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Old 07-24-2014, 08:56 AM
 
29,764 posts, read 34,848,700 times
Reputation: 11675

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Perhaps some of the seeds of discontent by the some in the younger generation towards their parents and others can be found in many retirement and finance forum posts. We have parents who preach once 18 their kids are on their own and others who believe continued emotional and financial support is appropriate. This includes college cost. You Have some who want to die broke and feel no obligation to leave anything to their children. You have others planning estates etc to leave a nest egg behind. Hint, hint our kids no other kids and compare the hand they were dealt with others. It is their lives they are probably reacting to and how we did/will or didn't/won't contribute to it.
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Old 07-24-2014, 08:57 AM
 
3,492 posts, read 4,951,694 times
Reputation: 5383
Quote:
Originally Posted by boogie'smom View Post
I read this and felt so sad for the mother and the couple.

When my first grandson was born, I slept on an air mattress with a slow leak at my daughter's house. I had to get up a couple of times every night to pump it up. My daughter had a new baby and I was a lot younger.

When my son inlaw's mother and grandmother went to visit, I told my daughter to give them the bedroom and make other arrangements (air bed, sleeping bags, sofa, whatever) for she and her husband.

I still thought of my daughter as a child and I instructed her on how to act. If she resented it, she didn't tell me. She is a gracious hostess today.

People don't seem to have manners anymore. Perhaps we are not teaching them to our children. I'm not sure they hate the elderly, but you sure don't get any respect just because you are old.

I think good manners, in general, are on the wane. Respect for elders and authority figures seems to be disappearing too.
You told your daughter, a grown *** woman, and her husband, a grown *** man, how to handle guests? Further, you recommended that they move out of their bedroom and just do "whatever"? So first of all, you overstepped your bounds (no surprise she resented it) and secondly, you provided poor advice.

There are buildings called hotels, and they have rooms that people can rent if they find the furnishings are not acceptable.

I have a guest bedroom. It is for guests. That's why we call it the guest bedroom. Our stuff goes in our bedroom. That's why it is our bedroom. If I was visiting someone and they told me to sleep in the master bedroom, I would be creeped the **** out. Our guest mattress is hard also. 350 nights of the year noone sleeps on it. We would like it to last 20 years. So we bought a high quality firm mattress. It was also cost effective, because we can not afford to blow money that way. We have to take care of ourselves. We have to put away for retirement. That is our responsibility as people. First, we ensure we are not a burden to others, then we deal with having nice things.
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Old 07-24-2014, 10:29 AM
 
Location: middle tennessee
1,924 posts, read 986,927 times
Reputation: 6924
Quote:
Originally Posted by lurtsman View Post
You told your daughter, a grown *** woman, and her husband, a grown *** man, how to handle guests? Further, you recommended that they move out of their bedroom and just do "whatever"? So first of all, you overstepped your bounds (no surprise she resented it) and secondly, you provided poor advice.
I said "if she resented it, she didn't tell me". She was in her twenties, a little nervous about a visit from her MIL, and I offered a suggestion.

They had 2 bedrooms and two baths, their bedroom having the private bath. I remember saying to my daughter that this would really work out better for everyone since she and her husband could use the whole apartment, stay up as late as they wanted, etc, and the guests (one a great gramma) could have privacy.

I think the post I took this quote from is the sort of post the OP and I found disturbing in the other thread. I'm not sure how old the original MIL is or what sort of issues they have in general. It was the general lack of manners and respect as well as the wife being caught in the middle that bothered me.
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Old 07-24-2014, 11:31 AM
 
Location: Seattle Area
1,716 posts, read 1,586,747 times
Reputation: 4125
Quote:
Originally Posted by Happy in Wyoming View Post
That's so true.



I've never had any problems personally, but I'm fortunate in that I don't have a family. Isn't it terrible that the previous sentence is true?



Do you stink?

Do you refuse to think like moderns? No facebook? No big screen television? No bastard childen?

Do you still talk on a telephone?

Do you still work even though you already have too much money.

Do you like the same books, movies, and music you liked fifty years ago?

Are you depriving your children of what's rightfully theirs by spending money going out to lunch, vacations, and, worst of all, medical care?

Don't worry; there's a great solution: suicide. But don't do it just any old way. You don't want your family to be stuck with burial expenses. Rent a rowboat or canoe, nothing expensive. Get a few cinder blocks. Row out to some quiet spot in very deep water, tie the cinder blocks around your neck or necks, then jump. This will save funeral expenses.

You'll no longer waste your children's money.

You'll no longer keep some worthy young people from their rightful employment.

And best of all, you'll no longer stink, reminisce, or criticize at family functions, at grocery stores, or anywhere else.

Somebody figured out how to use emoticons

No, not usually.
No, I use Facebook, have a 63" TV and no bastard children.
Yes, but then a cellphone is a telephone? I think you meant land lines or traditional home phones, but who knows.
Yes i still work, but i dont have too much money.
No, I hate classics and dont watch or read anything more than a couple years old.
Nothing is rightly their.
Im all for suicide when the time is right, though not by your method.

Thanks for asking
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Old 07-24-2014, 05:13 PM
 
6,344 posts, read 3,573,078 times
Reputation: 7257
Living in Florida with retirees and a LOT of Snowbirds, I have had my own run ins with this type of "I am ELDERLY" types. Not going to get into the driving aspect of that. lol

Supermarkets. They block the aisles and use shopping carts as walkers, and don't care if they are in the way of other people. Can you say RUDE????? Just because you think reaching a certain age gives you special rights over others????

Old man blocking supermarket aisle just standing there spending eternity looking at the shelf. Excuse me, sir, can I please get by? NOTHING. Totally ignored me. Hit his cart as a nudge. STILL nothing. Yelled louder. Can I PLEASE get by? He started SCREAMING at me "No respect for the EDLERLY". He was creating a ruckus with his yelling. All I wanted was for him to MOVE so I could pass him. His wife was nudging him and telling him to move and be quiet. He wouldn't hear it and keep repeating what he said. Excuse me? First he was MALE and I am FEMALE. He was about 6 feet, 200 lbs. and did not appear in any way disabled. I am 5'1", 100 lbs. I said to him, "No respect for the Elderly?", laughing. "Want to see MY Medicare Card????" "I asked you nicely TWICE to move out of my way". He could not have been THAT much older than me, but he thought because of his AGE he could be rude to everyone else, INCLUDING those his own age. Get a clue, Mister. You aren't going to get respect, if you don't GIVE respect.
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Old 07-24-2014, 05:45 PM
 
11,259 posts, read 8,414,613 times
Reputation: 20427
Anyone with a guest room needs to spend a few nights on the guest room bed. Seriously? Give your guest the best.
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Old 07-24-2014, 06:16 PM
 
Location: Baltimore, MD
3,745 posts, read 4,213,572 times
Reputation: 6866
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jo48 View Post
Living in Florida with retirees and a LOT of Snowbirds, I have had my own run ins with this type of "I am ELDERLY" types. Not going to get into the driving aspect of that. lol

Supermarkets. They block the aisles and use shopping carts as walkers, and don't care if they are in the way of other people. Can you say RUDE????? Just because you think reaching a certain age gives you special rights over others????

Old man blocking supermarket aisle just standing there spending eternity looking at the shelf. Excuse me, sir, can I please get by? NOTHING. Totally ignored me. Hit his cart as a nudge. STILL nothing. Yelled louder. Can I PLEASE get by? He started SCREAMING at me "No respect for the EDLERLY". He was creating a ruckus with his yelling. All I wanted was for him to MOVE so I could pass him. His wife was nudging him and telling him to move and be quiet. He wouldn't hear it and keep repeating what he said. Excuse me? First he was MALE and I am FEMALE. He was about 6 feet, 200 lbs. and did not appear in any way disabled. I am 5'1", 100 lbs. I said to him, "No respect for the Elderly?", laughing. "Want to see MY Medicare Card????" "I asked you nicely TWICE to move out of my way". He could not have been THAT much older than me, but he thought because of his AGE he could be rude to everyone else, INCLUDING those his own age. Get a clue, Mister. You aren't going to get respect, if you don't GIVE respect.
I would have assumed the "old man" was hard-of-hearing and acted accordingly. (Smiled a lot, raised my voice without yelling and would NEVER have hit his cart.) And what's wrong with someone using a grocery cart for support? I just don't get it. Maybe you should not live in Florida?
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Old 07-24-2014, 07:02 PM
 
Location: SW Florida
9,741 posts, read 7,022,649 times
Reputation: 14219
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jo48 View Post
Living in Florida with retirees and a LOT of Snowbirds, I have had my own run ins with this type of "I am ELDERLY" types. Not going to get into the driving aspect of that. lol

Supermarkets. They block the aisles and use shopping carts as walkers, and don't care if they are in the way of other people. Can you say RUDE????? Just because you think reaching a certain age gives you special rights over others????

Old man blocking supermarket aisle just standing there spending eternity looking at the shelf. Excuse me, sir, can I please get by? NOTHING. Totally ignored me. Hit his cart as a nudge. STILL nothing. Yelled louder. Can I PLEASE get by? He started SCREAMING at me "No respect for the EDLERLY". He was creating a ruckus with his yelling. All I wanted was for him to MOVE so I could pass him. His wife was nudging him and telling him to move and be quiet. He wouldn't hear it and keep repeating what he said. Excuse me? First he was MALE and I am FEMALE. He was about 6 feet, 200 lbs. and did not appear in any way disabled. I am 5'1", 100 lbs. I said to him, "No respect for the Elderly?", laughing. "Want to see MY Medicare Card????" "I asked you nicely TWICE to move out of my way". He could not have been THAT much older than me, but he thought because of his AGE he could be rude to everyone else, INCLUDING those his own age. Get a clue, Mister. You aren't going to get respect, if you don't GIVE respect.
The guy might have been on the edge of dementia, you never know. In any case, IMO it's not productive to engage in hostilities with strangers because you didn't like what they had to say, as it makes you look as dumb as they are.......
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Old 07-25-2014, 11:56 AM
 
Location: Down the rabbit hole
858 posts, read 949,552 times
Reputation: 2704
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jo48 View Post
Living in Florida with retirees and a LOT of Snowbirds, I have had my own run ins with this type of "I am ELDERLY" types. Not going to get into the driving aspect of that. lol

Supermarkets. They block the aisles and use shopping carts as walkers, and don't care if they are in the way of other people. Can you say RUDE????? Just because you think reaching a certain age gives you special rights over others????

Old man blocking supermarket aisle just standing there spending eternity looking at the shelf. Excuse me, sir, can I please get by? NOTHING. Totally ignored me. Hit his cart as a nudge. STILL nothing. Yelled louder. Can I PLEASE get by? He started SCREAMING at me "No respect for the EDLERLY". He was creating a ruckus with his yelling. All I wanted was for him to MOVE so I could pass him. His wife was nudging him and telling him to move and be quiet. He wouldn't hear it and keep repeating what he said. Excuse me? First he was MALE and I am FEMALE. He was about 6 feet, 200 lbs. and did not appear in any way disabled. I am 5'1", 100 lbs. I said to him, "No respect for the Elderly?", laughing. "Want to see MY Medicare Card????" "I asked you nicely TWICE to move out of my way". He could not have been THAT much older than me, but he thought because of his AGE he could be rude to everyone else, INCLUDING those his own age. Get a clue, Mister. You aren't going to get respect, if you don't GIVE respect.
Although the highlighted bit is one of my favorite things to say, I don't think it really applies here. I used to think that people did stuff like this because they were self absorbed and didn't give a crap about other people. Now I look at instances like the one above and believe I was attaching blame where no offense was meant. I think it simply boils down to people just not thinking about other people at all. Consideration for other people just doesn't enter into most people's thinking anymore because they've become too preoccupied thinking about themselves. How they're going to pay the bills, the list of errands they have to do next, what to do about their adult child back living with them at 45, anticipating the next visit to the Dr. who can't figure out where those constant headaches are coming from........people worry about everything today, right down to what they're going to have for dinner tonight. What I'm saying is that maybe in the old man's mind, you didn't even exist until the loud "Can I PLEASE Get By" so he went straight on the defensive. That's not to say that there aren't some elderly out there with a sense of entitlement. There certainly are but maybe not as many as we first think.

In today's dog eat dog competitive America, it's not just the elderly. Most people seem like they're just too wrapped up in themselves and their own problems, real and perceived (thanks to the media) to ever stop and smell the roses let alone give a spare thought for their fellow man.

One of my personal peeves is when you're trying to make a right hand turn out of a parking lot and into the street and somebody pulls up next to you wanting to make a left turn and cuts off your vision. They certainly can't make their left across traffic before you're able to merge but they have to creep out there as far as they can anyway. MAn........that used to tic me off. Now I try to realize that they aren't out to screw me, their brain just isn't big enough to think about their problems and give me a little consideration at the same time.

...........it's a little healthier for me to think that way as opposed to thinking that the world is just full of a**holes who have no respect for their fellow man.
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Old 07-25-2014, 12:41 PM
 
Location: SW Florida
9,741 posts, read 7,022,649 times
Reputation: 14219
Quote:
Originally Posted by Catdancer View Post
Although the highlighted bit is one of my favorite things to say, I don't think it really applies here. I used to think that people did stuff like this because they were self absorbed and didn't give a crap about other people. Now I look at instances like the one above and believe I was attaching blame where no offense was meant. I think it simply boils down to people just not thinking about other people at all. Consideration for other people just doesn't enter into most people's thinking anymore because they've become too preoccupied thinking about themselves. How they're going to pay the bills, the list of errands they have to do next, what to do about their adult child back living with them at 45, anticipating the next visit to the Dr. who can't figure out where those constant headaches are coming from........people worry about everything today, right down to what they're going to have for dinner tonight. What I'm saying is that maybe in the old man's mind, you didn't even exist until the loud "Can I PLEASE Get By" so he went straight on the defensive. That's not to say that there aren't some elderly out there with a sense of entitlement. There certainly are but maybe not as many as we first think.

In today's dog eat dog competitive America, it's not just the elderly. Most people seem like they're just too wrapped up in themselves and their own problems, real and perceived (thanks to the media) to ever stop and smell the roses let alone give a spare thought for their fellow man.

One of my personal peeves is when you're trying to make a right hand turn out of a parking lot and into the street and somebody pulls up next to you wanting to make a left turn and cuts off your vision. They certainly can't make their left across traffic before you're able to merge but they have to creep out there as far as they can anyway. MAn........that used to tic me off. Now I try to realize that they aren't out to screw me, their brain just isn't big enough to think about their problems and give me a little consideration at the same time.

...........it's a little healthier for me to think that way as opposed to thinking that the world is just full of a**holes who have no respect for their fellow man.

I think you're right. I think it's self-absorption that makes most people act that way.
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