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Old 07-16-2014, 01:23 PM
 
Location: SW Florida
9,759 posts, read 7,038,572 times
Reputation: 14295

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Chaffeetrekker View Post
When I retired, I volunteered to do all the clothes washing....Only then did I realize that she also had skid marks on HER undies too.....
ROFL!!!!
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Old 07-16-2014, 03:32 PM
 
Location: Texas
1,971 posts, read 1,375,321 times
Reputation: 6745
After 20 years of retirement and 50 years of marriage I find that she is not the same person I married and neither am I. I always have a good laugh after she gets home from spending the afternoon with her girlfriends. I know the topic of conversation must have been ‘how to manage your husband in retirement’.
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Old 07-16-2014, 05:07 PM
 
Location: Cold Springs, NV
4,575 posts, read 9,649,094 times
Reputation: 5037
I've been home for a little over 2 years now, and we're in our early 50's. We've done surprisingly well in this time. We go out every Friday night, we go to movies for free, because she gives blood. We even watched the Lego movie yesterday together. She still takes care of the house, and the cars, outside are still mine. I do have a hobby programming fuel injection for others that provides a small income and keeps me busy. She volunteers at Salvation Army. Our love for each other has only grown stronger.
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Old 07-16-2014, 07:04 PM
 
Location: State of Being
35,885 posts, read 67,172,097 times
Reputation: 22373
Quote:
Originally Posted by sfcambridge View Post
Sounds like you need to have a private conversation with your husband's doctor. Your husband is likely depressed. This is classic presentation of depression in an older man. Depression is very common after major surgery. And honestly, depression is quite common for many men after retirement.... and doubly so if he was forced into retirement by health problems.

Also, surgery and the anesthesia that comes with it can sometimes take unexpected tolls on the brain. You really need to let his doctor know that he has changed.

Many men refuse to acknowledge these behavioral changes or accept treatment for depression. Sometimes I have noticed that you should avoid calling it "depression". Many people are put off by that word and just deny.... "Your mood/behavior has changed... I'm worried about it. It is starting to effect me and make me worried/scared/depressed...."

You need to deal with this as soon as possible. If you are already making potential plans on leaving him (implied in your post), talk to his doctor ASAP.
Glad you posted this as I did not mean to imply anything about leaving my hubby, lol. I am here for the long haul, for better or worse, richer or poorer--til the end.

I referred to an ART studio space, where I can work with other artists for several hours a week.

I have already talked to his docs and we all agree that time will tell if his demeanor will improve.

I am a patient and resourceful person, so I will get through this and find a way to make our lives as good as possible, regardless of the issues.

He is a perfectionist by nature, and since life is far from his ideal right now, and he is not able to control every aspect of his environment and interaction with his environment, he stays frustrated and I am the person who all that gets dumped on.

Hopefully, his health will improve, and his positive outlook and excitment for life will return and he can adapt to this stage of life.

I appreciate your suggestions and concern.
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Old 07-16-2014, 07:55 PM
NCN
 
Location: NC/SC Border Patrol
21,135 posts, read 21,888,823 times
Reputation: 23217
We have very energetic children and I never realized who they got it from until he retired. He cannot be still. It drove me up the wall and I was always feeling guilty for not helping around the house more until a friend that knows both of us and suspect maybe had a husband like him told me to let him do what he wants and if I want to sit down, do it.

He is an in charge type that wants to control every minute of every day. And he fixes things which works out fine until he decides I am the one that needs fixing. When he gets to be too much, I go shopping.

I was a librarian. Librarians discard unused items, books, etc. I used to be able to "discard" while he was working. He is very possessive of his possessions. Things are piling up. I put them in a trash bag to go and find them back where they were. I will find a way. He helps with bingo on Tuesdays and leaves before the trash dump closes. LOL I have a plan.

I can take him anywhere and he fits in. Everybody likes him. He takes a bath every day and sometimes twice a day. He has a salad every day for lunch and fixes everything that goes in it except the lettuce. He only likes iceberg lettuce and I have to make four lettuce wedges from one head and keep it in the refrigerator.

He has the patience of Job and all my lady friends would love to live my spoiled life. In other words if something happens to me, there will be a line of ladies at the door with pies in their hands. He likes pies.
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Old 07-16-2014, 08:05 PM
NCN
 
Location: NC/SC Border Patrol
21,135 posts, read 21,888,823 times
Reputation: 23217
Quote:
Originally Posted by anifani821 View Post
Glad you posted this as I did not mean to imply anything about leaving my hubby, lol. I am here for the long haul, for better or worse, richer or poorer--til the end.

I referred to an ART studio space, where I can work with other artists for several hours a week.

I have already talked to his docs and we all agree that time will tell if his demeanor will improve.

I am a patient and resourceful person, so I will get through this and find a way to make our lives as good as possible, regardless of the issues.

He is a perfectionist by nature, and since life is far from his ideal right now, and he is not able to control every aspect of his environment and interaction with his environment, he stays frustrated and I am the person who all that gets dumped on.

Hopefully, his health will improve, and his positive outlook and excitment for life will return and he can adapt to this stage of life.

I appreciate your suggestions and concern.
We both forgot to mention how cute our husbands are. Mine was a pill when he was sick and couldn't drive and do what he wanted too.
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Old 07-16-2014, 09:58 PM
 
6,316 posts, read 3,578,007 times
Reputation: 22101
I learned that my dear husband needs, absolutely thrives, on having someone to supervise.
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Old 07-16-2014, 10:28 PM
 
Location: Southwest Washington State
21,867 posts, read 14,383,691 times
Reputation: 30761
My DH is just as always, actually. He is a little more cranky. But I think I am too.

I guess my big surprise is that I know more about email and some other computer stuff than he does, and he always was in IT! But he has mastered the new printer, and I haven't had to mess with it.

One thing I am noticing is that learning new things, and doing some household tasks tires him more than it used to.

Oh, I have learned this. He doesn't follow the plot of TV or movies. He misses a lot. It is so strange.
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Old 07-17-2014, 04:02 AM
 
Location: Wildside of Oahu
1,412 posts, read 2,784,173 times
Reputation: 2433
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chaffeetrekker View Post
When I retired, I volunteered to do all the clothes washing....Only then did I realize that she also had skid marks on HER undies too.....
Rude, crude and socially unacceptable.
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Old 07-17-2014, 04:51 AM
 
Location: Florida
19,810 posts, read 19,905,205 times
Reputation: 23215
Quote:
Originally Posted by Joliefille View Post
Rude, crude and socially unacceptable.
Yes, nature can be like that.
But a good sense of humor can help deal with it.
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