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Old 08-18-2014, 07:32 AM
 
Location: Loudon, TN
5,810 posts, read 4,859,778 times
Reputation: 19527

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Stealth...no need to disparage people on pensions to make your point. I personally missed a lot of meals, sleep too, while earning my pension. Some of it in the AF to protect our country (now that's a RISK TAKER) and in other years working until late at night to keep the lights on for the rest of our county. Years of sacrificing weekends so that I could be on-call in case of storms or other disasters, and sleeping in my clothes on stormy nights so I can roll out of bed and into the car when the phone rings at 2 am because we have storm related outages and the people need us.
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Old 08-18-2014, 08:46 AM
 
Location: WA
5,398 posts, read 21,420,026 times
Reputation: 5903
I have many interests outside of work so had little trouble giving up my work position... but my father was much different...

At 70 his employer pushed him into a part-time schedule which worked OK but still did not prompt outside interests so when forced into retirement at 75 he struggled and never did find comfort in retirement. Except for some limited travel and family visits he found no real retirement activities and did little until passing at 88.

Each individual is different and I urge people to simply pursue their interests until they cannot and then continue to try things.
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Old 08-18-2014, 08:59 AM
 
Location: Des Moines Metro
5,056 posts, read 6,038,605 times
Reputation: 9437
No one says that you have to retire, OP. In fact, "retirement" is a somewhat recent invention. In the old days, people pretty much worked until they dropped dead. Even in the Amish communities, there is no "retirement," per se. The elders live in tiny houses on their property while their children live in the main house, and they watch the children and do age-appropriate chores (90 year-olds are not bailing hay!) until they are on their deathbeds.

The problem for them (and you) is when a heart attack or stoke happens and it becomes impossible to work. That's when having several alternative interests (like reading or writing) could become a lifesaver.

I've known senior guys to will themselves to death when their wife passed on and they could no longer work: they were just truly bored and didn't know what to do with themselves and lost the will to live.
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Old 08-18-2014, 09:07 AM
 
Location: State of Being
35,885 posts, read 67,227,457 times
Reputation: 22385
Quote:
Originally Posted by tbill View Post
Thank you all for your advice! I think all of you are on the money. I took cruises in early 20's after getting out of the Navy, I then went into the family business. Did not have to, but wanted to. Can't hire more people as there isn't enough in it to do that. (Have 22 employees now) Wife is in another state with daughter and grandchildren in the so-called "retirement home" we purchased in 2008. I commute 750 miles back an forth 1 once a month for a few days. I realize that I'm an introvert socially, so making new friends is difficult.

For long-term health, continue working is probably the best, but not what the rest of the family desires. So are you all saying that a hobby for me is a non-issue at the present time?
My Dad worked full time til 78. He would have continued working but my mother insisted he retire. He should have kept working til *he* felt it was time to retire (this is the opinion of all the adult children, grandchildren and friends). However, his continuing work would not have included being in a location 750 miles away.

So . . . is your wife wanting you to retire so you can do things together as a couple, such as travel (cruise? take particular trips to spots she has wanted to see?) When you bought the retirement home, what were your wife's expectations about it at that time? Is it in a resort/country club setting (thus - the golf reference). Is she wanting you there so you can participate as a couple in events at your retirement home? Is she actively involved in social events or is this part of the situation - that she feels isolated b/c you are not with her?

Not important that you answer those questions on this forum! I think those are questions you need to have the answers to in order to make a good decision about whether or not to retire in re: to family harmony.

I would suggest you take a hard look at what would be possible with cutting back on your hours, should you feel you simply are not willing/ready to retire at this point. If you could "telecommute" for 2 weeks out of the month and then be on-site for two weeks, I would think this would make it an easier transition to full retirement at a later date. Of course, if it is a hands on job and you cannot relinquish some of your daily duties or handle them via phone, email, teleconferences, etc, then that is no solution. However, if part of the problem is your wife simply wants you "on site" . . . setting up a home office and working from home may be a good compromise.
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Old 08-18-2014, 09:19 AM
 
Location: Center City
6,869 posts, read 7,820,891 times
Reputation: 9506
Although I'm clearly projecting, some of my best memories growing up are from our family vacations. This then makes me wonder about your daughters, who have no such memories. If you've worked up to 100 hours a week for your entire life, then your daughters really haven't known their father, have they? Don't take this the wrong way – I am just asking a question.

Depending on the answer you come up with to this question, maybe it's time for a little bit of reflection. What do you want out of life? What do others want out of you? You say you have no hobbies, but you also say you have grandchildren. Given that it seems you've really not been able to spend time with your daughters, do you want the same thing to happen with your grandchildren?

Life is about more than what just makes us happy. It is also about the happiness that we bring to others, especially those that we really care about. Before you just blindly take some of the advice that's given here – follow your bliss – maybe it's time to sit down with your family and ask them: what do you want from me? This is wonderful opportunity to be a father and grandfather. In fact, it's the only opportunity you'll have.

Last edited by Pine to Vine; 08-18-2014 at 09:35 AM..
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Old 08-18-2014, 09:43 AM
 
Location: SoCal
6,077 posts, read 9,547,187 times
Reputation: 5839
Quote:
Originally Posted by tbill View Post
... Wife is in another state with daughter and grandchildren in the so-called "retirement home" we purchased in 2008. I commute 750 miles back an forth 1 once a month for a few days. ...
Maybe this is the problem. Maybe she's lonely. Maybe you need to sell that "retirement home" and buy one in your current location, if you're going to keep on working.
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Old 08-18-2014, 10:31 AM
 
Location: SoCal desert
8,093 posts, read 13,249,708 times
Reputation: 14870
Quote:
Originally Posted by tbill View Post
OK, here is my situation. Will be 67 in Sept., and still working in my 101 year old family retail business. Wife wants me to retire, but I have no hobbies. I work. 90-100 hours per week. Done this for 45 years and only had 2 vacations in those forty years of marriage. That was for our daughters trips to Disneyland and Disney World.
Was going to ask why she wants you to retire, and then you posted this:
Quote:
Originally Posted by tbill View Post
Wife is in another state with daughter and grandchildren in the so-called "retirement home" we purchased in 2008. I commute 750 miles back an forth 1 once a month for a few days. I realize that I'm an introvert socially, so making new friends is difficult.

For long-term health, continue working is probably the best, but not what the rest of the family desires. So are you all saying that a hobby for me is a non-issue at the present time?
What about the hobby of getting to know your family again?
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Old 08-18-2014, 12:28 PM
 
Location: State of Being
35,885 posts, read 67,227,457 times
Reputation: 22385
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gandalara View Post
What about the hobby of getting to know your family again?
None of us has any idea what his relationship is or isn't like with his wife, children and grandkids . . . his work may be the one thing that kept him in a marriage that otherwise wouldn't work. And not everyone is interested in being a doting grandparent (I certainly am not).

Not for us to judge.
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Old 08-18-2014, 01:02 PM
 
Location: SoCal desert
8,093 posts, read 13,249,708 times
Reputation: 14870
Excuse me.
My comment was not meant to be seen as a judgement.
Sorry it was.
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Old 08-18-2014, 01:11 PM
 
Location: State of Being
35,885 posts, read 67,227,457 times
Reputation: 22385
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gandalara View Post
Excuse me.
My comment was not meant to be seen as a judgement.
Sorry it was.
Well, then, maybe I am the one who should apologize for misreading. I did find it odd b/c typically you are not one to be judgmental.
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