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Old 08-05-2014, 06:24 AM
Location: Florida
19,821 posts, read 19,916,125 times
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True story...I knew a couple that were living separately and 'engaged' for a little over 30 years.
They got married, moved in together and were separated in a little less than a year.
The engagement, too, was off.
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Old 08-05-2014, 06:33 AM
Location: State of Being
35,885 posts, read 67,186,293 times
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Originally Posted by newenglandgirl View Post
It can be complicated, though. In my life I've known of two married couples, both quite wealthy, who live/lived apart but didn't want to divorce for "asset" reasons. They just didn't want to make the "living apart" legal by divorcing. One of these spouses (the one I happen to know of) did engage in another relationship under the guise of simply "living apart."

OTOH, one of my friends has lived together for many years with a man who is extremely wealthy (old family money, trust fund); they will never marry, she says, because he is obligated to keep his wealth within his family of origin. And who knows really how many legally married couples who have always lived together have some kind of short-term or longstanding affair going on outside the marriage. With something like 50% of marriages ending in divorce, that's probably a significant factor. When it comes to human affairs, I guess anything goes!
Statistics show that for men, finding out their wives are having an affair typically ends with divorce. Interestingly, for women, that doesn't hold true. Women will more often forgive, choose counseling, keep the family together.

For most people, having an affair will eventually mean the demise of their marriage. Few are going to be satisfied, or their partners remain steadfast once they discover a longterm affair (and affairs almost always are discovered - especially those that last longer than a few months). If those two people really want to be together, they will end their marriages, especially if they feel this is their "last shot" at happiness. Men are more apt (or at the least, just as apt) to end the marriage after 60 than women.

Finances may be divided with a divorce, but when folks remarry, they are combined again - just with a different partner, lol.

This is an interesting article on the subject of divorce in the "silver" years . . .


Last edited by brokensky; 08-05-2014 at 06:42 AM..
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Old 08-05-2014, 04:07 PM
Location: Las Vegas
13,890 posts, read 25,335,938 times
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For those who are not 'well heeled', isn't there a Social Security penalty(loss) if you get married? I thought that was one of the reasons so many older people don't get married.
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Old 08-05-2014, 04:32 PM
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Personally, I think the "living apart" arrangement can be good for a LOT of couples. My husband and I were going to do just that a few years ago, I was going to move up to our second home in NC while he continued his job in FL. Well, we did not do that, we sold the home, but the older I get the more I like being alone. As it is, we have separate bedrooms and do a lot of things separately. We love each other and don't want to separate, we are not "having affairs."

There is nothing wrong with this arrangement, IMO. I have known many couples who enjoy this lifestyle. Right now we cannot afford it, but down the road, who knows.....
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Old 08-05-2014, 05:41 PM
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My wife of 42 years and I have been living in different homes in adjacent states now for nearly 15 years. Prior to my retirement in New Mexico, we had talked about returning to our native state of Texas and buying a farm. When I did retire, we did just that. I moved to the Texas farm simply because the property we bought was a bank repo that needed a lot of repairs. My wife is still working and maintains our city home in New Mexico. The farm is now nearly completely restored but we have continued to live apart out of necessity since the farm was burglarized once already when I was back in New Mexico. Possibly the best part of this scenario is that we still file our taxes jointly but my retirement income is not taxed in Texas. My wife loves the farm and plans to join me in two years if New Mexico's seconomy allows us to sell our home there and leave. However, we have come very aware of the old saying that says,"Man plans while God laughs."

My wife and I see each other only about five or six times a year and always at Christmas since we are over 300 miles apart. We both still love each other as much as we always did and we tell each other that when we speak on the telephone almost every day. My wife has no interest in finding another man and it's an understatement to say I have no interest in other women.

Married couples who are still in love and living apart can work but it's not something I would go around touting.
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Old 08-05-2014, 06:15 PM
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we share our bedroom but my husband has a study and i work in another room and generally our lives are somewhat independent through the day although neither of us have a very active separate social lives. we go out out for most things together, see friends, but his tastes are different and he is quite happy to be home whereas i am always making plans to go into the city. and that can cause tension. renting an apartment for a a month or two would satisfy my wanting to have a city life. i was wondering how odd that is and it is nice to know so many of you are already doing that and have a healthy marriage.
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