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Old 09-14-2014, 09:59 AM
 
48,516 posts, read 83,943,432 times
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One has to realize that traditional marriage has a lot to do with welfare of any off spring. Same as why we pay for public education ;really. Support of a ex is one thing in law and child support much different.
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Old 09-14-2014, 01:17 PM
 
Location: The Triad (NC)
28,502 posts, read 62,182,463 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by texdav View Post
One has to realize that (the common personal responsibility traits have tended to track with)
traditional marriage (which) has (had) a lot to do with (creating the notion that marriage itself
is causal for the
) welfare of any off spring.
But looking deeper... it is easily seen that marriage is incidental to the sort of maturity
that will keep people from creating more kids than they can support...
or how well they will treat and provide for any kids they do create.
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Old 09-14-2014, 01:39 PM
 
2,429 posts, read 3,225,043 times
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About the only benefits will be from whether we elect a spousal annuity from his Civil Service pension(he is already retired) and that I can now tag onto his healthcare if I choose to retire earlier than 65-66.
It's best to me in a state that also recognizes the marriage.
News story just the other day out of AZ -- which does not have gay marriage...said an elderly man (sick with parkinson's no less) who was married out of state to his partner of 30 years, had to fight through several courts to get his name listed on his spouses death cert as a surviving spouse. Without that on the death cert he wasn't entitled to the late spouses FED benefits.

He was caught in a tug between state and fed...Fed officials said your entitled, but we need to see a death cert.
And AZ said we don't have gay marriage so you can't get a death cert with you listed as a surviving spouse.

He finally won just two days ago, but the state can still appeal that decision....if it chooses.

Just like in the same state a gay couple (that had been married in HI) wanted to get a divorce, and the state said we can't give you a divorce, because we don't recognize that marriage in the first place.

Gay or straight sometimes getting benefits one is entitled to isn't a simple cut-and dry issue.
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Old 09-15-2014, 07:56 AM
 
Location: Orange County, CA
3,730 posts, read 5,280,920 times
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Another depressing thread. After 8 days and over 60 posts, very few of which are positive, the general consensus is that persons over 60 should avoid marriage at all costs. The arguements are that re marriage will very likely cost you huge sums of money, you will become a full time caregiver that will impoverish you, or that your snotty entitlement minded adult children will have their feelings hurt because Mommy or Daddy will no longer make them the center of their universe, or worse yet, they might lose out on some of the goodies after Mom or Dad kicks off.

Relationships have been discussed as if they were some kind of damn business arrangement, with the thought that their new spouse must never, ever have health issues, because it will cost me and my kids money. Since they just might have health problems, therefore I will avoid marriage or a serious relationship is the general thought. Of course if it is ME that falls ill, my kids are going to take care of me, at least I hope so.

Why should an older couple get married? How about if they just love each other? How about if they wish to spend what remains of their lives together? How about if they carefully consider the possible pitfalls and after planning, take steps to avoid them?

Often when reading these types of threads on internet forums I feel that I must be one of the last of the old time sentimentalists, out of touch with the times, and not modern. Somehow still retain my belief in romantic love, and approaching a serious relationship as if I were interviewing a prospective roomate, hiring a new employee, or checking their health history and credit report is appalling.
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Old 09-15-2014, 08:18 AM
 
Location: The Triad (NC)
28,502 posts, read 62,182,463 times
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Originally Posted by BlackShoe View Post
Often when reading these types of threads on internet forums I feel that I must be
one of the last of the old time sentimentalists, out of touch with the times, and not modern.
Somehow still retain my belief in romantic love...
I'd say that you have missed the point then.
.
Attached Thumbnails
Marriage after 60?-diving.jpg  
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Old 09-15-2014, 08:18 AM
 
1,214 posts, read 1,355,980 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BlackShoe View Post
Another depressing thread. After 8 days and over 60 posts, very few of which are positive, the general consensus is that persons over 60 should avoid marriage at all costs. The arguements are that re marriage will very likely cost you huge sums of money, you will become a full time caregiver that will impoverish you, or that your snotty entitlement minded adult children will have their feelings hurt because Mommy or Daddy will no longer make them the center of their universe, or worse yet, they might lose out on some of the goodies after Mom or Dad kicks off.

Relationships have been discussed as if they were some kind of damn business arrangement, with the thought that their new spouse must never, ever have health issues, because it will cost me and my kids money. Since they just might have health problems, therefore I will avoid marriage or a serious relationship is the general thought. Of course if it is ME that falls ill, my kids are going to take care of me, at least I hope so.

Why should an older couple get married? How about if they just love each other? How about if they wish to spend what remains of their lives together? How about if they carefully consider the possible pitfalls and after planning, take steps to avoid them?

Often when reading these types of threads on internet forums I feel that I must be one of the last of the old time sentimentalists, out of touch with the times, and not modern. Somehow still retain my belief in romantic love, and approaching a serious relationship as if I were interviewing a prospective roomate, hiring a new employee, or checking their health history and credit report is appalling.


Blackshoe, many reps to you! Life and happiness are about much much more than money and property.
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Old 09-15-2014, 10:12 AM
 
8,859 posts, read 5,136,100 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BlackShoe View Post

Why should an older couple get married? How about if they just love each other? How about if they wish to spend what remains of their lives together? How about if they carefully consider the possible pitfalls and after planning, take steps to avoid them?
There's nothing wrong with getting married, if that is what people want to do. An older couple can love each other and spend the rest of their lives together without getting married, can't they? Of course they can. Sometimes people who have survived one bad marriage and a divorce no longer view marriage as an ideal, already having gotten that out of their system.
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Old 09-17-2014, 12:16 AM
 
Location: Verde Valley AZ
8,618 posts, read 9,684,845 times
Reputation: 10965
Quote:
Originally Posted by BlackShoe View Post
Another depressing thread. After 8 days and over 60 posts, very few of which are positive, the general consensus is that persons over 60 should avoid marriage at all costs. The arguements are that re marriage will very likely cost you huge sums of money, you will become a full time caregiver that will impoverish you, or that your snotty entitlement minded adult children will have their feelings hurt because Mommy or Daddy will no longer make them the center of their universe, or worse yet, they might lose out on some of the goodies after Mom or Dad kicks off.

Relationships have been discussed as if they were some kind of damn business arrangement, with the thought that their new spouse must never, ever have health issues, because it will cost me and my kids money. Since they just might have health problems, therefore I will avoid marriage or a serious relationship is the general thought. Of course if it is ME that falls ill, my kids are going to take care of me, at least I hope so.

Why should an older couple get married? How about if they just love each other? How about if they wish to spend what remains of their lives together? How about if they carefully consider the possible pitfalls and after planning, take steps to avoid them?

Often when reading these types of threads on internet forums I feel that I must be one of the last of the old time sentimentalists, out of touch with the times, and not modern. Somehow still retain my belief in romantic love, and approaching a serious relationship as if I were interviewing a prospective roomate, hiring a new employee, or checking their health history and credit report is appalling.
I don't think this is a "depressing" topic. Most of it is just "what ifs" and knowing people that all of the above have actually experienced, I think it's worth thinking about. As for me, I have nothing anyone would want and I don't care about anyone else's 'stuff' either. I don't expect my kids to raise a finger to 'take care of' me and I've already told them that they won't have to. Avoiding marriage, for me, has nothing to do with having to take care of somebody, my kids aren't "snotty" or feel entitled to anything. I simply have no interest in it.

I think that anyone who wants to marry should. It's their life. If romance and being a sentimentalist works for them it's great. I used to be that way myself but I got over it. More power to those who haven't.
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Old 09-17-2014, 12:30 AM
 
10,817 posts, read 8,065,019 times
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Originally Posted by BlackShoe View Post
Relationships have been discussed as if they were some kind of damn business arrangement
Apologies for posting this snip, I get your point. But for the most part marriages, especially after 60, ARE business arrangements. There's nothing in our culture to stop anyone of any age from romancing and/or cohabitating. If a crazy-in-love couple wants to stay together, they don't have to marry, they can just carry on, and more power to them!

It's only when they want to take it to the next level - i.e. legalizing their relationship - that marriage becomes a consideration. In other words, they want to transmute their romantic relationship into a business arrangement, one in which they as partners have certain legal rights.
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Old 09-17-2014, 11:08 AM
 
Location: SW Florida
9,759 posts, read 7,038,572 times
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Originally Posted by biscuitmom View Post
Apologies for posting this snip, I get your point. But for the most part marriages, especially after 60, ARE business arrangements. There's nothing in our culture to stop anyone of any age from romancing and/or cohabitating. If a crazy-in-love couple wants to stay together, they don't have to marry, they can just carry on, and more power to them!

It's only when they want to take it to the next level - i.e. legalizing their relationship - that marriage becomes a consideration. In other words, they want to transmute their romantic relationship into a business arrangement, one in which they as partners have certain legal rights.
I agree with everything you've said in your post. And romantic, crazy-in-love emotions nonwithstanding, the reality is that with older folks, there is baggage, ie, children, grandchildren, other relatives, health and financial issues that won't fade into a sepia colored photograph because the couple's getting married. These issues must be faced, and handled, no matter what, they won't go away. Some of these issues may become so overwhelming that they threaten, or even destroy the relationship between the married couple, and ignoring them isn't an option.

So all that said, it's essential, IMO to consider all this when one's considering marriage as an elder, romantic and starry-eyed as the couples may be.....
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