late. Was just checking e-mail on my way out the door.

[Gawd, I hate to gout -- the weather is MISERABLE here. Any more rain and steam, and we're all going to die. Hope MO is doing better.]
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Old 07-15-2014, 02:48 PM
 
248 posts, read 267,354 times
Reputation: 1043
Frontline (PBS) had an interesting show on about assisted suicide. Details included (invest in helium now...):

The Suicide Plan | FRONTLINE | PBS
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Old 07-15-2014, 03:55 PM
 
Location: Myrtle Creek, Oregon
12,223 posts, read 12,487,684 times
Reputation: 19364
My wife and I have plans to sell the ranch and move to an assisted living apartment when the time comes. I'm already hiring yard work done, and am thinking about hiring a cleaning company to come in and do parts of the house that haven't been touched for months.
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