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Old 08-04-2014, 03:54 PM
1 posts, read 1,088 times
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My husband and I will be retiring soon. We would like to do some traveling in the summer and be snow birds in the winter. We live in a large home and are thinking about bringing in our adult daughter (soon to be divorced) and her two daughters. She would help with the utilities and pay rent. This would also mean someone would be in the house while we are away. Has anyone else done this? And if so, how did this work out?
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Old 08-04-2014, 04:29 PM
10,396 posts, read 9,411,463 times
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I haven't done what you're planning; but it sure sounds like a win-win for you/your husband and your daughter/granddaughters!

Best of luck on your upcoming retirement!
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Old 08-04-2014, 04:46 PM
677 posts, read 843,480 times
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If she (and the kids) are responsible it sounds like a great idea, and as previously stated, a win-win situation.
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Old 08-04-2014, 04:55 PM
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This is going to be very situation specific. No one else's household is going to match yours. So, some questions.

What kind of relationship do you have with your daughter ? Do you expect her to follow household rules that you make up? Or are you willing to accept that she is an adult and can do whatever she pleases. When and if she starts dating, how do you feel about her overnight boy friends ? What if she wants to bring a boyfriend in on a more permanent basis? Does she expect you to be the free baby sitter every time she goes out ?

How old are your grandchildren ? Are they at the sweet, adorable stage or are you soon going to be going through teenage years angst again- times two ? How do you feel about kids bringing their friends home to play or for sleep overs ?

Who is going to discipline the children. Do you feel you have the right to tell the kids what to do- if they are teenagers will they even listen to you? Do you and your daughter see eye to eye on how to raise kids- rules, etc.

With five people living in a home, your house will never be as quiet, organized, neat & tidy as it would be with just two retired adults.

When you go away- who will maintain the outside of the home ? Will your daughter mow the lawn, keep up the place or are you going to wind up paying for everything ? Does it matter to you one way or the other?

If you're gone for a couple of months every summer plus months during the winter, this could be a decent idea, depending on how everything else falls into place. Then again, maybe it would be a disaster.

Me, personally, if I was going to be gone summers and winters, I'd sell the house get a nice, small condo and just lock it up when I was gone. Much less stress and hassle. Houses are maintenance intensive- in your situation, I'd rather use those funds on travel and snow bird residence.

Good luck on whatever you decide.
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Old 08-04-2014, 06:11 PM
Location: Out there somewhere...a traveling man.
39,592 posts, read 47,862,313 times
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It could be heaven or hell, depending on your relationship and the kids. I've seen WW-III over this and then I've seen some happy families. The only way you'll find out is to try it and remedy it if it doesn't work out later.
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Old 08-04-2014, 06:18 PM
Location: Florida
4,380 posts, read 3,722,412 times
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OK, but not if you need the money to keep the house.
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Old 08-05-2014, 03:44 AM
Location: Florida
19,847 posts, read 19,959,826 times
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The kitchen, the living room, any shared spaces.....while you are gone, she and her family are going to settle in, take 'ownership' , create habits and routines.
When you do come back, are you prepared to be a 'guest' or do you expect to come back to what you are familiar with?

My daughter and I have been talking very bluntly about her coming to live with me.
She and I have totally opposite ideas on décor and I told her she would have to understand that it would be my house except for her rooms. Are you prepared to allow those kinds of changes to your house or will your daughter and her family always have to be the 'guests'?
Pets, visitors, and do you still want this big house should she decide to go off on her own? Especially if she decides this while you're away.
So much depends on the physical house, your relationship and a very clear understanding on the 'little' issues.
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Old 08-05-2014, 05:01 AM
Location: in the miseries
3,302 posts, read 3,587,050 times
Reputation: 3810
My friend has her son, daughter in law and two toddlers living with her in the same situation.
It's mostly okay, but privacy can be an issue.
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Old 08-06-2014, 05:39 PM
Location: Southwest Washington State
21,990 posts, read 14,450,483 times
Reputation: 30977
I like all the previous comments. I think the key is to communicate fully. Have several serious conversations about what she expects, what she wants, etc. Is she a good housekeeper? Does that matter to you? Are the kids responsible? Destructive?

Remember that some people do not care about other people's stuff. If the kids have not been trained to respect property, they might not know how to care for your furniture, yard, etc.

And your daughter at bottom, might quickly decided that she wants her own place.

Are the schools in your area good enough for the grandkids?

Lots to think about. Go slow.
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Old 08-07-2014, 03:35 PM
Location: Portland, Oregon
10,022 posts, read 16,703,808 times
Reputation: 6427
Were I you I would buy a duplex, you and your husband live in one residence, daughter and grandkids in the other - as renters. Charge her rent * then pay her for keeping an eye on your unit when you are gone. As she will be paying her own utilities she will be building a credit record.

Each of you have your own space and this arrangement won't complicate any of the terms of her divorce.

If the two of you think this is a good idea then ask your daughter. She may have issues such as school enrollment areas to consider.

* you can set her rent aside to provide a nest-egg for her at a later date.
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