U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Retirement
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 07-27-2014, 07:51 PM
 
1,974 posts, read 2,722,569 times
Reputation: 3492

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by Escort Rider View Post
Sure, if the hermits and the recluses have the right temperament for it, then that's what they should be. But it is certainly statistically abnormal in that only a tiny fraction of us have that kind of temperament.

Medical epidemiologists have determined in numerous studies that being isolated is deadly in the aggregate. (See "Younger Next Year" by Crowley and Lodge, just for an example).

I would never try to convince a hermit or a recluse to change his or her ways because it would be none of my business. But the fact is that VERY FEW people will thrive under those conditions. We are not talking about valuing time alone and enjoying some solitude; I value time alone, and I enjoy some solitude. But that is not the same as living an ISOLATED life. We are a social species by genetic inheritance.
Yes, you're right, ER. The only problem is that most people are afraid to be alone, for any real length of time, so they stay in bad marriages and/or socialize when they don't want to and/or socialize with people they really don't want to socialize with. And please don't tell me that most people aren't afraid to be alone. They are. There have been all kinds of studies done on this very thing. It's the flip side of being a social species. It's one of the main reasons why C-D (and other social media) is so popular. H, look at the people -- of all ages -- who are out shopping alone but with a cell phone ear bud in their ear.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 07-27-2014, 09:28 PM
 
10,817 posts, read 8,063,256 times
Reputation: 17029
Quote:
Originally Posted by Huckleberry3911948 View Post
its easy let me show you how.
one minute.
That post should have included a warning, and even better, a spoiler tag.
I'm far from alone in that I'm NOT a fan of clowns.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-28-2014, 05:12 AM
 
Location: Near a river
16,042 posts, read 18,978,143 times
Reputation: 15649
Quote:
Originally Posted by statisticsnerd View Post
I never have understood how so many retired people complain about losing their identity or worth by no longer having a job.

I have always viewed work as a necessary evil. I can't stand being told what to do by another adult, I can't stand spending so much time with coworkers who I have nothing in common with and who would stab me in the back in a heartbeat, I can't stand waking up every day at a ridiculous hour, and I can't stand the mundane work day in and day out.

I know everyone is different, but work has always just been a means to an end for me. It pays for my life. It is not my life by a long shot.

The thought of no longer having to work is bliss. Isn't that why most of us plan for retirement in the first place?
Perhaps the boomers are the first gen to so closely link our identities to our jobs. I wonder about previous gens. I imagine that their work was their livelihood, period, unless they were a specialist like a doctor or researcher, etc. Many of us also worked rather intensively at our jobs, not taking relaxing lunch breaks and working overtime. That all feeds the identity thing.

I wholeheartedly agree with your last sentence, above. But what usually replaces the work life is time with family and friends. In the OP's case, not only did she retire but also moved away from those familiar people. Sure, volunteering can help, but that can still be a huge loss for anyone having a difficult time moving on. I do sympathize with the OP, being a family/friend centered person. In a new place I would have to work really hard to replace them.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-28-2014, 05:31 AM
 
Location: Los Angeles area
14,018 posts, read 17,737,509 times
Reputation: 32304
Quote:
Originally Posted by statisticsnerd View Post

I have always viewed work as a necessary evil.
My condolences. It is sad that you have not found work which suits you.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-28-2014, 10:32 AM
 
1,440 posts, read 723,321 times
Reputation: 3729
Quote:
Originally Posted by statisticsnerd View Post
I never have understood how so many retired people complain about losing their identity or worth by no longer having a job.

I have always viewed work as a necessary evil. I can't stand being told what to do by another adult, I can't stand spending so much time with coworkers who I have nothing in common with and who would stab me in the back in a heartbeat, I can't stand waking up every day at a ridiculous hour, and I can't stand the mundane work day in and day out.

I know everyone is different, but work has always just been a means to an end for me. It pays for my life. It is not my life by a long shot.

The thought of no longer having to work is bliss. Isn't that why most of us plan for retirement in the first place?

At least you get it....there are many who stay at a job just for the security of it or the fear that they will become rudderless or meaningless without a job to define them. This really doesn't apply to those who absolutely love their jobs but, in my experience, those people are very rare. Even those who start out wide eyed with excitement at the start of a career become jaded, disillusioned and bored, doing things by rote just to get through the day.

I had to laugh at the OP's "ceasing to become relevant" line....People who see retirement like this are as I described above and also think that they were "relevant" while they were employed. In most cases, they were not relevant (except in their own heads) but a cog in a machine that, once worn out or aged, becomes easily replaceable by management with a new, shiny (wide eyed w/ excitement) cog....said management having no allegiance or loyalty to the old cog they'd send to the scrap heap with little or no worry (while getting the new cog at a lower, much better cost and minimal outlay on their part). Again, obviously there are exceptions but for the most part everyone is replaceable although some don't either think they are or can't/won't accept it.

I for one did my jobs for over 30+ years knowing it was just that....a job. I never took my work home with me and after I walked out the door for good, had no issue with my being done or any fear of being irrelevant since my mindset was as stated above. So far I have not been bored in retirement but it might happen.....however, there were many times I was bored at work just going through the motions....to me, if it happens I'll put it in terms of (to paraphrase an old saying about fishing): "A boring day at home is better than a boring day at work!"
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-28-2014, 01:53 PM
 
Location: Glenbogle
730 posts, read 1,027,323 times
Reputation: 1046
There is only ONE thing that I miss about not having a job: the paychecks, LOL.

As for all the rest (dealing with bosses, co-workers, commuting/traffic cost in time and expenses, workplace "politics" and backbiting, customers and clients with attitudes, being made to feel guilty if I had to take a sick day, having to suppress my ire at finding that NOBODY took care of a bleeping thing if I did have to be out sick or took a vacation, biting my tongue so often that it's a wonder I have one left, stupid dress codes, and the sheer staggering insincerity and outright b.s. of most workplaces) I say: GOOD RIDDANCE! :-D

ETA: "You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to luckyram again." :-)
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-28-2014, 01:56 PM
 
1,770 posts, read 2,442,833 times
Reputation: 5164
Quote:
Originally Posted by Escort Rider View Post
My condolences. It is sad that you have not found work which suits you.

I beg to differ. Even when I had a terrific job it was still work. I still HAD to go there (when I wanted - no schedule or requirements) because I had to get money. Were it up to me, I'd never work and just enjoy myself by reading books, playing with animals, dancing, riding horses, traveling, etc. Some of us simply do not like the constraints of a job regardless of what it is.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-28-2014, 02:24 PM
 
Location: middle tennessee
1,924 posts, read 989,259 times
Reputation: 6931
gentlearts, I went back and read your first post. Perhaps you miss feeling useful. I think we are putting to much emphasis on the word relevant. Also, looking at your list, you made a lot of changes so you have a lot of adjusting to do. Maybe you just need time to settle in to your new life

If you have always had pets, I think the house feels empty without them. My old dogs died the year before I moved and I thought that would be the end of pets for me. It wasn't long before I was looking for a dog. He is good company and his routine is the only one we have. He probably keeps me more organized than I would be otherwise.

I don't travel and my dog does well at home alone, but as someone (HappyTexan?) suggested above, people do travel with small dogs. One of my daughters has huge dogs and she travels across and out of the country. She boards her dogs and they seem to enjoy it.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-28-2014, 07:24 PM
 
2,740 posts, read 724,299 times
Reputation: 7081
Even though I am retired and turned 60 this year, I don't suddenly not feel "relevant." I've actually realized I wasn't relevant in terms of society/popular culture years ago. It started in 1972 when I gave up on popular music. It continued all during my working life since I had a job that wasn't high-paying or prestigious. I knew I wasn't very relevant when I heard actresses and singers in their forties were having a tough time getting jobs. And as my hair grayed. When I couldn't keep up with and wasn't as interested in technology as most other people. And when I realized that I was just a teeny tiny piece of the universe.

But----not feeling relevant in terms of feeling important/admired/current is, well, not relevant to me. Of far more importance is whether I feel life and the world are relevant to me---and they are! As long as I feel vital, engaged, and content, I don't ask for more. I love it when my ego doesn't get in the way!

I guess at times I want to feel more relevant/needed, etc. I spent my career helping other people in human/health services, so sometimes I feel a bit of a lack in no longer doing so, at least formally/full-time. I met a woman at Starbucks who said she was homeless and living out of her car. I tried to help her by getting her an interview with a friend who needed a live-in roommate/caregiver. The homeless woman never showed up for the interview. At first I was livid...and then I realized that she had never even asked for my help...and maybe I was trying to help myself by feeling like a good, caring person by changing her life circumstances.

Ralph Waldo Emerson didn't talk about being feeling relevant, but he did talk about living a good life and the criteria isn't feeling relevant/current/appreciated/admired:

" To laugh often and much; To win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; To earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; To appreciate beauty, to find the best in others; To leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch, or a redeemed social condition; To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded."

"To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment."

“For every minute you are angry you lose sixty seconds of happiness.”
― Ralph Waldo Emerson
(Not implying that OP is angry----but it can be rephrased as "for every minute you are sad/bitter/mourning a loss/afraid, etc., you lose sixty seconds of happiness")
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-29-2014, 01:34 PM
 
Location: Toronto, Ottawa Valley & Dunedin FL
1,409 posts, read 2,354,982 times
Reputation: 1159
I must admit I suffered from this for a while. As an IT professional, a technical VP, it was a bit strange. But this was mitigated by the fact that my work persona was quite separate from my home and leisure one, and they rarely mixed. I'm really an easy-going person, not an A-type in any sense of the word, but was a tough manager at work. I had to drop all of that, but it wasn't that hard, given my schizophrenia.

Now I find validation in who I am, and my relationship with others. I like to think that I'm a good friend to those who know me, and I don't need anything external to that. I'm also a good friend to myself.

I do have hobbies, but they are secondary really, to a good internal feeling of self-worth.

(BTW, we spend the winter in a community in Florida where we have made some very good new friends. And our 55+ condo community is just jumping with people like us who are potential friends or acquaintances.)
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Retirement
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top