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Old 07-23-2014, 06:46 PM
 
Location: Near a river
16,042 posts, read 18,997,544 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Zenstyle View Post
"There was nothing of that in that thread but it will be nice when all the crabby old people die."

A-bloody-men! Along with their loaded Depends and Alfred Dunner wardrobes.

Just because an individual has failed to croak doesn't confer upon him/her special status.
"Zen" style?
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Old 07-23-2014, 07:54 PM
 
10,819 posts, read 8,077,208 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by newenglandgirl View Post
"Zen" style?
I know.
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Old 07-23-2014, 08:14 PM
 
Location: Down the rabbit hole
858 posts, read 952,160 times
Reputation: 2704
Quote:
Originally Posted by newenglandgirl
I...don't....know about that. When my grandchildren (twins) were born I offered to stay overnight to help them get through the night (the babies, preemies, were really collicky and cried all night) so they could catch at least a few hours sleep. DIL's response (she's 29): Look around, do you see anywhere you can sleep? (their couch was a two-seater, and no guest room). Ya think she'd say thanks, maybe we can get an air mattress? Honestly, so many of these young brides (and by default, their husbands) think the universe revolves around them. So many show so little respect to their elders, who often bend over backward to help them.
I see a two possible answers for this. 1: Some people would rather not have another enter their daily routine....for what ever reason, even a helpful one. Saying "we don't have room" is nicer than saying "we'd rather not have you here" no matter how much we love you. 2: you might just be a disagreeable person and they'd rather not have your disruptive influence injected into their daily lives. Neither is a reflection of disrespect.


Quote:
Originally Posted by anifani821
HeeHee.

Yes, they do want us dead, in general, as younger folks are very angry about "their" inheritances being spent b/f we die (as we live to be so old) and they feel like we are taking their jobs (b/c we aren't retiring at 62). And . . . they think we are running up all sorts of debt for them and their kids b/c we are a large group and are going to live "forever" and the cost to keep us alive is not worth the effort, lololol.

Lots of animosity out there towards seniors.

Now, personally being treated disrespectfully? I haven't really had that happen. Being treated dismissively, though . . . yes. Or being patronized.

Unfortunately, I think that last sentence hits closer to the mark. I don't think there's any widespread hate against the elderly......except for the ones that drive at 20 miles an hour in a 45 mph zone and create a traffic hazard. The biggest crime the population in general commits against the elderly is forgetting them or not having the patience to deal with them. (In general) Elderly people forget they've told a story 50 times before, try to offer advice when not asked for, move slow, fumble with change and keys and occasionally become obstinate. Regardless, they should be shown respect, we're all gonna be in that boat someday and they should be shown some patience. In our hurry up world, people sometimes forget that you have to slow down when dealing with an elderly person. They're largely forgotten because of the way that we deal with the elderly in our society. We often shut them away in convalescent homes or ship them off to retirement communities or assisted living facilities where they can socialize together and have many of their basic needs taken care of. In most Asian countries, the elderly are taken care of by the family (in China, it's law) and also venerated. Blame the youth-centric culture of Western civilization. It's sad actually.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Happy in Wyoming
You are correct. But the amount of rage expressed in that thread is extraordinary. Apparently my post did have an ameliorating effect because some subsequent posts showed a marked change.

I must mention that the cuts in Medicare caused by Obamacare were intentional. The writers of that foul piece of legislation were without question a self-appointed Death Committee.

On a lighter note, I must mention that an indoor temperature of 78 would send me running. I can't conceive of sleeping in it.

Addition: I just noticed that they're at it again joking about a bed that repels a MIL. They want us dead.


I get the idea here that something about the MIL thread hit a sore spot.

My wife and I spent 5 years running a large, full service, retirement community with 160 apartments and some 200 odd residents. In many ways, it was the most rewarding job I've ever had.......but I like old people. One thing we learned was to never judge how a family interacted with their elderly relatives who lived there until we could see from both sides. Like the poor old lady whom everybody loved but who's children never visit?........yeah.....turns out she was a nasty drunk for much of the time the kids were growing up and that's why they only visit once a year. The nice old guy in the chair over there who's kids only stay for 15 minutes at a time? He used to run his home like a drill Sargent and still gives his kids crap about something every time they try and visit. Then there are those who just raise their kids to be a**holes or never instilled in them proper values like respect during formative years.

I'm just saying - there's always two sides........and the bed thread? Definitely more about MILs than the elderly.
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Old 07-23-2014, 08:40 PM
 
Location: State of Being
35,885 posts, read 67,212,814 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Catdancer View Post
I'm just saying - there's always two sides........and the bed thread? Definitely more about MILs than the elderly.
I definitely agree. I am still wondering if MIL is simply using the mattress as an excuse not to visit. With hotels and mattress toppers . . . seems to me that there are plenty of solutions for MIL to be comfy - IF she wanted to visit.
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Old 07-23-2014, 08:49 PM
 
13,127 posts, read 6,256,523 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by old_cold View Post
The posts that bothered me were the ones implying ( or outright stating) that the MIL ( and other guests)are wrong to complain.
Perhaps younger people don't realize that 'not comfortable to sleep on" can mean absolute pain the whole next day/for the entire trip.
Who wants to subject themselves to something painful?
My husband and I are introverts and prefer to not have overnight guests as we like our quiet time. However, that doesn't mean that we never have any overnight guests. We have a guest room and, yes, the bed is over 20 years old. However, my husband does take the occasional nap on it and says it's still comfortable (and we are picky when it comes to beds).

As a rule, we make it a point to not stay overnight in anyone's home unless it's a situation where there aren't any decent hotels nearby. For example, my SIL and late brother lived in a nice area but the nearest hotels were actually fleabag dumps. So, we would stay with them when they hosted holidays but we would only stay one night. Since the 2 of them didn't like to travel, we never got to return the favor, even though they knew they could stay with us.

The sleeping accommodations at their place weren't the greatest but we never complained. To complain, would be rude. That said, I think that there are instances where one must speak up. For example, if the bed has bedbugs or really stinks, the hosts need to know this. Otherwise, don't say anything. The saying "Don't look a gift horse in the mouth" comes to mind.
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Old 07-23-2014, 11:18 PM
 
10,819 posts, read 8,077,208 times
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Change the thread title to "So many have animosity toward their parents' generation", and imo the OP's onto something.
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Old 07-24-2014, 04:43 AM
 
Location: State of Being
35,885 posts, read 67,212,814 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by biscuitmom View Post
Change the thread title to "So many have animosity toward their parents' generation", and imo the OP's onto something.
I agree. But better include "grandparents" in that sentiment, not just parents.

I was being somewhat facetious in my earlier post (regarding elders being hated). However, my son and I had a discussion in the last month, and he told me that he heard remarks almost on a daily basis (works in a hospital, so one can understand WHY) in re: to Boomers sucking up resources. I reminded him that the majority of the elderly he and his peers see are actually NOT Boomers, as Boomers are not in their 70s and 80s!!! He realizes that, of course, but his point is well-taken. Hospital employees see the "frequent fliers" on Medicare and I think for many folks, with our national debt being incomprehensively astronomical -- and with all the discussion about Boomers overwhelming the system in the future -- it is easy for Gen Xers and Millenials to focus some anger about their OWN futures on Boomers.

After all, isn't that how the media continually beats the drum: Boomers are going to suck up Social Security and Medicare resources and younger folks are going to have to not only pick up the tab but also do without the same benefits in the future.
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Old 07-24-2014, 05:59 AM
 
Location: in the miseries
3,302 posts, read 3,584,621 times
Reputation: 3810
I wonder what the answer would be if it were the mother!
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Old 07-24-2014, 06:02 AM
 
Location: Near a river
16,042 posts, read 18,997,544 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Catdancer View Post
I see a two possible answers for this. 1: Some people would rather not have another enter their daily routine....for what ever reason, even a helpful one. Saying "we don't have room" is nicer than saying "we'd rather not have you here" no matter how much we love you. 2: you might just be a disagreeable person and they'd rather not have your disruptive influence injected into their daily lives. Neither is a reflection of disrespect.
I would like to think it's no. 1. I've only been kind and supportive to DIL, even now taking the kids one day a week while she works FT (no easy day with two active toddlers). We even go to get them and bring them back to her.

Some in their generation have no problem taking, and a block against giving back. That said, she's a good person in other respects, but decidedly a "me." It's almost like the MIL role is an expected source of tension among that generation, as you can see from all the jokes. When I was growing up, MILs demanded and still got respect.
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Old 07-24-2014, 06:03 AM
 
Location: in the miseries
3,302 posts, read 3,584,621 times
Reputation: 3810
My first MIL was a peach.
The second one a fire breathing dragon.
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